(Closed) Partner with STI? (Herpes, mouth ulcers)

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’ve had canker sores all my life as well but have never had any issues with it.  It’s been a while in my adult life since I’ve had them (got them really  bad as a little kid but have kind of grown out of them I guess), they typically only come up now when I’m really stressed.  But when I do get them, no kissing or any other activity of the like for me because it not only has a potential to spread but it HURTS!  I started using Debacterol years ago and while it burns like fire, it essentially cauderizes the sore so the pain is gone and the sore is gone in a matter of a day or so after. It’s FANTASTIC! DH gets cold sores every great once in a while but again, we just wait til it’s gone to engage in any physical affection requiring mouths.    

As far as sleeping in the same bed?! Umm… NEVER have I ever heard of that being an issue! While I could think of some cartoonish, wayyyy out there scenario of spreading it, I find it extremely unlikely. lol

Post # 4
2058 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@redheadedstranger:  canker sores (sores inside the mouth on gums or cheeks) are NOT CONTAGIOUS. You can kiss all you want with them (however you may not want to because it hurts) 

cold sores (sores outside the mouth on the lips) are very contagious and kissing/ oral activity should be put on hold until the sore is completely healed. 


Post # 5
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Laurenskii:  Good to know! Like I said, I’ve always refrained in the past simply for the fact that they hurt. lol  I knew cold sores were highly contagious but have heard mixed things about canker sores.  Thanks for the input!

Post # 7
996 posts
Busy bee

@HopefulCatlover:  your title says herpes, but you never said that in your post, so for clarification, you are saying he has herpes right?

if thats the case then yes, generally during outbreaks, you shouldnt share extremely close quarters, but its your decision obviously

Post # 8
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Canker sores are not caused by the herpes virus, and are not contageous. They are incredibly painful, but no worries about passing them from person to person.

If he has herpes / cold sores, it is true that kissing, sharing drinks, etc. should be avoided, but I’ve never heard of sleeping in separate beds during a flare-up! That seems a little extreme to me.

Post # 10
7656 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@julies1949:  +1

I get cold sores, which is not necessarily an STI. I still sleep in the same bed as DH when I get them (I am actually just getting over one), but we do not share anything nor do I kiss him.

Post # 11
9692 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@megz06:  +1. I am just getting over one too and it’s a doozy. So disgusting, I hate it! My husband always says, “please get your herpe lip away from me.” He’s so romantic!

OP, we sleep in the same bed but don’t kiss or have oral sex. I’d never use his toothbrush anyway but I do use a separate hand and face towel when I have a cold sore. 

Post # 12
5664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it would be pretty hard to transmit something like that just from sleeping together. I mean unless he’s rubbing his mouth on his pillow and you do it after, it’s pretty unlikely!

Post # 13
2184 posts
Buzzing bee

@HopefulCatlover:  Omg first of all, I misread your username as HopefulCatheter and got kind of creeped out for a bit. Lol, that’s just so weird I had to say it.

Secondly, you need pretty direct contact with a cold sore or viral shedding to get herpes, so sleeping in the same bed would definitely be fine. I would probably also use separate hand/face towels like MrsPanda99 if I were in that situation.

Post # 16
5711 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Oral herpes are extremely common and many partners are just careful and never pass them to each other.  It’s possible to spread it through sheets, but it’s extremely unlikely.  Make sure not to share pillow cases or towels or anything while he has an outbreak. I think your mom is being a litte over the top.  I assume that he’s very good about being careful when he’s had an outbreak, right?  After an outbreak is over it’s good to wash the sheets & towels and toss out his toothbrush and so forth.

If you are really concered, talk to him about taking a supression drug such as Valtrex or Valcyclovir (not sure on spelling, but it’s the generic form of Valtrex).  One of the best ways of preventing the spread of cold sores is by supressing outbreaks.


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