(Closed) Passively tossed out of the wedding party; what's my next move?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2780 posts
Sugar bee

@bellagothVT:  I think you should just return the clothes/gift and move on. They’re obviously not good friends and you don’t need people like that in your life.

Post # 4
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Are you sure X and B aren’t dating now? This sounds terribly fishy.

Post # 5
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

I would return everything and probably not attend the wedding (assuming there is even an invite). It seems like B, C and D don’t value your friendship as much as you do. 

 

Have you tried initiating contact with them in the past 2 months?

Post # 6
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Sorry for the above comment, that’s not what you asked about. Being constructive: I’d contact C any way I could so I could hear it straight from the horse’s mouth, and see if there’s even a friendship left. Be up front and tell her her communication was poorly executed, and that you deserve respect despite the awkward scenario.

Post # 7
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1993

I doubt you’ll be able to get any money back on the bridesmaid dress itself, but I would return the gift you purchased for this couple and any extra attire peices that go with the dress (earrings, shoes, etc). If you DO get an invite to the wedding I might go, bring a date (even if it is just a close girl friend or guy friend) and not give a gift. Your gift money was wasted on a dress you no longer need. 🙂

Sounds like there might be more behind the scenes things going on, and that B might be the voice whispering things in to C’s ear.

Post # 8
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

forget them, and a gift. take the clothes back or wear elsewhere. its obvious its more to the story and who really wants to be somewhere they obviously arent wanted. dont stress yourself about it. let it go, they are not your friends and leave ur ex in the past…nothing more nothing less

Post # 10
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry you are going through this.  It sounds to be as if B, C and (by extention D) have all chosen a side, your ex’s.  And from that, they have opted to exclude you from their events/festivities for A. Saying she doesn’t have your number or that they don’t think that it might be uncomfortable for you is BS. On that basis, why is A still invited and you are not?  You don’t need friends like that. 

I would return the gifts and move on. =(

Post # 12
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would be mad and I would make the bride tell me herself and if you weren’t invited I would make her pay me for the dress. I don’t think these people are good friends at all, sorry this is happening!

Post # 13
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Just crash the wedding and confront everyone. If nothing else, it will make for a good story. It doesn’t seem like you’ll be speaking to them much, so there isn’t much of a friendship to ruin.

(Kidding, kidding)

Post # 14
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

That sucks. Maybe try to get ahold of C, just tell her that you are sorry she doesn’t feel like you can be part of her day and that you are dissappointed about it. Say you understand and then invite her to do something non-wedding related and see if she wants to hang out with you. 

 

I don’t necessarily think telling her you deserve respect as a PP said is the right way to go about it, that seems more confrontational to me and could easily be the last straw of the friendship. 

 

I do think it’s lame for everyone to be ignoring you, but maybe the wedding is stressing C out?

Post # 15
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@CoCoCourtney:  Yeah, you’re right. I recently got dumped as a friend, and I’m overly sensitive to the fall out.

Post # 16
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @bellagothVT:  first and foremost, the truly important stuff…

I see you are NEW here… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”

I am a bit of an Etiquette Snob (comes from my career)

So I will comment not so much on the drama / trauma aspects… but what is actually going on in reality

The truth is UNTIL one has an ACTUAL INVITE IN HAND… then is not technically invited.

So that part is clear cut.

As to whether you are still in the Wedding Party… well only Bride C can answer that

If she has any backbone (integrity) she’ll be calling you one way or the other… she owes you that

If she never calls then you have your answer… you are out (Wedding is WHEN ?)

I wouldn’t be calling her… makes you look sort of desperate if she’s already decided you are out (and she doesn’t have the decency to call you)… as if you are trying too hard.

And the whole premise of NEW Phone, no numbers, getting B to call you etc.

Oh… pllllleeeaze !!

8-} *Rolls Eyes*

If she wants you still as a Bridesmaid she’d call… afterall at some point in time she’d be giving you more info etc.

Rest of the stuff…

B is for “Busy Body”

I wouldn’t be surprised IF she is sleeping with A, and wanting to find some way to “control” the situation and rub your nose in it (whatever… WHO I say, needs such a person in their life, let alone call them a friend)

Take the high road (you sound like a nice classy lady) and let the 4 of these people enjoy each other’s immature company if that is what they want to do

You can do better than this for friends.

(( HUGS ))

PS… On the otherhand, if you do hear from Bride C and still want to be in her Wedding, then go for it.  No way in H#LL should A or B be dictating WHO your friends are, or what YOU CHOOSE to do with your life / social time etc.  You can go have a good time, fulfil your obligation, be a supportive friend, and be the classiest lady in the room… honestly in life that is the best revenge… being able to pick yourself up off the ground after a break up and going on to be more fabulous than you were before… trust me, Exes end up noticing such stuff, and kicking their butts for being too narrow minded / stupid to appreciate it when they had it in their grasp.  And now, lol you’ve moved on and find the history you’ve shared YOUR PAST for a reason, you’ve moved on and UP.  And going back would be pointless, because it would be literally going backwards.

You rock… you will find an amazing guy… just be you.

 

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