(Closed) Help! Need Advice about paying for BMs

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Would it be okay if you somehow mentioned it casually or have someone else ask her casually if you paid back the full amount? I think being honest would be better. I do think once you figure that out, it will solve all the rest of your questions. If you aren’t comfortable in asking her, or having someone ask for you, I would say I would pay for her for some things (make-up, hair or nails) not everything (since you said you paid most of the $1000 back).

Post # 4
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think the situation is different.  She helped you at a time when you needed help.  Now, she does not need help when it is your turn.  I think it says a lot about you that you are thinking about this, but I don’t think you should pay for her.  She graciously helped you when you needed it.  Enough said.  You don’t owe her anything, but you sound like a nice friend!


Post # 5
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@xxyxx:  it’s very sweet of you to want to reciprocate but it is a different situation now.  the money she gave you seemed more like a loan than a gift since you paid her back, even if it wasn’t all of it.  now that it is your wedding, i wouldn’t bring up money.  if she has an issue with affording something, you can offer to pay for something then.


Post # 6
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you paid her back (for the most part) you don’t need to pay her way. Maybe take her out to lunch or dinner – and tell her that you really appreciate what she did for you back in the day. And now that you are a bride you understand how nice that was, etc? 

Post # 7
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You two seem to have a great friendship. I’m impressed that she helped you may a large sum so you could be part of her wedding, and that’s great!!!

Money has the power of dividing people, of causing conflict. If you talk about it, it can upset people. If you stay quiet and make a decision, it can cause conflict. Tricky! From my perspective, she helped you out so she could enjoy you at her wedding, at a time when you could not afford it. You’ve paid lots back, maybe all of it. Now that you’re getting married, you shouldn’t pay for her, since she’s financially well off. That’s my take on it!

Good luck figuring it all out!


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