Post # 1
My Fiance and I really don’t have a lot of money and though our family is helping a little (and when I say little, I mean our budget is $4000 for 120 guests), we really can’t invite everyone we would like to have there. Our max number is 120 people (which is even pushing it). My family accounts for about 30 of those people cause I have a really small family, but my Fiance’s takes up the rest…and that’s even with cutting a bunch out! So I was thinking of having a kind of engagement party for those people that we just can’t afford to invite. Kind of our own mini reception at home. I’m sure our friend’s will be understanding of this because they know how broke we are.
Does this seem tacky? A good idea? My thinking is to be able to share our day with the people that we won’t be able to otherwise, but I know how strange it sounds.
Post # 3
I think that if you are going to do this it should be after the wedding just so there isn’t any confusion about whether or not they are going to be invited to the wedding. Otherwise, it shoulds like a great idea. I just have one question: Do you have enough money to pay for this party? Because otherwise that defeats the purpose.
Post # 4
Cassied: Your heart is in the right place and I completely understand where you are coming from. I want to offer a few words of caution, though. It’s a very tricky area to try to recognize the friends who didn’t make the cut because it calls attention to the fact that they didn’t make the cut. I know you did not cut anyone for malicious means and that you are having a smaller guest list, and I do think your friends will understand that. But generally speaking, all wedding-y parties should only have guests who are also invited to the wedding.
Partly, this is because you don’t want to look like you are fishing for gifts from people who were not invited to attend the ceremony. If you were to indicate that it is a NO GIFTS “All we require is your presence” that may make it a bit more palatable.
How many people did you want to have to this mini-reception? Could you turn it into a series of dinner parties or something? I’m just afraid that your very good intentions could be interpreted incorrectly by someone, and we don’t want any hurt feelings. 🙂
Post # 5
I think a party after the wedding is a great idea. I know that if I was invited to an engagement party but not the wedding I would be ticked. So just plan for it after the wedding and make sure to tell guests that they should bring no gifts. That way they don’t feel like you didn’t invite them to the wedding but now want a gift after the fact.
Post # 6
Good idea with doing it after the wedding. And I definitely don’t want gifts! I was just thinking about doing a little backyard barbeque, hot dogs and such, byob type of party. It’s so tough that there are people that I want involved (as in come out and party at the bachelorette party and such) when I just can’t invite them to the wedding. Makes me feel super guilty. It really would only be 20-30 people between the two of us.
Post # 7
Don’t feel guilty. They understand. Your casual bbq sounds fun…like we said, just make sure no one things they are to bring gifts! Otherwise I am sure your friends would enjoy the chance to see you once you become a Mrs!!!
Post # 8
I think I wouldn’t even mention that this party is wedding related at all. Just send invites for a barbecue or housewarming party after the wedding & invite whomever you want. Then you’ll avoid the suspicion of seeking gifts from non-wedding invitees, plus byob becomes much more appropriate for that type of festivity!