(Closed) Passive aggressive ways to ask me to change?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@BittyBird112:  Oh, boy.  Sometimes men can be just so …. infuriating  is a good word, lol. Thoughtless and insensitive are a couple more!

Here’s what I’d do in response – send him a magazine image of a really buff, gorgeous guy (like Ryan Gosling) with six-pack abs and say the same words back to him that he said to you, “This is my ideal, honey.  No need to go worrying about it or try to change or anything, but just wanted you to know my ideal man-fantasy.”

And I would absolutely not change one thing about my hair.  In fact, I’d probably head straight to the salon and have more red added in, lol.  😉

Post # 4
986 posts
Busy bee

@BittyBird112: What? I, like you, am super confused by this. I have to agree with @Sunfire and say I would totally go all red haha. I don’t understand why he would text you and share his “favorite color” that he hasn’t liked before, but then he tells you that he hates the red…? 

Men can be so stupid.  

Post # 5
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah this is bizarre behavior. Why does he have such strong feelings about your hair color that he wants you to change it? It sounds like you haven’t asked “what hair color would you prefer me to have?” so there is no reason for him to chime in with it.

I agree with Sunfire, send him a picture of someone that is your ideal and ask him to try to look more like them. You should dye your hair blue if it makes you happy.

Post # 6
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

This has got to be one of the top ten weirdest text message arguments I’ve ever heard…for one thing, in my experience here’s what men notice about hair: 1. Is it on her head?  2.  Is it anywhere else?  Done….but I’m willing to accept the idea that there’s a man out there with some very definite and specific hair requirements, like yours….but changing what you like for his satisfaction is stupid and THAT is why they invented wigs honey…

If it were me, I would go buy a wig JUST like Miss Slutty Britches in the picture he sent, show up unannounced in nothing but a pair of heels, a trench coat and said wig…let him get that caramel haired hussy out of his system and go back to being your fabulous dusky haired self

Post # 7
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Have you even tried to ask him why he sent it or what he wants out of that exchange? It actually sounds like he isn’t a passive aggressive person. So just be direct with him, and let him know how it made you feel.

Not communicating with him about it, reading into it, and asking strangers to interpret his actions is way more passive aggressive.

Post # 9
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@BittyBird112:  I would avoid acting like a child and being passive aggressive in return. I would however continue to do and be what you think is beautiful, don’t dye your hair just because he saw a pretty girl and has decided to turn you into her.

If he hates red but loves you, he’ll get over it. I don’t know him so obviously take this with a grain of salt but he sounds judgey. I would be wary of letting him dictate who you are or how you present yourself to the world.

Post # 10
9490 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Sunfire:  +1.  THIS is what I would consider doing Smile

But really…I would just talk to him about it if it’s bothering you.

Post # 11
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@BittyBird112:  This would actually really upset me.. Maybe I’d be overreacting, but it might even make me rethink…everything.  I’ve never been with someone so outspoken about his preferences though, so I guess it’s just not something I’m used to.  I did, however, date a guy when I was 18 (I’m 30 now) who one day felt the need to point out all of my physical flaws in a “joking” manner.  Sadly, I can still remember his exact words, and am still self-conscious about the things he pointed out.

Post # 13
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@BittyBird112:  Maybe it’s just his weird, roundabout way of saying he likes your natural hair color.  I agree that it’s a weird text, but it’s probably him just feeling awkward bringing it up.  I’d say just talk to him, maybe he wants to be included in your beauty regimen.

Post # 14
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

That would rub me the wrong way too. It’s mostly the way he did it. It doesn’t annoy me when my Darling Husband points out things he likes when we sees them, like “I like that kind of hair style” or “That sort of dress is really cute” and such, but it’s done in passing and not so… direct? If my husband just sent me a picture being like “Hey this is my favorite hair colour, By The Way, but no pressure”, I would be kind of put off.

I would just ask him about him and let him know how it made you feel. Maybe it’s just a miscommunication.

Post # 15
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think HE thinks he’s being sly and smart. Men are dunderheads. You said that the picture he sent you was close to your natural color, correct? Perhaps he misses your natural haircolor and this was his way of telling you.

It was dumb, but there you go, men are stupid. I don’t he ment any harm. If you tell him he hurt your feelings, I’m sure he’ll say that wasn’t his intention. ::hug::

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