- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
So yesterday was my family member’s funeral. Call them X. X and I were really close. I avoid most of my family at all costs, and since X passed last Friday, I had been NOT looking foward to seeing my immediate family.
Alas, I had to see them this weekend. I have this other family member: Call her Sandy. I have only seen Sandy three times in the last 4-5 years. She’s my older sister (she is the middle, I am the youngest). Sandy is unmarried but in general seems to have always had a pretty good life after childhood in a way that I did not but I think she still is unhappy. Being a few years older than me she had college paid for, she lived in a tropical place on the beach, she went to Ivy League schools, and she lives in Manhattan. I live in the same vacinity as X, so we spent a lot of time together- esp. the last few years of X’s life.
So, each of the last few times I have seen Sandy she has randomly attacked me verbally. I never know what is going to set her off. I am super nice to her and sort of walk on eggshells because she is really really a nasty mean person. (Even as I type this, I know that may not be the best approach- but I like getting along and having a decent time.) This time, it went like this:
Sandy: “My new boyfriend thinks it is really cool that we call X “X.”‘ I turn and say excitedly, “I made that up!” (because I did when I was about 10 years old.) “You didn’t MAKE THAT UP!” (with eyes closed, head shaking back and forth slowly and said with heavy aggression, anger, and sarcasm.) Me: “Um, yes I did.” Sandy: “There is NO WAY that you MADE THAT UP! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WE HAVE ALWAYS CALLED HIM THAT! You couldn’t have come up with that.” She is now being very sarcastic and yelling and being very dramatic.
Something about it – we had just been at his funeral, and she does not have a very clear memory- she often says things happened that did not, and denies things that did happen- but I felt it important to stand up to her because that name was very important to me. It got worse from there. I said I was “100% sure.” She said with heavy sarcasm, “WOW! That is a lot of percent…. 100.” I said, “Yes, that is all of it, because I am 100% sure.” Then she said “I am sure that name existed somewhere else in the world at the time.” Then she said that “I REALLY WANTED to argue with her.”
It is more the way she treats me than the actual words. She was smiling this huge smile the entire time. She is really disrespectful and rude and she doesn’t care how she makes me feel. I stood up to her and I left to get some air. I cannot have an opinion, an idea, a hope for my furture, a memory, a truth about my past- nothing, without her jumping on me and denying it. Last year she attacked me because I said that I had a difficult childhood. She screamed at me, “get over it! You are FINE!” The year before that it was my plans for my future that set her off, and the other year it was a name I liked for possible future children. It can happen at any time and in front of anyone. When she came down to where I was sitting, she smiled this huge smile and said she had something to make it all better. She passed me some candy. Like nothing had happened and that could make it okay? At that point, I left. It is as if she hates me and jumps on me at anytime randomly. She will never ever ever say anything good to me or about myself or give me a compliment but she is quick to tell me I am fat or that “she has never had money problems” with mean condescending tone, making fun of me in front of other people and laughing at me.
What gives? I feel like I just cannot ever be around her. Maybe that is the only solution.