(Closed) Pay for your own plate at a bridal shower?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it acceptable to ask shower guests to foot the bill?
    Yes, I think that's fine. : (15 votes)
    8 %
    No, not acceptable. : (162 votes)
    92 %
  • Post # 16
    1916 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    That is definitely in poor taste and would definitely rub me the wrong way.  I wouldn’t bother going to any of their parties again.  I would be mortified if someone threw me a shower and asked all of the guests to pay.

    Post # 17
    1097 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    MrsEdamame:  Total etiquette faux pas! As a guest, you are invited to a place not of your choosing and the person throwing is hosting so you should not be opening your wallet at all. 

    I would be furious if I brought a gift to the bride and was expected to pay for my food. Showers are on my mind right now as I just attended a few recently and had my own just a week ago. If that happened at any of those showers I attended….As a bride, I would be humiliated. As a guest, I would be embarrased for them! I also would want to know ahead of time to expect to pay for my meal so I A) un-RSVP or if I really wanted to go 1) bring money and 2) take that into account when purchasing a gift. 

    If the host doesn’t want to pay for a meal, have it at a non-meal time and serve snacks and drinks.

    That is crazy! 

    Post # 18
    2942 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I would be mortified as the bride.  If the expectation is set up front in a very clear way that you are paying for lunch, maybe, possibly I could see it being okay.  Also, if it wasn’t a shower were I was already expected to bring a gift.  But to spring the bill on you after you are done eating when you are obviously not prepared for it.  No, I would not be happy.

    Post # 19
    295 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Zhabeego:  I agree that part of being a good host if you invite people somewhere that you shouldn’t be expecting them to pay, especially if it’s a shower. All I said is I personally wouldn’t have a problem paying my own way because I know how my friends are financially.

    Post # 20
    4698 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    What’s wrong with people.. if you can’t afford it, just don’t host. There’s nothing wrong with that, or god forbid hosting something you CAN afford.


    Post # 22
    3682 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013


    Post # 23
    1649 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2000


    Post # 24
    9172 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    if i was expected to foot my bill, i would have taken my gift back.

    Post # 25
    929 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Oh my…. You were raised correctly. The host pays for the shower and all expenses that go along with it. It might have been a little different had the host explained that she would need all guests to pay for their own plate beforehand. What if you had come with no cash or credit card? That would have been mortifying! Or perhaps you were on a tight budget and paying for a dinner out simply wasn’t in your budget that week? NONONO that’s just wrong. I apologize on behalf of the person that had threw tactless shower.

    Post # 26
    12119 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    I just want to add that even though it’s common for people to chip in for a bachelorette or friend’s bday party,  IMO it’s  no different.   If you get a written invitation to something that you were not asked to be involved in,  plan, or approve, you should not be expected to pay,  whether it’s common practice for everyone in your circles to contribute or not. 

    Post # 28
    799 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    That’s crazy. I had 13 people at my shower (we’re having a small wedding) and my mother paid the entire bill. It was rude of them to ask their guests to pay – I would have been caught off guard as well. 


    Post # 29
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    MrsEdamame:  I’m going to buck the trend here because every single shower/hens day i’ve been to (at a restaurant), the guests have paid for themselves. Maybe its just one of those ‘different rules in different areas’ things but i’ve never seen or heard of a host covering the cost (unless it is a small gathering at someones home).

    If it’s at a restaurant, guests always cover the cost, however you always let guests know ahead of time what the per head cost is (on or with the invitation) and gifts are never extravagent. Usually guests are told not to bring a gift and if they do, its usually a small token gesture.

    Given this is what i’m used to, I always expect to pay for myself.

    Post # 30
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    MrsEdamame:  Oof. I wouldn’t mind paying if I had agreed to it ahead of time and the place wasn’t too pricey… Like another poster said, if it was decided by consensus and the bill wasn’t a surprise. 

    But I already kinda think bridal showers are a bit unnecessary. It’s not like a baby shower anymore, where you actually need all the things. I didn’t have one, that was my moment to protest. That said, they’re normal here. I’m not offended that people have them. I will attend and bring a gift if I feel close enough to the bride. But adding a surprise bill onto an event I’m already skeptical of… Not cool.

    The topic ‘Pay for your own plate at a bridal shower?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors