Post # 1
I’m having a slight panic…my Partner originally had about 50 people on his guest list. Now it’s looking like about 10 will turn up! So we are having the wedding in Ireland but live in the UK. I’m from Ireland so that’s why. We sent out save the dates over a year before the wedding to give people notice to get flights and accommodation at reasonable rates. Even his mom and sister say they can’t afford it despite the sister going to a friend’s wedding in Spain (which was booked after our save the dates went out). I’m so sad for my partner I just want to help in any way I can but I’m also so annoyed on his behalf (I’ve not said anything to him because I don’t want to upset him further). I just want any advice has anyone had a “lopsided” or “uneven” wedding? Where they/their Partner ok on the day?
Post # 2
I had 16 guests out of our 75 person wedding. I don’t have family and my circle is very small.My husband has a huge family. It didn’t faze me at all. It was what it was. I enjoied my day with everyone.
Post # 3
I feel really bad for your partner that even his mum and sister won’t attend. We are also from the UK and having our wedding in Ireland for the same reasons and initially I felt bad putting the pressure to travel on guests but then I thought about it and realised I had to book a hotel for most weddings I ever attended and actually flights to ireland are usually cheaper than getting a train to somewhere an hour or two away in the uk!
You and your fiance just need to focus on the fact that you are getting married now, there are no “his” guests or “your” guests. Everyone is there to celebrate with you both as a couple!
Post # 4
I only had a handful of guests compared to my husband as well; mainly because my family was out of town. I missed having certain people there sure, but still had an amazing time.
Is there any way you can foot the bill of his mom and maybe his sister so they can come? Reasonable rates to you obviously aren’t reasonable to your guests. It’s unfortunate but when you have a wedding out of town that’s part of the sacrifice you are making.
Post # 5
Thanks for the replies. I mentioned to him about paying for his mom and sister but he said no way. I see where he’s coming from in that they had plenty of notice and I think the wedding in Spain has really annoyed him because the mom won’t travel on her own so because the sister isn’t coming the mom won’t either. I know that reasonable rates to us may not be for others but the same sister is out every weekend going for weekends away with her boyfriend etc. Also I’m not saying that she should stop these things to accommodate our wedding but even one weekend away would have covered it. To be at your brothers wedding? Any way I’m just hoping I can cheer him up and he doesn’t feel sad on the day thay they couldn’t be there.
Post # 6
If it helps, we aren’t thinking of “my guests” vs “your guests”. Granted, with immediate family members it’s a little more tricky, but thinking of all of the guests as “our guests” may help.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Everyone in attendance is a guest of both of yours. Don’t even think about it as sides.
As for his family, that’s unfortunate but try not to dwell on it. There isn’t anything either of you can do about it. Maybe they’ll manage to sort it out in the end.
Post # 8
the sister is being a bit selfish but we don’t know her financial situation. Perhaps her boyfriend pays for their weekend trips or the trip to Spain is being subsidized. Perhaps she is out of vacation days. We just don’t know and can’t assume.
Could the mother travel with anyone else? Friends? Family members? You and your fiancé?
Post # 9
My husband had 3 guest at our wedding (one of which was his best man). Every other guest was on my side. Our example is a little extreme, but for lopsided situations I suggest making it clear to guests that there will be no distinction (ie no “his” side and “your” side). I know it’s traditional for each partner’s guests to sit on a certain side during the ceremony, but just instruct everyone to sit anywhere. If possible, mix up the tables at dinner so that it’s not family by family, to make it less obvious of the attendance difference.
As an aside, my husband’s mom, sister, and brother didn’t attend, and the most awkward part was other guests asking him where they are. If it’s feasible, try to alert people so they know not to bring up the missing family to your (soon to be!) husband and make him sad or uncomfortable.
Post # 10
It’s okay, just mix in all the guests with sitting arrangements. My side of the family was smaller too and we just mixed them all together and it was great 🙂
Post # 11
That sucks about his mum and sister. Is there any way you guys could contribute to even his mums flight? If her being there means that much to him only.
I wouldn’t worry too much, they are both your guests it really shouldn’t be his or her guests. We did our table plans the other night and if you do put it as his and hers then I filled 3 out of 11 tables! But I didn’t see it that way as everyone from “his side” is my family now too, I love them all and so happy with all our guests.
Post # 12
I’d try to keep in mind that regardless of who they’ve known longer or who they are related to, everyone at the wedding are guests of you as a couple, not as individuals. The whole “grooms side / brides side” thing is pretty outdated and most people don’t think of their guestlists that way anymore (and I don’t think I have ever actually been to a wedding where the guests were divided by side during the ceremony like you sometimes see on TV).
I would be very hurt if I was your fiance, but honestly there isn’t much you can really do about it other than listen to him vent, make sure you make him feel important as best you can, and try to make sure the wedding reflects both of you.
Post # 13
Well my experience will be similar to his.
My family has never really cared about weddings. Most arent married or extravagant They are spread out on the other side of the country. I think few would consider or have resources to come..
Plus I’m the eldest in my generation, and married previously.
My fh, however, is the baby, the favorite and never been married. Everyone wants to come for him and the wedding will be held near to his hometown and all his relatives n friends.
I’ve come up with inviting 22, on my side but I’ll be lucky to get ten. Doesn’t bother me at all. I’m happy to be part of my fh friends n family, too.
I’ve offered flights to 4. My father even declined with his flight paid, and he never came to my first wedding either. Lol
I’m sure your fh will.be welcomed and content.
Post # 14
Can you take the money you would have paid for 50 guests and pay for something small in England.
Not to be a negative person but I think the notion that he will be content with the other guests is not correct. He will forever remember that his family did not come to his wedding. How he feels about that, I don’t know. If people wouldn’t come to his wedding if you were not the bride, they are not really there for him.