Pay when you rsvp?!

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
656 posts
Busy bee

There is not a person on earth whose wedding I care about enough to pay for the privilege of attending. 

Post # 32
2245 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

What. The. French.

There is just no freaking way. Not only would I not go, I’d probably send a bill for my time as “counselor and provider of moral support” due upon receipt.

Then, we no be friends no more.

If you can’t afford to host a wedding, you just don’t.

Post # 34
12238 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

It’s sad that she doesn’t have anyone in her life that could have talked her out of this. There is no other word for it but disgraceful. 

Host what you can afford, or do without. 

Post # 35
2149 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

weddingmaven :  This. All this bee. It’s not ok to let friends be tacky. 

Post # 36
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

That is tacky AF!

Take that $$ & go have a nice dinner with your SO. 

Post # 38
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

At only $25 p/h that kind of changes things for me. I mean yes, it is tacky to pay when you RSVP  but she isn’t asking for any presents so somewhat forgivable. Also, her wedding sounds very simple. To be honest, I would probably get her a present on the day. $25 is not much. At weddings I give at least $100. She is doing herself a disservice financially by asking ppl to pay upfront if she is under that sort of pressure.

Post # 39
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Picture or it didn’t happen!

Post # 40
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

The unfortunate part is that if she is asking for $25 per adult she would probably get more money on avg per guest if she hadn’t asked for money at all. But by asking she has now offended people who under normal circumstances would have attended and given a lot more. 

Post # 43
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Okay, well… this is getting perfectly normal here. Out of the 5 invites I last received, 3 asked for payments (different social circles) and the most expensive one was 75$/plate.

I think the problem here is that the idea of what a wedding should be haven’t changed, but people don’t have that kind of money to throw away anymore. I know no other person my age who owns a home (I’m 28), so if you can’t afford a downpayment, you can’t afford a 15k party.

So yeah, the obvious answer is to have much smaller events, but since the mentality of what a wedding should be hasn’t changed yet, it’s kind of an awkward moment to be getting married. People would rather just pay to attend and bring no gifts than attend a no alcohol, cake only, sunday afternoon affair.

Post # 44
665 posts
Busy bee

MrsCoffeeSnob :  I honestly thought this a joke or a misunderstanding. 1) I’m shocked at their audacity 2) what kind of meal are they serving for $22?!! Hot dogs and fries?!! You can spent twenty bucks on a Starbucks meal and drink. 

Post # 45
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

It’s weird but they aren’t charging for seeing them get married as some PPs are suggesting, it’s for their meal and at least they have had the sense to mention that this is instead of gifts. I suppose overall it’s less than people would spend on a gift, still strange though.

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