(Closed) Passive aggressive commenters have a 1Up. Grrr!!! How do you handle it?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2820 posts
Sugar bee

I guess when I hear comments like those I feel like it’s either insecurities on their part or something that their unhappy with in their own life so I don’t take it personally.  Like to the first comment I’d probably say – oh you should come with me some time, we’ll convince Brother-In-Law you need a break and get him to watch the kids for a bit.  And about the maternity leave I’d probably agree with her that it sucks that lots of employment doesn’t allow for flexibility with children.  I donno, her comments don’t sound like they’re attacking you personally, it just sounds like she’s got some unhappiness and isn’t dealing with it well.

Post # 4
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Ever try the agreement approach? If you’ve got a one upper just agree with them it seems to piss them off. Like when she asked about leave. If you were agreeing with her you’d say, “Yes. I’ll probably get more than you because my job is really awesome with fabulous benefits and it will be the perfect job to have when I have kids” It’s totally a bitchy way to one up her without saying anything negative to her.

Post # 5
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Bingo June42011:  agree with her!  It will take the wind right out of her sails!

“it took like TWO HOURS for my nails to be done, I’m SO spoiled and lucky to have all this free time on my hands, I feel so bad for people with kids taking up all their time!”



Post # 6
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

it almost sounds as if your in-laws are trying to put thoughts of having a baby into your head!

Post # 7
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@june42011 and @MissNoodles:  Bahahaha!

@Sasha2011:  I have to deal with a lot of passive agressive people everyday, whether it be at work or with my family/future in laws.  I tend to just ignore it.  It used to bother me a lot, but the more I have to deal with it, the easier it is to brush off.

Then again, when I’m PMSing, I tend to go the route of what june42011 and MissNoodles suggested.  😉

Post # 8
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I hate PA.  Plus, they act like they weren’t meaning it that way- they have a constant exit strategy.  They are often ready to pop too- unhappy and bubbling below the surface, so to say.

Post # 9
4824 posts
Honey bee

@MissNoodles: Tritto?

Dont give her amunition. Agree. If there is nothing wrong agree. Say “Yes! I am so happy I can get my naisl done, do you want to come next time? Its relaxing…”

Post # 11
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I love the PA game!

Sometimes if I don’t feel like getting into it I just say “Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on that”

I don’t know why, but it always leaves people speechless. That’s the key to good PA, don’t say anything directly rude and make them think about what they’re saying.

Post # 12
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

My BF’s ssiter does this, but not quite in the same infurriating manner.  She’s always the most busy of anyone, works harder than anyone, and ahs endured more hardship than anyone, worked harder for her education, does more housework, cooking, etc.  I get frustrated when I’ve heard her bemoan her relationship with her mohter (who I can tell has issues, but otherwise I can also see she busts her butt for her kids, so in my mind it evens out), and how she’s the “black sheep” of the family… when the family can’t wait to visit her and her husband every holiday, go to her house, check in on her, etc., while my SO and his younger brother ca go months or years without the parents stepping foot in their homes.  Also, it gets on my nerves simply becaue I HAVE been disowned by my family, those that haven’t passed on, and I HAVE no family, so to hear her complain about how her parents “don’t care about her” really annoys me.  If they talk to you at least once a year, you’re up on me.

I guess all you can do is realize that some people have to do this, and try to let it wash off your back with little concern.  I like the comments above telling you to agree with her, but could never pull that off without causing problems by being snakry. 

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