(Closed) Paying a Friendor?

posted 8 years ago in Money
  • poll: Should I (offer to) pay a friendor to design my invites?

    Don't mention it. He offered many times, he just wants to help.

    Don't mention it, but get them a nice Christmas gift.

    Ask him much he would like to help design all of the paper products. If he says nothing, drop it.

    Ask his wife first.

    Insist on paying.

  • Post # 3
    2263 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I wouldn’t just offer to pay, I would make it mandatory part of working toghther on this.  Most horror stories you hear about freindors is when they miss deadlines.  Money is an insentive to meet your deadline. 

    Post # 4
    182 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Hired hall

    My SIL (my brother’s fiancé) is a professional cake maker, and she has offered to make my wedding cake. I immediately said to her “that would be great, how much do you want for it?” and she said she would do it as her wedding gift to us. I would handle this in the same way- when you email him saying what you want done, just casually ask “how much money do you want for this by the way?”. It’s not an offensive question, and it doesn’t make a big deal about it. If he says he will do it for free, then either buy him a gift as a thank-you, or offer to babysit or something instead. I find that being direct is always the best way, as it takes away any awkwardness lol 


    Post # 5
    2865 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Misswhowedding:  +1

    It would be offensive if you DIDN’T offer to pay him. 

    Post # 7
    1664 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2024

    I would ask him straight out “I really appreciate this and wanted to know what the cost is” if he says nothing then I personally would say “Oh I have to pay you something” then go from there…maybe he’ll say ok buy me and wife dinner or a bottle of X wine/liquor and we are even.

    A lot of my friends do that, I buy beer/pizza they assist with small home projects I’m not equipped to handle. I’ve offered money and given it to them and they hide it in my silverware drawer and never take it so now I just make sure I have a few of their fav things at my house for them to enjoy/take home.

    Post # 8
    519 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I’ve been the “friendor” before, and the last time I did it we agreed that it would be in lieu of a wedding gift. If the guy is fine with that, please accept it! My friend was so worried that I wasn’t getting paid that I felt forced to accept SOME kind of payment, and said she could cut me a nominal $20 check.

    That’s when it got awkward. Because since I’ve technically been “paid”, does it mean we have to bring a present? Do we not have to bring a present because we agreed that the services would be the gift? That money really just complicated things for me, I would’ve much preferred to stick to the initial plan.

    Post # 10
    519 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @MaryRachel:  honestly, some people just really get a kick out of helping out with big events like that. I know I sure did! If you double check that he really doesn’t mind doing it for free, just know that it’s his preference. 🙂

    Post # 11
    36 posts
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I would treat it like any business transaction at first, saying, “I would love to take your up on your offer to help with my wedding invitations. I have a paper sketch of a design but don’t know how to create a print-ready, electronic file. Would you still have time to do this? If so, what would you charge?”

    He’ll likely refuse, but I’d offer once more, saying “Oh, that’s so kind but I know you’re busy with your own business, so can I at least pay some sort of friend rate?”

    Again, he’ll likely refuse…and in that case, thank him profusely and get him a generous “experience” type gift…take them out to a really nice dinner or something (when the project is complete). And bring a bottle of wine if you go over to work with him on the design!


    Post # 12
    1433 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would ask what his services cost and if he says nothing –  at least he said nothing!

    Don’t assume – I would put it out there. If he’s too nice to accept payment, get him a nice gift to serve as some form of appreciation!

    Post # 13
    2010 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    You ask him how much you will owe him for designing the invitations. He can then either:

    (a) Decline payment because he’s doing them as a gift

    (b) Give you a price

    No awkwardness results from either situation. If he refuses to accept payment then you give him a thank you gift.

    Post # 14
    7952 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @MaryRachel:  one of my BMs and obviously very good friend is a graphic designer.  she told me she would design everything for me.

    she designed my STDs, invitations, menu cards, seating cards, programs, etc.

    my STDs and invitations were sent to vista print.  but she printed the programs, menu cards, and seating cards with her work paper.

    she did not ask me for any money and i didn’t offer any.

    i did pay for all BMs dresses, hair, makeup, and bought them nice gifts.

    i did not receive a gift from this Bridesmaid or Best Man nor would i expect anything (though I think her sister said something was coming by accident).  i would have taken this as a her gift.

    Post # 15
    2031 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I would ask if he would like money.  If he says no i would drop it, and either give him a nice Christmas present or just a gift as a thank you (even a nice bottle of wine or a gift card to take his wife out to a nice restaurant for his time)

    Post # 16
    188 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Well we had a friendor who was our DJ. We had a bit of confusion when we initially asked us he told us he wasn’t going to charge us anything. Then his boss was going to charge HIM for the equipment and not pay him for his nights work. So he still charged us but only for the equipment which was really reasonable.

    My advice? Offer to pay. Just say something like “I appreciate you offering to help with the invites, how much do you want me to pay you?” If he will be out time then he is offering that to you for free so that just makes him awesome like my friend. If he is offereing something that will cost HIM money, it would definitely be polite to offer him the money for his expenses.

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