Pay when you rsvp?!

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

oh my GODDDDDD i have no words for that nonsense

Post # 17
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee

Even if they were my best friend in the entire world, sibling, etc., I wouldn’t go. 

Post # 18
Member
14 posts
Newbee

OMGGGGGG.That is so tacky!

Post # 19
Member
2471 posts
Buzzing bee

“Come to my party pay for your food bring me a present make it cash”.

Post # 20
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Wow!!

Post # 21
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

My co worker just had a bridal shower. Her mom and aunt we’re at the entrance of the venue and we’re collecting 75$ from each guest to pay for the shower. The guests were also told they needed to bring gifts. The bride had no clue this was happening. 

 

Post # 22
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

No, I would get a cold feeling from this one, probably decline. 

My wedding was in my in-laws house. There were about 50 there, SILs did the food, there wasn’t dancing but there was cameraderie. I was told by one coworker this was rude, that the reason people give you a gift is that you have to have dancing and show them a good time. I think she was missing it too.

It didn’t cost a thing to attend my Saturday afternoon wedding. No registry, just an invitation. 

Post # 23
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee

Ask to see a receipt to verify the amount you would be paying. 😂

Is this for real? This is so tacky, I cannot even begin. 

Post # 24
Member
3870 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I will admit that I find this odd. This isn’t a fundraising event, this is a wedding, which is totally optional in regards to happening or not. What happens if you don’t pay for your plate? Do you not get to eat/attend? Also, if I pay, I say, you girl, you best be sending me proofs of the invites and menu so that I can add my input. 

I don’t know if I would decline or not, but if it put me in a tough place financially, I don’t know. The guests should not be on the hook because you want to have a lavish wedding. I gift what I can gift, end of story. If your wedding costs roughly $175 a head, that’s not my problem, nor my responsibility to cover. 

See, here’s my thing, I am one of the few Bees who does not mind the request for cash or contribution to a honeymoon fund. I’m not one of the Bees who will spitefully gift a set of picture frames in lieu of cash to “teach the couple a lesson.” And I’m not one to roll my eyes or site etiquette . . . but even I find this to be fucked up. 

 

Post # 27
Member
369 posts
Helper bee

Unless it was a close relative (ie sibling, Brother-In-Law, SIL) I would have to decline. In my opinion it is extremely rude to ask your guests to ‘pay their way’ for an event you invited them to. If she can’t afford to foot the catering bill then scale down costs with something else.

Post # 28
Member
11617 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

 

Mind blown by attitude that the event is so socially important that peasants should pay to attend so they can have honor of showering royalty with gifts.

 

montrealbride2017 :  were you at this shower and if so, what did you do? How would people even know to bring that much cash with them?!

Post # 29
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I guess it depends how well you know the couple. For only $25/plate, I would probably still go if it was close by only because I’d feel sorry for her really. I mean, she HAS to know this isn’t normal so I imagine she might be embarrassed by it? I know it’s still her choice at the end of the day, but a $25 gift is really cheap. I dunno, it’s such a weird situation that I’m so curious what made them think to do it.

Post # 30
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

BalletParker :  No I wasn’t but another co-worker that we are both close with went and told me about it. They knew before the shower that it was being done. I’m guessing from the invitations. My co-worker even said she wouldn’t be surprised if they did the same sort of thing at the wedding. 

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