(Closed) Partner not invited to wedding – WWYD?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is the couple justified in inviting me alone?
    Yes : (21 votes)
    12 %
    No, but mentioning it would also be rude - just decline the invitation : (54 votes)
    31 %
    No, but ask your friend whether your SO is invited, maybe she just forgot : (102 votes)
    58 %
    No, so it was probably a mistake - just RSVP yes for both of you : (0 votes)
  • Post # 17
    Member
    1833 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would call her.  You see on wedding boards daily just how many people have no idea how to properly address wedding invitations.  If we were talking your flavor of the week, it would be rude to call, but we are talking about your live-in partner of many years who should have been invited.  It it very poor etiquette to exclude live-in partners.  Call and ask her – if they made a mistake it will be taken care of.  If your SO wasn’t invited then you can decide what to do from there.  Back when Darling Husband and I lived together that would have been an automatic decline.

    Post # 18
    Hostess
    7553 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Like others have said, it may have been a mistake.

    Do you have to travel though? Will you know many people there? If it’s a really good friend I can’t see why I would miss her wedding – guest or no guest. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @4cube:  Like many PP’s have said, if you’re close to the bride, then just ask her (but in person not over the phone or text) if there was a mistake.

    I just recently went through that uncomfortable situation with a friend of mine. I’ve known the groom and his family my entire life (his parents are like second parents to me and his sister is actually my MOH) and he hangs out with my Fiance on a rather regular basis when my Fiance is in town (we’re in a long distance relationship). When the invitation came in the mail, it was addressed to me only on the outter envelope with nothing written on the inner envelope. At first, I was pretty ticked off as my Fiance and I had already been engaged for six months (dating for nearly 7 years) and was just going to decline. Then I figured, I’m close to these people, they’re aware I’m engaged, I’m just going to ask because I’d hate to miss this wedding but won’t go alone. Turns out the bride didn’t understand how to address envelopes and everyone was like, duh, of course he’s invited.

    Yes, it was awkward, but I’m glad I asked in the end. Maybe it’s a similar situation?

    Post # 20
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I personally wouldn’t be offended even if my fiance weren’t invited, if I was part of a group of friends who would know plenty of people there. I don’t feel like I need my fiance with me in order to have fun at an event with old friends, and if they didn’t have a close personal relationship with him I wouldn’t blame them…

    But I realize lots of people feel differently! If you don’t want to attend without him, decline. You can call and ask, but there’s a chance it’s an across-the-board policy where they can’t afford to just give everyone a +1 so they’re trying to be fair (which, full disclosure, I’m considering with my own wedding.) 

    Post # 21
    Member
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    well you should find out the reason why she invited just you because as previously mentioned maybe they couldnt afford it, didnt have room etc.

     

    just a story from my side. my Fiance wanted to invite his cousin who is married but are seprated, doesnt live with her husband and are going to divorce. so obviously we thought that we would invite her without her soon- to – be – ex husband. guess what, she almost got angry that we didnt invite him and told that she wont be attending without him. sorry, but wth? why would you want to come with a person you dont even live together? 

     

    Its not your case, just wanted to share.

    And other thing we dont have a big budget so we were really thinking about this aspect too when inviting people.

    Post # 22
    Member
    2267 posts
    Buzzing bee

    commenting to follow and see her response 

    Post # 23
    Member
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    and one more thing – when my fi best friend got married I wasnt also invited even if hang out together sometimes because they had like only 10 – 15 people at the wedding and it was super small wedding.

    And sure, i wasnt happy, was a bit hurt because I knew that to our wedding we have to invite them both plus theur 5 months old baby even if we have no kids policy at the wedding but thats couples choice. And now as bride myself I understand that there could be a lot of things behind this decision.

     

    sorry for long posts, Im just very emotional today 😀

    Post # 24
    Member
    554 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    This happened to me last year at my own brother’s wedding. I went, by myself, for my widowed mother but I no longer speak with my brother and his wife.  We were not engaged yet but we had been together for ten years, and living together, at that point ( brother and wife got married after three years).  Needless to say, I haven’t told them we’re getting married and they won’t be invited to our wedding.  It ruined my relationship with my brother. 

    I would suggest asking your friend. Maybe she made a mistake and then make your choice as to whether you want to go without your Fiance after your conversation with her.  I’m hoping for you, it was just a silly error.  

    Post # 25
    Member
    3276 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    We went to a wedding last weekend where the invitation was only addressed to Fiance. So we just sent back that he would be attending. They later email that of course I was invited and thought we would know that even though it wasn’t addressed that way. You could at least ask but don’t be offended if they say he’s not invited. I don’t consider people living together to be anymore serious than just another bf/gf.

     

    Post # 26
    Member
    8418 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would ask her……I mean she made you feel uncomfortable by not having his name on the invite. Did she really expect you just to ignore it and not address the issue? I think she set herself up for being put in an awkward situation. I sounds like you really want to go so hopefully its just a mistake.

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would just check with the bride as I myself wrote out 3 ( I think) invite that were single names and sent them out before remebering that they didnt have both names or atleast plus one. one I forgot the name of there partner and thought oh I fill that in later but forgot (luckly I put an ….& on the top so she could see i messed up). another I was going to put plus one as I didnt know they were still dating and the last one I was just sleepy.

    Im hoping that I havnt missed anymore off….. 

    Anyway I would check before RSPVing. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    1755 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I’d politely ask.  In my family, relatives have an annoying habit of not putting on +1’s or children on the invitations, except it’s an unspoken given that they’re invited.  Sometimes people make an assumption that you’ll simply know your Darling Husband is invited and don’t bother adding them on.  On the other hand, sometimes people truly don’t intend a plus one.  Just check with your friend nicely.

    Post # 29
    Member
    1397 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Ask if you can bring your SO. You should be able to, IMO, but maybe the answer is no. :- If they say no, be gracious about it… and then decide if you want to go alone, or politely decline the invite.

    Post # 30
    Member
    5153 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I would just ask. A friend (who had a boyfriend) and I were invited to an old co-workers wedding once. I was single, so didn’t care about not having a plus-one but my friend was kind of annoyed, but since I was going alone, she replied yes.

    A week after the wedding- the bride asked her why she didn’t bring her boyfriend to the wedding? We were shocked! 

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