(Closed) Party type and hosting dilemma need input

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
184 posts
Blushing bee


I live in the deep south, so my point of view may be different than what you are used to.

Family members never host a shower or tea and you never throw your own.

Your family can throw an engagement party, but that is not a bridal shower (never heard of combining them since a family is not supposed to host a shower/tea).  You can control whatever you’d like then—as your mom would be the hostess.

If the neighbor wants to host a shower for you—then the choices are hers as to what she serves and how she sets everything up.  You simply arrive and say thank you.

If you want to have a get together prior to your wedding—-call it an engagement party and specify on the invitations “no gifts please”.  


Hope that helps! 

Post # 4
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Im in Upsate NY, so my point of view differs a little from Lorelei.  My mom wanted me to have a shower, but was very hesitant on hosting, for the same reason that family isn’t supposed to host a shower.  For my family, an aunt would be ok.  Well, she dropped hints with my aunts, but no one picked up, and she wouldn’t just ask directly. So, she is hosting.  FMIL was also asked to host, but refused since she didn’t give her other DIL a shower (they had a destination wedding in Alaska).  

If your girlfriends in NYC offer a shower, then I think you could by all means accept.  And maybe have a get together at your mom’s house after the wedding, where your elderly relatives could attend, and then it would be ok to throw it yourself.

Post # 5
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am actually in a VERY similar situation.  Living in NYC, having wedding in the Finger Lakes which is between both mine and FI’s hometown’s.  I have no wedding party except for my sister who is essentially my Maid/Matron of Honor.  The main difference with me is probably that I don’t really know many people in Buffalo anymore and most of my family is scattered across the country.  

My sister is throwing me a tea party at her home in Buffalo where she invited most of my ‘upstate’ friends.  It’s going to be small though, maybe 8 – 10 guests.  I would have preferred something in NYC but my mom doesn’t really travel, so I conceeded to have something in Buffalo.  

I asked one of my good friends to organize a wine tour in Long Island that would essentially be open to all of my ‘nyc/downstate’ friends.  I’m having a relatively good turnout for this, right now 13 people are signed up for the wine tour.  Some more might be joining us for a dinner afterwards since it’s easier to get childcare for a few hours vs. the entire day.

I totally understand your thinking in having the ‘home reception/this/that/theotherthing’.  I think it’s really  nice that you’re trying to include everyone and make it convenient for them, etc.  I just think that if you label it an engagement party, couples shower, etc. it will become something more than you want it to.  What about people in Ohio that will be able to make it to the wedding but are also local?  Would they go to both?  Personally, I just couldn’t deal with all of the questions.

We’re hosting a Welcome Cocktail party for guests that are able to be in town the night before the wedding, we’re not having a rehersal dinner since we don’t really have a wedding party.  Even the welcome cocktails has conjured up all sorts of questions about what to wear, should I eat dinner before hand, will you have this kind of liquor, etc. It’s annoying, plain and simple.  In my mind it makes perfect sense, but since it’s not really a common thing – guests just want to make sure that they are on the same page.

I wouldn’t worry too much about who is hosting what unless your mom feels uncomfortable with it.  If you want it on neutral territory, maybe you could rent a pavillion at a park or something.

Good luck, hope you figure something out!

Post # 6
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

What if you had a 2nd reception after the wedding? In which no one had to bring gifts but you could invite those people who couldn’t make the trek to the wedding?

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