(Closed) Pay for your own plate at a bridal shower?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it acceptable to ask shower guests to foot the bill?
    Yes, I think that's fine. : (15 votes)
    8 %
    No, not acceptable. : (162 votes)
    92 %
  • Post # 31
    2890 posts
    Sugar bee

    MrsEdamame:  Where I live, even weddings are more and more ”pay for your plate” events. They have become socially acceptable in many social circles and most venues even suggest how much to ask each guest to pay. However, the big difference is that this practice isn’t ”sneaky”, it’s mentioned upfront with the invitation, so there is no surprise among guests at the end of the meal. If you can’t afford to/don’t want to pay, you decline on your RSVP. If you decide to come, you send a cheque weeks before the event. It doesn’t happen like you mentioned, with people finding out at the end of the evening that they have to foot their bill. It’s already paid for when they show up. If the same happened as you described, it would be considered extremely rude. 

    Post # 32
    3638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I have no problem with it but ONLY when it is done as follows:

    1. It is made clear that you will be paying for your food on the invitation (or by word of mouth)
    2. Presents are not opened at the event seeing as most people will have spent money on being there and not gifts. The gift you gave was your presence. 

    Having it sprung on you like that is nasty and completely rude.

    I don’t even have a problem with this at weddings. If a couple wants to get married but can’t afford it. I see no problem in making it clear that guests need to cover their plate but that obviously they shouldn’t also buy a gift (mostly the money is paid before the event) and that there are no hard feelings if a couple doesn’t attend. This is especially good for older couples who don’t need gifts but would love to celebrate with their family and friends. As long as nothing is a surprise and guests can choose to attend or not, I see nothing wrong with it.

    Post # 34
    804 posts
    Busy bee

    Wow that’s so rude! I voted no in the instance you’ve described, but I think it’s fine if it’s clear that people are paying their own way and no gifts are given (just making it more of a get-together).

    Post # 35
    12091 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    Except that the purpose of a bridal shower is to give gifts in order to help start the couple out with the household necessities. If there are no gifts, it’s not a shower at all.

    And while there is nothing wrong with chipping in as a group to take someone out, or throw a cooperative party, there is a big problem if everything is dictated and planned by one or more people who take none of anyone else’s opinions into account. You can’t give yourself the role of a host and have it both ways. 

    Post # 36
    728 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Very rude! Hosting the event is part of the thank you for them coming and bringing gifts. I would much rather someone throw a potluck shower in their home then go to a restaurant they can’t afford and at the last minute ask guests to foot the bill.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by  Songstress_7.
    Post # 37
    3307 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    What a ridiculous situation. If you can’t afford a shower at a restaurant, have one in someone’s home. It can be done very reasonably.

    Some people have no manners and no class. And the entitlement (I want/deserve this, so other people should pay for it) is disgusting.

    Post # 38
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza

    asianyoushi:  +1

    In general, you shouldn’t be expected to pay for your meal at a shower.  And if they were expecting you to do so, they probably should have stated so in advance.

    Post # 39
    1 posts

    MrsEdamame:  I don’t understand how anyone can say they don’t know ‘how something works’ these days. It’s 2014…Google it!

    Post # 40
    9135 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    It’s rude to spring that on guests.  There is a reasonable assumption that a bridal shower is a party where the hostess takes care of the arrangements and payments.  If the hostess wants people to pay their own way then she should have indicated it on the invitation.  If it’s not mentioned on the invitation, it’s the height of gift grabby.

    Post # 41
    1 posts
    • Wedding: February 2015

    NauticalDisaster:  how would you word that on the invite???

    Post # 42
    2669 posts
    Sugar bee


    Unbelieveable tacky.

    Doesn’t anyone practice etiquette anymore?

    Post # 43
    263 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    MrsEdamame:  Oh wow, that like inviting someone over for dinner and telling them to bring the food… Lol that’s a no-no. 

    Post # 44
    912 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I agree with PPs: this is so rude.  If they had indicated that you were paying, then maybe.  But to have it sprung on you is awful.

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