(Closed) Passwords and Cellphones

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 91
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016 - 1950s themed bar

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forgottenme:  Oh dear…If you knew about it then and accepted it then I don’t know how you can change the dirty picture sending now. It’s weird that it’s his “own” because isn’t marriage about two people becoming one? If I were in your position I would bring it up directly and say I wasn’t accepting that behaviour or secrecy any more and if he couldn’t accept that I felt strongly about it and tried to manipulate me into thinking I was in the wrong, I would be out of there. Maybe you should consider counselling for some better advice?

Post # 92
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Fiance and I both have passwords on our phones, but it’s the same one, a combo of our birth dates. We have them on there because we have nieces who like to grab our phones and go through them “looking for games” and don’t particularly want them to. We use each other’s phones if our own isn’t nearby. We both had passwords when we started dated . No, I wouldn’t ask him to take it off just because we started dated, everyone deserves privacy. 

Post # 93
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee

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forgottenme: Okay, I only just read your responses and oh my, girl, I’m shocked. 1. He actually had the nerve to say, “If you don’t like it, there’s the door”?! and 2. You actually stayed after that?! It doesn’t sound like he really cared either way. Instead of saying, “I made a mistake, I’m sorry, it will never happen again” (which still wouldn’t sit well with me), he went the “I made a mistake, sh*t happens, get over it” route. What’s done is done but I think this all falls in the made your bed, now lie in it category. He didn’t even ask you to stay, he just said “stay or go, I don’t really care either way” and turned it all back on you. Wow. That’s not a marriage, that’s him living his little boy life and you being around to go along with it all. That’s rough.

Post # 94
Member
2134 posts
Buzzing bee

I do not have a password on my cell phone but my fi does. He gets work emails on his phone so he needs to have a password because of the nature of his work. 

Due to some problems that happened a long long time ago we have a rule that if I ask to see his phone he has to show me immediately and vice versa. I also have his passwords. Neither one of us uses the rule but it’s just reassuring having it. The original issue was a weird misunderstanding to begin with, so there wasn’t really even trust issues.  

With that being said, I would have some serious issues if he wouldn’t give me his password or show me his phone. It would probably cause me to have a little seed of doubt that would turn into mistrust really fast.

Post # 95
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t know why DH has a password on his phone and I honestly don’t care. The second he put the password on, he told me what it was. I know all of his passwords for his Facebook, Email, phone, etc., and vice versa. We have passwords for privacy reasons. Neither of us care if the other goes through our phones. In fact, if something happens, I’ll tell him to grab my phone and check it out.

Post # 96
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 

I think everyone should have a password/passcode on their phone. With all the personal information, phone numbers, email, etc. it’s so easy for it to fall into the wrong hands if it became lost. It just adds a bit of security to your device and I think someone would be crazy not to use that feature/function. 

I have one and DH has one. He actually set his up to be the same code as mine. We don’t really go on each others phones. We do sometimes, but DH usually just plays games on his phone. 

 

 

Post # 97
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve always had a passcode on my phone. DH didn’t. If he needed anything on my phone (e.g. holiday pics) I’d tell him the passcode – doesn’t bother me and it wouldn’t cross my mind that he’d go through my phone. He has a passcode now – but has decided to have it the same as mine (which made me laugh when I first needed to use his phone). 

We don’t go through each other’s phone. If I ever found him snooping through mine, there’d be major words had!

The idea that you have to give passwords etc and give each other free reign to snoop etc as a sign of trust is the biggest lack of trust ever.

Post # 98
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Everything we have is password protected.   But I know his and he knows mine.  I’m in his phone all the time.  To text someone back while he’s driving, to watch a clip sent by his family, etc.  

No big deal. 

Post # 99
Member
506 posts
Busy bee

We both know each others passwords, I’s just not a big deal since we got nothing to hide. If he is planning a surprise for me, and has some secret information on his e-mail about it, he just tells me not to check his e-mail right now, and I do the same. I guess we have the passwords in case we would loose our phones. 

Post # 100
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I dont have a password on mine, and his phone is fingerprint password protected. It doesn’t bother me..

Post # 101
Member
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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forgottenme:  I do not know my Fiance password. He has things on his phone pertaining to me and he doesn’t want me snooping. If you had asked me before meeting him if I would be ok with that, I would have told you no. But I actually am because I trust him 110% (as it should be with anyone you are going to marry). 

Post # 102
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I have all his passwords to everything. 

Post # 103
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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forgottenme:  We both have passwords on our phones because we have work email and they require that. We both know each others passwords…and even have each others fingerprints on the phones to unlock. He knows I’ve gotten the itch once or twice to look, mostly because I’m a spaz…he’s a trustworthy fella. I don’t know why I do it, he mostly rolls his eyes and we move on. 

Post # 104
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

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forgottenme:  DH does not have a password on his phone and I do have one (formally for work and just kept it), but he knows it (I think) and also his finger print unlocks mine. Dont know why he does not use one, probably bc he doesn’t use his phone often and it’s not for work so he isn’t concerned with security. 

 

I wouldn’t have expected him to take it off if he did have one, or necessarily tell me the code, but pws for everything else (email and computers etc) get told for convenience at one time or another so if he had one when I met him, I’d know it by now– but wouldn’t have asked just because. 

Post # 105
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

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forgottenme:  And advice to you, that may or may not have been covered: have you every tried just asking?

Instead of you get full access, much to his dismay, or he gets full privacy, much to yours, what about you can ask him who he is texting or what he is talking about if you feel curious — or maybe even be allowed to ask to see it once and awhile? Maybe if you felt you had access and he felt he had privacy you would feel better and know you didn’t need to try and look Bc you can. Sometimes thats all it is about, feeling barred from something. Also, he has some right to privacy, but should be able to answeR ANY question honestly and should have no problem with an arrangement like that. 

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