(Closed) passive aggressive BM

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

@YayBling: My best advice is ignore her; plan your wedding with and without her as part of your bridal party. Do not let her steal your joy. remember the prayer

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

you can not change this women – find your strength – that is the only way you will find happiness.

Be polite, respectful, aloof, learn to roll with it, if you do not care – she can’t win. Good Luck!

Post # 4
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Every story has two sides.  Reach out to her and talk to her about what might be going on in her life to make her act like this towards you.  She may be under her own personnal stress and is taking it out on you, but you’ll never know if you don’t talk to her.  Maybe after a calm chitchat you both will better understand where each of you are coming from.  Even though she makes “bank” you can never really know someone’s true finacial state.  Don’t assume that she has tons of money to spend on a dress you want her to wear, even if you did find a decently priced dress.  If, even after talking, you still find that her attitude has worn on you then let her know that she doesn’t have to stand next to you as you say your vows.  Just be respectful because she is your brother’s wife and will be apart of your life for years to come.  Good luck!!!

Post # 6
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@YayBling:  I would definitely reach out to her and talk to her like one of the other bees suggested.  People are quick to share the good details (like her making so much), but maybe she’s ashamed/doesn’t want to say they her family has fallen on hard times.  Or maybe for whatever reason, she’s upset with you, but doesn’t know how to approach you.  Talking will help.

I would caution you to not make judgements based on money though.  I make about 60k more than my siblings, but I also have the bigger expenses to go along with that money.  So, while it looks like I make a lot, in reality, most of it gets eaten up by bills/savings/retirement and there’s not a whole lot of “fun” money left over after everything is paid off.  So, try not to let her salary play into how you feel 🙂

Post # 7
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would shift all the responsibility you had planned on giving her to a better friend (or person with less stress if you’d like to be optimistic). That way, if she shows up on the day of with the dress, that’s all you need from her :). I’m sorry you’re going through so much! 

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