- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2015 - City, State
I would send them an email that says, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her” and then cut ties. I’m sure you can find another church and another officiant, especially if you explain the situation.
(Disclaimer: I’m an atheist.)
Wow, I feel really lucky. I’m a staunch Christian and my Fiance is a staunch athiest, but our church is delighted to be marrying us (we’re getting married in the church by my pastor). I can’t imagine them telling us we shouldn’t get married! I’m so sorry you had that experience, but southern Baptist is one of the most conservative denominations. I’m not surprised that was your experience :/
As I read your initial post, I kept thinking to myself: “This sounds like a Southern Baptist Church” … and then I saw a few responses later that it was. It didn’t surprise me. As I said, I grew up Southern Baptist — very strict, conservative Southern Baptist. My DH is a “cradle Catholic”.
When my DH and I started dating in college, my Sunday School teacher and friends with whom I attended church at the time (also a SB church) staged an “intervention” of sorts. They invited me to what I thought was an extra Bible study and lunch. When I got there, we all sat down in a circle — to begin Bible study, I thought — but it ended up with everyone going around the circle saying how terrible it was that I was dating my DH and how our relationship could never work and how we would never be able to get married or that we wouldn’t stay married if we did manage to make it to the altar. All of this because my DH was Catholic.
I got so upset with them. I had only been dating DH for 3 months or so at the time, but I already knew he was “The One” for me. I could not stop crying, and I left the house where the gathering was, called DH to come get me, and never went back to that church again. Later, the SS teacher even called my mother (I was in my 20s at the time!) to tell her I had stopped going to church. Bleh.
Anyhow, DH and I did get married. We’ve had a wonderful and happy marriage for almost 16 years now, and we’re still going strong. My childhood pastor married us (yes, he is also Southern Baptist, but he was happy to do it because he had known me my whole life and DH for many years).
I am so sorry you had to go through a terrible experience like this, and so very sorry that people you trusted and (maybe) even liked said such mean and cruel things to you. You and your Fiance will come out of all of this just fine. And I am certain you will go on to have a long and happy marriage! *internet hugs & good wishes*
I am a Christian and my SO though he was raised a Christian, considers himself Agnostic. I strongly believe that everyone has their own spiritual path to travel, and NOBODY should judge them for that. ESPECIALLY not a “pastor”. I’ve seen to many instances of people being judged harshly and turned away from the church, when these are the people that should be welcomed with OPEN ARMS!!!
I originally wanted my childhood pastor to marry us as well (seeing as he married my parents, sister, and all three brothers), but he is now in his 80s and has officially retired. I know if he wasn’t retired, that without a doubt he would have married us. He is very close with our family… he was my pastor for the first 15 years of my life, and with my parents for yeeeeears before I was even born.
So thats why I went with my new pastor (and fyi, he’s not the Senior Pastor… he is the Youth & Young Adult Pastor. I wasn’t even going to ask the Sr Pastor because a: I don’t know him well, and b: people said he is really harsh when you do pre-marital counseling with him. So I went with the YA pastor that I knew… but obviouisly that didn’t work out either. Oh well.
This is a blessing in disguise. Leave this church and find a less judgmental one. Good luck to you.
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