(Closed) Past loves, current FI – anyone else have great connections with old friends?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

No way!

I think that is hard to deal with for all parties involved. I believe you must put them in the past for them to truly be in the past!

Both of our past relationships didn’t end very well though so that may be biasing my opinion!

Good for you for having good relationship with your exes!

Post # 4
Member
3575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have a few men who were in my life years ago that I’m still friends with. Each one had their time and place and I feel they were there for me to get to my Fiance.  A lesson was learned with each one.

Two will always have a special place but no one has my heart like my Fiance does.

Post # 5
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Nope, but that’s because I’ve only had one boyfriend besides R, and he was definitely not a love! Haha. We started dating when we were 14, so that doesn’t leave a lot of room for past experiences. 

Post # 6
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Hmm… I have two serious exs. The first I am casual friends with (facebook each other, chat on aim maybe every few months). I wouldn’t call us “close.” The second one I don’t have contact with at all. We were together for 5 years and it was a hard breakup. I’m not saying I could never be friends with him…. but for right now it just seems like trouble. 

I do have a very close male friend that I’ve known for about 9 years. We never dated but I could see that some men might be threatened by our relationship. Luckily Fiance is understanding about him, likes him, and we all hang out. Sometimes we don’t get to pick the gender of the people who become our best friends 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am good friends again with one of my exes.  He will be attending the wedding… luckily Fiance is not the jealous type.  It took a long time for me to get to this place with my ex — we were NOT friends immediately after our breakup, but now we have a solid friendship again.  The best part is… we’re really secure with why we broke up and why things would never ever work out again for us as a couple, which makes it much easier for us to be friends.  I think it can be totally fine to be friends with your exes as long as your fiance is ok with it too…

Post # 8
Member
5495 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

To a degree. There were 2 guys I was very serious with before I met Fiance. One was is High School, so of course I guess you could say we learned a lot from each other, but we’re not friends now. Then there’s the man before I began to date Fiance. I think he hurt me the most, and I’m sure I’ll always have a place in my heart for him since we’ve known each other for years and years. But I also make it a point to not talk to him either, because I fear it would just make things waaaay to complicated.

Post # 9
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

ha ha, nope I definitely do not have this problem. When I broke my with my ex’s there was always a very good reason… sometimes I joke that until I met my husband my “picker” was broken.

Post # 10
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m not friends with any of my ex’s, and I do not wish to be. This is just mine and Fiance opnion so don’t take it personally, but we don’t think it’s respectful to still have a relationship in any form with a past lover, even if you didn’t sleep with them. It just doesn’t seem right to us. We think ex’s are ex’s for a reason, and they should remain in the past, and not come into the future with us, and even if I didn’t think this way, I still don’t think I would be, because those things can get complicated sometimes.

Post # 11
Member
900 posts
Busy bee

The was one other guy in my life.  And while we were still minimally in touch, we weren’t close anymore.  We had a few friends in common.  There were never any bad feelings.  We were just never really in the same place at the same time so what could have been never really happened and we grew apart.  His place in my life never should have been an issue between my husband and me.

But he was killed by a drunk driver just a few weeks before my husband proposed.  This relationship that should have never been an issue suddenly exploded.  I had to explain to my then fiance who this person was and he had to watch me mourn all the while wondering if I had still been in love with this man.  I went away to the funeral for a weekend and he stayed at home confused and insecure.  He was also nervous enough knowing he was going to propose in just a few weeks so he started questioning everything.  I wasn’t still in love with him, but I was still destroyed by his death.  It was an awful few weeks and ultimately my husband did propose.  It was an interesting time in my life.  Being torn between unbearable grief and unbearable joy.  It made me realize that happiness and sadness are not mutually exclusive and can co-exist.

Post # 12
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Interesting post topic. At this point in my life I am not good friends with any of my past boyfriends, which at times makes me feel a bit…nostalgic and sad. I wonder how they’re doing and what they’re up to in their life. It’s never moved me to reach out because we have our own separate lives now, but I do feel bittersweet about it now and again. Which, honestly, I think is only human. I think more power to you if you have solid friendships with these men. Only shows the trust you have in your relationship and the maturity you have as adults! Cheers all around.

Post # 13
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

You know, I am in touch with some of my own ex’s.  A couple of them are great friends!  I don’t know how comfortable my Boyfriend or Best Friend is with them, though, so I’m minimalized it.  We’re all growing up and moving in our own directions, but I still love them all in different ways!

Post # 14
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I am still in contact with all of my exes and although I don’t think my Fiance likes it, he accepts that’s the way it is. He’s met most of them and I’m completely open about all communication.  Just last night one of my ex fiances texted me so I read the stupid text to Fiance and he said he can’t believe I almost married suck a smuck.  Agreed. 

Post # 15
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Eh, we loved them for a reason, right? My best friend, apart from my husband, is my ex. He was my Maid/Matron of Honor at my wedding and we’re all very good friends. 

Post # 16
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am in touch with one of my ex’s and we chat at least weekly. He is still one of my best friends. While my Fiance is not insecure, I never wanted him to feel like there was even a remote possibility of something happening, so I am very very open about still talking to him and I always put Fiance first, and include him in a lot of the interaction. It was rough last year when the ex was diagnosed with cancer and literally had nobody else to help him through the chemo (his family is Bad People and his friends were mostly military buddies who have been picked off through the years), but we turned it into my Fiance and I both helping him and I think it really helped Fiance and me to grow more together because he was able to witness the interaction and see that there was nothing sexual going on. However, the ex and I both really respect that there are boundaries that are never to be crossed, and if Fiance ever asked me to cut off the relationship…well, I probably would. But it works out pretty well nowadays as I have taken on more of a sisterly role and the ex has moved on to a new girl. I think that if there were still romantic type feelings, then it would not be appropriate.

The topic ‘Past loves, current FI – anyone else have great connections with old friends?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors