(Closed) Pay for attending engagement party?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Eeeek. $200/person mandatory to attend an engagement party. You’re right, that’s not normal and I would bet this will impact the amount of people who actually attend the party. That’s a bit crazy

Post # 3
4905 posts
Honey bee

Sorry, I barely got past the title.

Hard pass.

If it was an informal “everyone, let’s meet up for happy hour to celebrate” then I’d give a pass for paying my own way.  But whatever this is?  Nope.  Or paying my own way for your exorbitantly expensive party is now my wedding present to you along with your birthday and maybe Christmas, too.  Hope you didn’t really want whatever you will be registering for.

Post # 4
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Hahaha…no, I would not be attending and I’d probably laugh and wish him the best with it if my brother tried to tell me that directly on the phone.

Post # 5
2412 posts
Buzzing bee

Horrid. You don’t “invite” people to lay out big bucks for a nonessential social event in which they’ve had zero input.

Hope you are able to come up with a reasonable excuse, and be sure to lard it with murmurs of “……..If we’d ONLY KNOWN SOONER…..”

Stay alert for more cheesy nonsense following this, up to and including the wedding, and keep your excuses folio up to date. I’m betting you’ll need it again soon.

Post # 6
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Yeah, you’ve got yourself a cheeky beggar with the MoH there OP. I did the conversion to sterling – no way would I pay a £152 entry fee (each!!) for an engagement party. I can’t imagine many others will either.

Put your foot down now, or the ridiculous costs will keep rising and the shower, stag and hen etc. will cost a fortune too, so will outfits etc.

Post # 7
1257 posts
Bumble bee

This isn’t a thing. If guests know ahead of time it will greatly impact attendance. Worse, it gets dropped on guests at the party. The best case scenario is awkwardness. Worst case, people straight up walk out and the “host” pays the whole bill. (As they should have to begin with)

Post # 8
9639 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

trends have changed in 10 years but this is straight up rude and inconsiderate.

the only way i would pay to attend is if it was a causual, let’s celebrate with drinks and apps.  then i could spend as much or as little as i wanted.

but being required to pay $200/person, what kind of party is this?  a surprise wedding, then that would be my gift and say good riddance. 

your parents are smart to decline the ridiculous summons.

Post # 10
1560 posts
Bumble bee

Oh no, my babysitter fell through, what a shame, I guess I won’t be paying $200 a head for dinner after all. 

To clarify, the above answer is cheeky. 

Post # 11
4917 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d be really careful what you tell them. I think you HAVE to mention the cost being prohibitive because that with (a) warn them that your budget will play a role for future wedding-related expenses and hopefully clue them in to not selection $600 bm dress or the like and (b) keep them from saying that since you RSVPed yes originally, you’re on the hook for the $200 anyway, even if your “babysitter fell through” or whatever.

You can be kind, but I think referring to the cost is key…

Post # 13
3837 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

That’s hilarious!  No, no that is not a thing reasonable people do and I wouldn’t hesitate to state that the cost was far too much. Honestly, people shouldn’t be required to pay anything to attend an engagement party. Payment is the responsibility of the host. Hopefully this kind of thinking won’t spill over into the wedding planning itself.

Post # 14
3514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Honestly the Maid/Matron of Honor is going to get completely screwed over when NO ONE shows up to this party. I would ask your brother to reconsider for their own sake! What a disaster. I don’t know anyone who would pay 200$ pp to attend an engagement party. 

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