(Closed) Passive aggressive aunt, combative cousin and other lovely manipulations…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow, what a bizarre situation. It sounds like your Aunt/cousin started working on your grandfather, bad mouthing you, because they thought any money spent on your wedding would mean less money for them & theirwedding. Is your family considerably better off than the cousins? Or do to cousin/aunt have money problems. (Obviously your cousin’s mother/father would be the traditional party to pay for wedding – so getting grandpa to give money is saving her money)

Btw: what were your relationships like with grandpa and aunt/cousin before the wedding stuff? The aunt must be your mom or Dad’s sister – are they close/ get along? If not, do you think old simmering problems between them now being played out via their children’s lives? 

Obviously I have noidea about the whole situation but promising you some funds, allowing you to plan your wedding around that promise, then pulling out with only a month to go is seriously messed up. I would hope that maybe he had already made deposits or put forward some money? 

That letter you wrote grandpa (even if it was totally level headed) obviously deeply disturbed/ caused guilt/anger amongst you aunt/cousin/him. A lot of time when people are in the wrong being confronted with it gets them irrationally angry.

Given the current situation you are much better off w/o them at your wedding. You need to have a happy day – not one filled with petty drama, jealousy and BS from relatives.

Post # 4
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I never realised that a grandparent’s gift and love was conditional….

really sorry he did this to you. 

Post # 5
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow, what a bunch of busy body drama llamas you have in your family. I’m sorry, that sucks. It also sucks that your Grandfather backed out of his promise to you at the 11th hour. If anyone is putting a price tag on love, it would appear to be him. Perhaps your parent can intervene on your behalf and smooth things over? Or maybe go see or call your Grandfather and tell him that      You’re  sorry if anything you wrote hurt him and that was not your intention. On the other hand your grandfather sounds quite taciturn and volatile so perhaps it’s best to just leave the whole situation alone and just stop feeding into it. 

Im not criticizing you, but writing letters often has the very results you’ve experienced so maybe in the future just have direct, face-to-face conversations.

Post # 6
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

That’s crazy insane and complete bs.  I would say to disclude them from your life from now, but that just seems like an immature thing to do and seems as though they’ve already taken you from their lives.  It does sound like jealousy from the cousin and aunt.  Which.probably resulted in them corrupting your grandfathers views of you.  So here’s what I would do.  Act as though nothing has happened.  Continue to talk to them as though its just another day before all the drama rama happened to be stirred up.  Be the mature one that is essientially “not bothered” at all by the immaturity.  Kindness kills and eventually they’ll regret being such harsh buttheads.  And believe me when I say karma will make her rounds.  Maybe even sooner than later. 

Post # 7
567 posts
Busy bee



THIS +1.  Sorry OP, gifts shouldn’t be conditional.

Post # 8
8433 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I know everyone is saying that gifts should be unconditional and I agree but I also think that money rarely comes without strings.

Basic rules of accepting money- ask about any conditions before accepting and never count on it until it is in hand.

Honestly I think @Zhabeego: has given you good advice. Go and speak with your grandfather face to face and apologise to him for upsetting him with the letter as it wasn’t your intent. 

Post # 9
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Cognizant7:  Wow. I can’t believe that your grandfather did that to you a month before your wedding. That is really terrible and I’m sorry about the way that your cousin & aunt are treating you, that’s really none of their business.

I think that the only thing that you can do is to have a talk with your grandfather.

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