(Closed) Partner considered postponing wedding

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should we postpone the wedding due to the worry of his mum spoiling our day or go ahead as planned?
    Yes postpone to later date : (3 votes)
    33 %
    No go ahead with the date thats booked already : (4 votes)
    44 %
    Forget the wedding and go and do it somewhere in private :-( : (2 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    First off my deepest sympathy at losing your Dad to cancer.

    You need (( HUGS )) and time to grieve for sure.

    Where you are NOW in life and where you could be 6 Months, a Year or two from now could be vastly different.

    BUT what is important here for sure is how you get thru this time… and doing what you need to heal / go forward.

    And that can take time. So don’t let anyone push you not to take the time you deserve (and tune out those self-centred folks life your Fiance’s Mom)

    From a purely Etiquette POV… there is no real Invite extended to anyone UNTIL such time as they have an officially written one in their hands

    (Although I sooo get the frustration of putting up with what your Future Mother-In-Law is doing… she is being manipulative, controlling and beyond considerate to your feelings)That said…

    I am an Encore Bride (first time was circa 1980… and I was married for over 20 Years)

    So I am an Older Bride… and someone who has lived / seen a lot of life.

    BIG Pouffy White Family Weddings can be great ONLY IF the majority of circumstances / people’s personalities line up.

    Sadly, that isn’t always the case.

    Otherwise they can be a HUGE stressed out fiasco. (Just read the countless posts here on WBee on any topic on any Board, where Bees are pulling their hair out over details, or other people’s behaviour).

    So know you are not alone in this “not being an ideal situation” that you find yourself in.

    There are lots of other alternatives to the BIG Wedding… and they can be WHATEVER you want them to be (not dictated by other people)

    This is ONE of the reasons that Mr TTR and I have decided to do an Elopement to a Destination Wedding… that will just be the 2 of us glancing into each other’s eyes as we say our vows in front of our Officiant overlooking the Beach & Atlantic Ocean in one of our favourite cities in the US South.

    THIS Wedding will be all about the two of us… and honouring the “tenderness” of our LOVE and what it means to each of us… without all the hoopla (and drama) that family weddings tend to bring.

    Our Wedding will be part of a bigger getaway / Honeymoon… and see us focus on things that interest the two of us.  Really a lot of time being dedicated to “the couple” that we are… and not so much to just the 15 or so minutes that it takes to become married.

    We will follow up sometime later after we return home with a Back Home Reception (more of a Party really) for Friends & Family.  Again designed as we see fit… Cocktails & Nibbles – Champagne & Cake – DJ & Dancing.  NO Speeches – NO Bouquet Toss – NO Garter Escapade – NO Smooshy Cake Cutting.  Just getting together with those we love to celebrate a little (there will be Wedding Pics on a Big Screen going on in the background tho so those who weren’t there can actually SEE a bit of our Special Day)

    Anyhow, I realize that Eloping might not be for you (or everyone)… but I wanted to let you know that there are options for handling difficult situations… and eloping is but one of them.

    (( HUGS )) again, take care of yourself and YOUR NEEDS,

    Truly, there is plenty of time to plan a Wedding… and nothing wrong with delaying things until you feel more comfortable about it all (understandable… in light of losing your Dad… Weddings are joyous events that are shared with family… and you’ve lost a BIG PIECE of that equation… so no need to rush into anything).

    And for the record… people who LOVE you … WILL understand.

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m sorry about your dad. I would talk to a grief counsellor. They can help you identify where you are emotionally and recommend how long you may want to wait for the wedding. 

    If you were just dealing with your Future Mother-In-Law I would suggest moving the date UP to April. She still won’t know the date. Also, talk to the vicar and explain your situation. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    9 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I am so sorry for your loss. It is never easy losing a parent. I know I can’t completely understand what you are feeling, but I have an idea. My husbands father past away the beginning of October 2011. We had our wedding date set for May 27, 2012. My husband was very adamant that he still wanted to get married. It really hit my husband a few days before the wedding that he father was not going to be there. It was hard but he didn’t want to put our lives on hold. I am sorry to hear that your soon to be mother in law is causing some drama, which doesn’t help with the current situation. If you two still love each other and want to be with each other no matter what, I think you should still get married. Try talking with the mother in law to avoid day of drama or just have a simple ceremony with only very important people or just you and your significant other. Just remember this is your special day too and your father will be waitching and will always be with you. Good luck. 

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