- 8 years ago
For a long time (over 6 months) through all my bouts of waiting ups and downs, even when I was crazy angry/sad with waiting, I still, underneath was excited for the “eventual” proposal. I’m past that now. For awhile I was angry and it was coming on regularly (every two weeks or so I’d have an episode.) I’m calm now, and not anxious, but I’m also not excited.
For example…. for 6 months, I got regular manicures with acrylic nails. Two months ago, I took them off and I have no excitement to get them back on. I spent a lot of money on my “waiting-nails.”
For 6 months, I made sure to wear the best outfits and the best clothes all the time. Now, I’m throwing on the first thing I find most of the time.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still taking care of myself, but you know, the constant leg shaving in case this is the day…. pllllbbbbblllbbb…. I CAN’T do it anymore.
We went on a trip about 5 months ago, and I got the whole works. Wax, spray tan, nails etc (Not a fake-y look) just trying to look my best… it didn’t happen then, and I was so disappointed on all the money I spent trying to feel my best when it did happen.
I know it’s coming, and I know it’s coming soon, but even that knowlege isn’t enough to get me to the salon. It isn’t enough to make me shave my legs more than necessary. And those fricken acrylics… well, I’m not paying for them anymore. I don’t want to. And you know, that kinda ticks me off. How much I spent and now I’m past it all, so now when he does propose… yay… (sarcastic)
I’m wondering if i’ll even be excited when he does ask. Will I even care? I mean, yes of course I’ll care… but I’m kinda pissed too, you know and I don’t think I can “forgive” all the ridiculous waiting fiascos, the expenses, the emotional upheavals, the not feeling good enough at times… the wait has just been too long. Period.