(Closed) Pay cousin $300 to officiate?

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think you’re being a brat.  The $300 was supposed to cover her services and part of her travel expenses, otherwise you could just find a cheaper officiant to marry you and she could pay her own way as a guest.  Do you think you could talk to her about it? 

Post # 4
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@MarieW: I would feel the same way you are feeling. What does your Fiance think about this? Since its his family, I think he should deal  with it and maybe talk to his parents. Since her travel cost are being covered by his parents, I would offer her $150, telling her that when you told her you would pay her $300, the amount included her services and her travel cost. 

Post # 5
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ouch! My FH is a pastor and he has never asked for money to marry anyone. In their conference it isn’t even allowed. They are allowed to accept donations especially for travel expenses but they aren’t even allowed to ask for that! (Though he is allowed to refuse because of cost to travel.) The last wedding he performed the couple got him a tie. It is a nice tie but he has TONS! The wedding before that was a fish plaque. I can’t remember the last time someone paid him $.

Wow I honestly can’t believe a pastor, a family member would ask so much! I would talk to her or have FH talk to her. Maybe she will at least see she hurt some feelings.  

Post # 6
Member
487 posts
Helper bee

I would be really irritated as well.  You decided on $300 dollars to cover travel fees, and she is getting that.  The fact that she is getting that from his parents doesn’t matter.  He needs to talk with her and tell her that she is getting what you agreed upon and if she doesn’t want to do it then you will have to find a new officiant.

Post # 7
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think she is being a bit ridiculous! But, honestly… I would probably just suck it up and pay it to avoid drama. 

Post # 8
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Thats ridiculous, our minister’s policy is ‘any donation is welcome’, we’re going to give him about $150, so yeah- that cousin kind of sounds money hungry..

Post # 10
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Our priest only charges $100. We will probably give him $150 ($50 extra) as an honorarium.

I would feel the same way you do about it.

Post # 11
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would feel taken advantage of. What she is doing is horrible – unless she is really having hard financial times. Even then, the family is taking care of the travel so she isn’t out anything. Would she not come if she was just invited as a guest? She would have to pay her own travel then. The whole thing is just in bad taste. She’s looking to make a buck off of her family.

I’d have your Fiance talk to his family about this. See what they suggest.

We are having an old family friend of FI’s family officiate. He won’t accept anything from us. We’ll likely get him a nice gift.

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