(Closed) Pastor wont marry us (long)

posted 6 years ago in Christian
Post # 31
Member
2801 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - City, State

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canadajane:  Personally, their philosophy of agreeing to disagree is not what I would consider “being on the same page about religion.” To me, in a relationship, being on the same page would mean both of them are Christians. That’s fine if neither one of them is trying to change the other person, that’s a very mature way to handle things. I was just saying that personally, I find marrying a non-Christian to be a valid concern for the church to voice.

Post # 32
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I would send them an email that says, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her” and then cut ties. I’m sure you can find another church and another officiant, especially if you explain the situation. 

 

(Disclaimer: I’m an atheist.) 

Post # 33
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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GirlyGirl24:  Agreed. I don’t agree with the “you will end up divorced” comment.  Uncalled for

 

Post # 34
Member
2801 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - City, State

HersheysKisses:  I think that was very rude of them to say too.

Post # 35
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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GirlyGirl24:  No not you the OP said something about the pastor saying they would likely end up in divorce. THat is uncalled for.  I completely agree with your posts

Post # 36
Member
2801 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - City, State

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HersheysKisses:  Yep I saw that then. LOL. Thank you.

Post # 37
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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LeonardLady:  Wow, how judgemental.  Try not to take it personally, it sounds like they are the ones with faults, not you.  May sound crazy, but we found our officiant on Craigslist for $75.  He is very religious but respected the fact that I am not.  Maybe you could look there?  You never know.

Post # 38
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

Wow, I feel really lucky. I’m a staunch Christian and my Fiance is a staunch athiest, but our church is delighted to be marrying us (we’re getting married in the church by my pastor). I can’t imagine them telling us we shouldn’t get married!  I’m so sorry you had that experience, but southern Baptist is one of the most conservative denominations. I’m not surprised that was your experience :/

Post # 39
Member
5940 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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LeonardLady:  I’m actually surprised you kept going after they denied you membership. At least by then you knew they were super judge-y. I think many churches are too judge-y. I got married in the Catholic church the 1st time and we had to go through the pre-marital counseling. They said the only reason we would get divorced was because I wasn’t Catholic (husband was). We thought that was ridiculous. He didn’t care that I wasn’t Catholic. Joke’s on them, we got divorced for a different reason. Just find a more open church, your Fiance will probably appreciate that as well since he doesn’t know where he stands on this religion thing.

Post # 40
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper

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LeonardLady: I want to preface my comment with this: I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST CHURCH — at all. I was raised in this church, and most of my family still attends this church. I still go to worship services with my parents when I visit them, too.

As I read your initial post, I kept thinking to myself: “This sounds like a Southern Baptist Church” … and then I saw a few responses later that it was. It didn’t surprise me. As I said, I grew up Southern Baptist — very strict, conservative Southern Baptist. My DH is a “cradle Catholic”.

When my DH and I started dating in college, my Sunday School teacher and friends with whom I attended church at the time (also a SB church) staged an “intervention” of sorts. They invited me to what I thought was an extra Bible study and lunch. When I got there, we all sat down in a circle — to begin Bible study, I thought — but it ended up with everyone going around the circle saying how terrible it was that I was dating my DH and how our relationship could never work and  how we would never be able to get married or that we wouldn’t stay married if we did manage to make it to the altar. All of this because my DH was Catholic.

I got so upset with them. I had only been dating DH for 3 months or so at the time, but I already knew he was “The One” for me. I could not stop crying, and I left the house where the gathering was, called DH to come get me, and never went back to that church again. Later, the SS teacher even called my mother (I was in my 20s at the time!) to tell her I had stopped going to church. Bleh.

Anyhow, DH and I did get married. We’ve had a wonderful and happy marriage for almost 16 years now, and we’re still going strong. My childhood pastor married us (yes, he is also Southern Baptist, but he was happy to do it because he had known me my whole life and DH for many years).

I am so sorry you had to go through a terrible experience like this, and so very sorry that people you trusted and (maybe) even liked said such mean and cruel things to you. You and your Fiance will come out of all of this just fine. And I am certain you will go on to have a long and happy marriage! *internet hugs & good wishes*

Post # 41
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - The Centurian Palace

I am a Christian and my SO though he was raised a Christian, considers himself Agnostic. I strongly believe that everyone has their own spiritual path to travel, and NOBODY should judge them for that. ESPECIALLY not a “pastor”. I’ve seen to many instances of people being judged harshly and turned away from the church, when these are the people that should be welcomed with OPEN ARMS!!! 

Post # 43
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

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LeonardLady:  Fiance and I are in the same exact situation except I am the questioner. I agree that it’s not a deal breaker. Fiance has never pushed me towards religion. I was raised Lutheran and am not sure what I beleive now. I do, however, fully respect his beliefs and am okay with our kids attending church.

Post # 45
Member
4499 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is a blessing in disguise. Leave this church and find a less judgmental one. Good luck to you.

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