Post # 1
Our church’s website, the materials we’ve filled out and our pastor himself have never specifically asked if we live together. There’s also nothing I can find that says they don’t perform weddings for people who live together. So I haven’t said anything. I’ve answered all their questions truthfully, but I’m wondering, should I volunteer this information and risk having them turn us away two months before the wedding or should I keep my mouth shut?
Post # 3
Personally, I think it’s only a big deal if you make it into a big deal.
Post # 4
If they didn’t perform a ceremony because of this then they would have asked you. I wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 5
i was never asked either – and i got married in a catholic church and living together is usually a big no no but they didnt ask at all and i didnt offer up the information.
Post # 6
if they don’t ask, they don’t want to know.
Post # 7
@MissKatelyn: This is when “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” applies. If they don’t ask, you don’t tell!!!
Seriously, it’s not a big deal. MANY people live together before marriage for a plethora of reasons.
What he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him. 😉
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s a big deal, but if he doesn’t ask you then I wouldn’t tell him as long as it doesn’t effect anything else.
Post # 9
If he really wanted to know for some reason or was going to care, he’d have asked.
There is no need to volunteer information that they obviously don’t care about.
Post # 10
It depends on what you’re comfortable with 🙂 I think he probably would’ve asked if it were necessary for them to know… I know our pastor asked (even though he already knew?, but I guess he had to formally ask us), and since we do live together he won’t be officiating our ceremony, but he will be attending the wedding. Bummer, but oh well… we found a non-denominational officiant instead.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t say anything. If he doesn’t ask, the church didn’t ask, and there’s no material saying they wont perform a marriage if you live together…then don’t tell. No reason to bring it up if they didn’t.
The church I attend where I live specifically says on their website they will not perform marriages for people who live together first. They will provide pre-marital counseling, but will not perform those marriages.
My pastor who will be performing the ceremony (from my church in Texas) has never asked about our living situation and I haven’t offered up the information either. If it mattered, he would ask.
Post # 12
We did the research and knew that our religion (Anglican) didn’t really seem to mind on the issue. When the question came up in the meeting, we hesitated but ultimately we told the truth (I mean, lying to the Reverand…yikes!) and knew that the truth was the better option.
Our Reverand told us, “our church would be irresponsible to ignore the reality of couples today and besides, I prefer to marry people who have lived together because they know what they are getting themselves into.” I loved that response.
Is “not telling” the same as lying?
Post # 13
Sometimes I think they avoid the issue because they don’t care but technically the church can be finicky about it. Our priest had us both list our parents addresses instead of our own. I never asked him why but I had a suspicion it was because he personally didn’t care (he knew we lived together) but maybe the church would care, I donno if that was why though.
Post # 14
So I did some digging and I found the new 2011 marriage request form on their site and they DO ask if you live together and if we’d be willing to consider alternative arrangements. This was not on last year’s form, and even if it was, we weren’t living together when we initially talked to them. So maybe that’s why they never asked?
So now what should I do? Should I pipe up or just go with the flow? I’m the kind of person who hates giving people the wrong idea, but I also know that 1) we’re not moving and 2) how am I supposed to find a new person in 2 months?
Post # 15
I think it would be super crappy of them to cancel on you, and it’s probably not an issue since he didn’t ask. However, I think you should tell the pastor, because do you really want to stand up on your wedding day worried about the fact that you’re keeping something huge from the person who’s blessing your marriage? I would just mention it for peace of mind.
Post # 16
I think its worse to be a liar than someone that lives with their fiance. If he outright asks, I wouldn’t lie- I wouldn’t offer the information up though.