(Closed) Partner not invited to wedding – WWYD?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is the couple justified in inviting me alone?

    Yes

    No, but mentioning it would also be rude - just decline the invitation

    No, but ask your friend whether your SO is invited, maybe she just forgot

    No, so it was probably a mistake - just RSVP yes for both of you

  • Post # 32
    Member
    3256 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    It’s possibly a mistake, or so small that they don’t have room fher your SO on the list.  If they are limited by venue capacity, as we are, it gets tricky.  I would just call your friend and say, “hey it’s no big deal, but I just wanted to check whether we were both invited, or if you only had room for me?”. It’s a little rude to invite just you, but if thats the case I would either just go and say nothing, or, if i felt upset about it, or my SO did, just RSVP no, but move on and just look atunit as my friend was rude about one thing.

    You never know, maybe your friends SO doesn’t like either of you, and had to fight to get you on the list at all, but the compromise was only 1 of you.  Weirder things have happened.

    Post # 33
    Hostess
    2997 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I have gotten an invite only addressed to me before. The couple knows both me and my Fiance so I thought it was so strange the invite was only for me. So first I asked the bride’s best friend if my boyfriend was invited.  She said “Hmmm I would assume so but I don’t know?”  So then I texted the bride and said “Hey, I’m so excited about the wedding, it’s coming up soon! Is it ok if _____ comes or is it limited seating?”

    Post # 34
    Member
    2453 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    View original reply
    @cwedding14:  I think there are a lot of reasons he could have been left off accidently…

    -Trying to do invitations at night with little sleep

    -Other person doing invitations, and either didn’t ask or forgot to ask

    -Bride wanted to check on spelling and forgot to add (this happens to me a lot)

    -Computer error in printing (especially depending on the program)

    -Just plain la-la land forgetfulness

    Post # 35
    Member
    614 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

    @Apple Blossom: I can see how those could apply….however, I think since invitations are a pretty important aspect of the wedding, I personally would have made sure every single invitation was COMPLETELY finished before sending them out. Maybe it’s just me, or maybe it’s because I believe that avoiding accidents like this is pretty straight-forward, but yea. I agree those things you listed could happen though…guess I’m too much of a perfectionist to let little things slip through my fingers lol.

    Post # 36
    Member
    2779 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @4cube:  They are 100% justified to invite whomever they want to their wedding. Should they have not invited a cousin or aunt just so you could bring your boyfriend?   Of course not. Weddings are expensive, venues have capacities and couples have a long list of friends and family to consider. This couple obviously chose a +1 criteria your boyfriend did not meet. If the cut off was married couples only, and they made an exception for you due to years together, they would have needed to make exceptions for others. If you value this friend, go support her on their big day alone, if you don’t then don’t. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    2779 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @MrsVandykins:  Are you kidding me? When we did our guest list, we went over it and over it, then randomly one day I was looking at it and realized we didn’t have a few people on it. Making a list of 100+ plus family and friends and making cuts and then re-adding some people; quite easy to forget a name or two.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @drummerbride:  Am I kidding you? What do you mean? From the sentences following that odd question you seem to be agreeing with me.  I said it could have been an oversight and you’re saying that it’s easy to forget a name or two. So no, I’m knot kidding you? We’re in agreement?

    ./confused

    Post # 39
    Member
    4765 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    LOL I just think it is hysterical that the poll is majority to ask if your SO is invited casue people always get their pants in a bunch when someone does this to them.

    I think it is perfectly ok to ask.  If she says no, I’d not go and I’d prob distance myself from this friend.

    Post # 40
    Member
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I think I’m the only one on this forum who thinks this is acceptable and just because you’re in a couple it doesn’t means that you would both be invited or that you’re entitled to a +1. if it was me personally, I would have no issue in going to the wedding without my SO especially if the friend meant a lot to me. it’s your choice obviously but that’s my view. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @4cube:  Have you called and asked yet?

     

    Post # 43
    Member
    2779 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @4cube:  Really? You obviously don’t value or care about her, if you did you would understand that a relative is more important then your boyfriend,  being able to invite actual friends who love and support her trump inviting your boyfriend.  If you cared about her, your boyfriend not being invited wouldn’t stop you from attending her wedding. I would never miss a friends wedding for such a ridiculous and selfish reason. So no she is not obligated to invite your boyfriend simply because the two of you are shacking up. This has nothing to do with her being rude, she’s not, it has to do with prioritizing her invites to be able to include everyone they both love and care about and want to share their day with.  Maybe one day when you’re planning a wedding and it comes down to a +1 for your friend ‘Ann’s’ boyfriend or your cousin, you will realize just how selfish you’re being getting so angry that your livein wasn’t included.

    Post # 44
    Member
    2779 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @PenguinLove:  I agree.  Planning a wedding with a smallish venue capacity and a Fiance with a huge and very close family means having to make some hard choices. When it comes down to it, yes that secobd cousin, whom we see at least once a month, is coming over a barely known bf/gf of another guest.

    Post # 45
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @drummerbride: Dude.  Really, take a deep breath. Have some chocolate.  You’re getting worked up about imaginary situations.  We DON”T KNOW if the SO is invited or not. We don’t know if he was cut for a cousin or not.  You’re not qualified after 1 page of comments to tell the OP whether or not she cares about her friend. Your whole tone is crazy antagonistic. Seriously, just chill.

     

     

     

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