Post # 31
MrsEdamame: Where I live, even weddings are more and more ”pay for your plate” events. They have become socially acceptable in many social circles and most venues even suggest how much to ask each guest to pay. However, the big difference is that this practice isn’t ”sneaky”, it’s mentioned upfront with the invitation, so there is no surprise among guests at the end of the meal. If you can’t afford to/don’t want to pay, you decline on your RSVP. If you decide to come, you send a cheque weeks before the event. It doesn’t happen like you mentioned, with people finding out at the end of the evening that they have to foot their bill. It’s already paid for when they show up. If the same happened as you described, it would be considered extremely rude.
Post # 32
I have no problem with it but ONLY when it is done as follows:
- It is made clear that you will be paying for your food on the invitation (or by word of mouth)
- Presents are not opened at the event seeing as most people will have spent money on being there and not gifts. The gift you gave was your presence.
Having it sprung on you like that is nasty and completely rude.
I don’t even have a problem with this at weddings. If a couple wants to get married but can’t afford it. I see no problem in making it clear that guests need to cover their plate but that obviously they shouldn’t also buy a gift (mostly the money is paid before the event) and that there are no hard feelings if a couple doesn’t attend. This is especially good for older couples who don’t need gifts but would love to celebrate with their family and friends. As long as nothing is a surprise and guests can choose to attend or not, I see nothing wrong with it.
Post # 33
NauticalDisaster: Everdeen: I agree with you both — the situation would have been a bit different if the two hosts had clearly stated guests were covering their own plates either on the invite, or via word of mouth.
Post # 34
Wow that’s so rude! I voted no in the instance you’ve described, but I think it’s fine if it’s clear that people are paying their own way and no gifts are given (just making it more of a get-together).
Post # 35
Except that the purpose of a bridal shower is to give gifts in order to help start the couple out with the household necessities. If there are no gifts, it’s not a shower at all.
And while there is nothing wrong with chipping in as a group to take someone out, or throw a cooperative party, there is a big problem if everything is dictated and planned by one or more people who take none of anyone else’s opinions into account. You can’t give yourself the role of a host and have it both ways.
Post # 36
Very rude! Hosting the event is part of the thank you for them coming and bringing gifts. I would much rather someone throw a potluck shower in their home then go to a restaurant they can’t afford and at the last minute ask guests to foot the bill.
Post # 37
What a ridiculous situation. If you can’t afford a shower at a restaurant, have one in someone’s home. It can be done very reasonably.
Some people have no manners and no class. And the entitlement (I want/deserve this, so other people should pay for it) is disgusting.
Post # 38
- Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza
In general, you shouldn’t be expected to pay for your meal at a shower. And if they were expecting you to do so, they probably should have stated so in advance.
Post # 39
MrsEdamame: I don’t understand how anyone can say they don’t know ‘how something works’ these days. It’s 2014…Google it!
Post # 40
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
It’s rude to spring that on guests. There is a reasonable assumption that a bridal shower is a party where the hostess takes care of the arrangements and payments. If the hostess wants people to pay their own way then she should have indicated it on the invitation. If it’s not mentioned on the invitation, it’s the height of gift grabby.
Post # 41
NauticalDisaster: how would you word that on the invite???
Post # 42
Doesn’t anyone practice etiquette anymore?
Post # 43
MrsEdamame: Oh wow, that like inviting someone over for dinner and telling them to bring the food… Lol that’s a no-no.
Post # 44
I agree with PPs: this is so rude. If they had indicated that you were paying, then maybe. But to have it sprung on you is awful.