Post # 31
This is the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard. I always assumed when you hosted something it was the hosts responsibility to cover everything. I’ve never heard of a party where you have to pay admission.
I once went to a birthday party where there was a cost per head, but that was more like a group of friends going out to dinner and it was no more than we would have normally spent per person before drinks.
I’m not sure why the hosts wouldn’t choose something they can afford. I never got the sense that this was a mandatory bridal party obligation so why host it if you can’t afford it?
Post # 32
thankfulbride : This is your brother and you’re close enough that you and your husband are both in the wedding party. Can’t you call and ask him, “Mom said people are going to have to pay $200 per person to attend this. Did she mishear or something, because I can’t believe this is true. If it is, it’s going to be really embarassing for you and [bride] because it’s not acceptable. And it would mean I won’t be able to come. What’s the story?”
If what your mom said is true, I’d encourage him to decline the party because people will hold it against him and his fiance just as much as the hosts. And if they go ahead with it anyway, I would not even consider attending and I wouldn’t feel the least bit bad about it. That is an absurd and completely unreasonable ask.
Post # 33
- Wedding: August 2018 - Four Seasons Hotel Los Angeles at Beverly Hills
Hell no. It’s really rude to charge people “admission” to any type of wedding event or wedding. And $200 a head?? Seriously?? That’s more than the cost of some wedding packages!
Post # 34
Nope, nope, nope. Even if the entrance fee was only $10, this still wouldn’t be acceptable. Host the event you can afford. My engagement party was a backyard BBQ.
Post # 36
- Wedding: Chateau Lake Louise
No. Effing. Way.
If the Maid/Matron of Honor offered to “host” a party, that means she is offering to cover the cost of “hosting” people. That is not what this is. This is her making a reservation for a large group of people without actually doing anything to “host”
I had a situation like this come up with a friend’s birthday party. Hubs wanted to surprise his wife with a birthday dinner. I was all about it. Until, about a week before the event, he sent us a sample of the pre fixe menu. Not only was it not a dinner I would choose myself, it was $150 a head. I love this girl, but I am not dropping $300 on a friend’s birthday party. I told him under the circumstances we were unable to attend, but hoped they had a nice evening.
Asking guests to pay for a berth at a party isn’t a party; it’s fundraising event, and not an appropriate pre-wedding activity. Not a thing.
Post # 37
No way is that a thing… Even if their friends would want to attend and pay their way many people don’t have that kind of change to spend on other peoples party. .
The Maid/Matron of Honor and Best man are going to find themselves in a bind when nobody shows and they will have to cover the minimum spend to book the venue. I predict that they will chase your brother and Future Sister-In-Law for the cash and the friendship will end in the lead up to the wedding.
Be honest with your brother and tell him this 200 buck fundraiser will backfire royally. They as the couple will look like tools for allowing this idiocy to occur. 😕
Post # 38
Daisy_Mae : +1
Exactly. If this was a family member of mine, I wouldn’t tread so lightly, I’d be asking ‘have you lost your freaking mind?! No, this is not a thing. What on earth are you thinking???’
It would be a kindness in the long run because as Daisy Mae says, people will be holding this against the bride and groom as well as the hosts. And I can see A LOT of declines for this.
Post # 39
My wonderful SIL hosted a dinner party for her husband and she paid for everything! She threw a surprise birthday bash and paid for all the drinks and food ordered. Everyone invited had no problem paying for their own orders but because she invited everyone she paid. It was not a cheap night…I think the total bill was close to 5k but that is what people do when they host parties. Having to pay $200 a head for an engagement party is not appropriate
Post # 40
Daisy_Mae : Absolutely! I called him this morning and asked about it directly. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t missing some major recent trend in engagement parties before I did! I couldn’t imagine that it was, but strange things happen…
When I talked to him, he did confirm what my mom said ($200/person, they still haven’t told anyone about the cost). He said that they’re trying to get the cost down to about $100/person and that’s why they haven’t shared it yet. (That made me laugh! Yes, I’m sure the $100 difference is the dealbreaker here.) I told him I thought it was cost prohibitive either way and that it’s inappropriate to charge people to attend a party they’re hosting. That though we would love to celebrate with them, we wouldn’t be able to attend – and I had a big hunch that many others wouldn’t either.
He said they’d had concerns about the cost originally, but that the Maid/Matron of Honor told them that she had friends who did the same thing for their engagement party and people understood, so they were going along with the idea. (Seriously? I’d like to meet those friends.) He seemed to take the concerns to heart this time though. His fiancee’s parents and my parents raised the same issues with them when they shared the details over the weekend. So I think they’re getting the bigger picture from a few places and it’s sinking in. It’s just ridiculous to me that they waited until two weeks before this thing to let anyone in on the details…but I think that’s telling of how out of touch they were in the first place.
Not sure where that leaves their plans, but I’m hoping they have enough time to adjust or cancel this thing. I still can’t for the life of me figure out why they really thought this was an okay idea in the first place. I’m really, really hoping that they take away some sense of moderation for wedding planning going forward…
Thank you all a bunch!!
Post # 41
Wow, I’d thought I’d heard abotu every way to make your guests pay for your wants until I saw this. I can’t believe they honestly think this a reasonable ask. For $200 my FH and I can have a fancy dinner out, with wine, appies, dessert and a cab and a sitter.
The only way I can see this going is your brother engagement party either being empty or attended by angry resentful people and the Maid/Matron of Honor ending up with a big bill she can’t afford. Please keep us updated on what ends up happening. I’d love to hear how this one turns out.
Post # 42
thankfulbride : No your brother and the Maid/Matron of Honor or whoever is “hosting” need a reality check. I got married last year, it’s not a trend, it’s tacky as hell. I’d say “sorry brother but $400 for both of us to attend is ridiculous and I can’t afford it.”
Post # 43
thankfulbride : please update later, I want to know what they decide to do!
Post # 44
I’m sorry, that’s just awful! How/when is she going to break the news of the cost to her guests?
Post # 45
Why is the Maid/Matron of Honor so fixated on having this cost-per-head at an expensive restaurant? This isn’t a thing, it’s never been ‘a thing’ and it’s not the hot nouveau trend she’s trying to market it as. So wtf is up with her? Sounds shady AF, I’d be suspicious of her agenda here.
FWIW I can imagine only someone with $$$$ can afford to throw an expensive engagement bash at a posh restaurant- but they’d also be willing to host the evening and pay for it. Those without the $$$$ &/ or the inclination to pay for such extravagance would have more consideration for other people’s budgets than to try and foist the price tag for this ill-thought out party onto the guests. And it’s just crass and horrible etiquette. So either Maid/Matron of Honor is completely clueless and inconsiderate or she’s a con.