(Closed) Pastor forgot about me.. again :( Make me feel better?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?
    Act like it never happened.. again. : (3 votes)
    7 %
    Nicely ask him to write it down the next time he asks you to give a sermon. : (27 votes)
    63 %
    Politely decline to give sermons anymore. : (8 votes)
    19 %
    Tell him he's a big, meany, poo poo head and you're never, ever doing sermons again... ever : (5 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    668 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think you should at least address it. Joke about it with him even. Even financial advisors have some kind of sense of humor! Let him know that you had something prepared and were really looking forward to it. Maybe he just had a lot of other things going on and just plain forgot. I doubt he intentionally left you out. Give him one more chance and if it ever happens again, THEN politely decline.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7673 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You need to call him out on this! As you say you worked for days on your sermon. (I’ve done the occasional kids’ sermon so I know exactly what it’s like). He is either super forgetful or super arrogant (i.e. if the latter, he thinks your time is worth nothing, he can ask you then drop you). I hope it’s the former. So you really need to confront him and explain you worked for ages on this, and then he went back on his word, without even telling you. If he’s hard to talk to, bring your fiance along.

    I feel for you and I hope you get to your childrens’ sermon another time.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1619 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Yeah you should absolutely say something about it!  That was pretty rude of him and whoever planned that evening to forget to include you after you worked so hard on your part!  While I wouldn’t be mean about it, I definitely wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut after that.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2450 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    i would say something, and i wouldn’t do it as a joke.

    i would tell him that he has hurt your feelings. he needs to know just as you would tell anyone else who does that to you.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1185 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Those are really ridiculous poll options.  He probably forgot he asked you and made a mistake.  You should mention it and say you were disappointed.

    Post # 8
    Member
    46675 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would raise the issue in a private discussion at a later date. I don’t know the age of this pastor, but he needs to know he has memory problems.

    As you love to do it, the next time he asks, I would phone the day before to remind im.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7673 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @OnceUponATime:  It depends on the pastor, but in general I think this needs more than being raised jokingly. It really is unacceptable to ask someone to do such a major thing and then just forget. If he does it to you he probably does it to other people too. This really needs to be raised – firmly, though politely.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1185 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Yes, start a conversation. Call him up during his church office hours (or however you normally and appropriately approach him) and say you want to talk about the Christmas Eve service.  When he says “Oh?  What about it?” you say, “Two weeks ago, you asked me to give the childrens’ sermon on Christmas Eve.  I was there and ready, but you never called me to the lecturn.  What happened?”  Then he talks and then you say “Well, I was so disappointed.  I spent 3 days writing that sermon and I feel XYZ.”  Then he offers up his side and you figure it out.

    Post # 13
    Member
    7673 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @OnceUponATime:  If it was me and my pastor it’d be something like…

    I’d approach him after church, and say “Excuse me, can I ask you something?” And then “What happened with the children’s talk last week? You know you asked me to do it. And I had one all prepared.” Then I’d work into the conversation how much time I’d spent on it. (EDIT: And how this has happened before).

    But it all depends on the pastor. Personally I’d try to have the conversation in person rather than over the phone or by email/text.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I would mention it to him.  Then remind him a few times during the year as a reminder of how much you’d like to do it. Maybe if you start doing a childrens mass throughout the year he will remember. I wouldn’t embarass him about it, like you said, he’s basically a lay person and this isn’t his only gig. 

    (((HUGS))) for all your hard work… and for thinking of the kids in the three parishes (sp).

    Post # 15
    Member
    1497 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    How could he forget asking you something so specific?

    You definitely should bring it up. Maybe you could call him a few days before Sunday and say, “I still have all the materials for the sermon you asked me to give. I know it’s a week later, but should I do it on Sunday?”

    If he declines it and/or acts like it’s no big deal, I would then politely decline decline giving any future sermons.

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