- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I have a friend who is part of a group of girls I’m super close to (though I am not personally superclose to her). When I was searching for venues, she made the point to specifically say “Please don’t pick X date for your wedding because I have a conflict with another wedding that day”. Now, I obviously was not trying to purposely pick a date she wasn’t free, but as it turned out, the date she told me not to book was the ONLY date our dream venue was available in June 2013, so Fiance and I made the choice to book it, since we really couldn’t plan our wedding around anyone who wasn’t family.
I had a phone conversation to tell her that I’m really sorry but we had to make this decision. I understand she has another commitment and am okay that she cannot attend my wedding. She said she was disappointed, but understand that planning a wedding in NYC was tough with venues. I even asked her to be an “honorary” bridesmaid so she knew that I still cared about her even though she couldn’t attend my wedding (I sort of felt obligated to since all the other girls in our group are in my bridal party).
So for the past 8 months, ever single chance she gets at a group dinner, she likes to say to people, “Well, she picked the ONLY date I couldn’t attend, so now I can’t be at her wedding.” I keep on deflecting it, but it’s getting old and i can’t believe after all this time, she still can’t let it go (even though she said she was fine with it).
Then last night, out of nowhere she asked me if “I was mad at her for something”. I was so confused because I don’t easily get mad. Yes, it’s annoying that she keeps on bringing up the date thing, but not enough to be mad or have that top of mind. Then she said she thinks I’m mad because I didn’t copy her on the bridesmaid dress email chain! I was so confused and thrown off because it’s not like she would actually be purchasing a bm dress, so it didn’t even cross my mind to copy her on an email where she couldn’t do anything about it.
I’m feeling like weddings should be positive and stress free and i’ve already moved past the fact that she has a date conflict and wasn’t going to let it affect our friendship.I also think it should be your choice how you want to manage your wedding, and I choose to keep things simpler by only involving people when actions/decisions are required (for example, if I’m asking the NYC girls to go visit a vendor with me, I don’t copy the out of town bridesmaids on the email because clearly they aren’t going to be here).
I know that the root of the issue goes back to the fact that she is upset I picked a wedding date she is unable to make. But again, I really can’t cater to every single guest. So now I just feel so stressed that someone who is not actually going to be attending my wedding is the one causing wedding drama!
Am I being an inconsiderate bride, or is she just very demanding as a friend?