Post # 16
As others point out, your Future In-Laws are not socially obligated to do anything since it isn’t their affair. That said, I think you that it’s generous and appropriate to allow them to invite a few friends, ie the ones that know your Fiance well or that they consider their nearest and dearest. If they want more than that, tell them it’s not in the budget and offer to let them contribute if they want to include extras.
Who they believe “should” be paying for the wedding is irrelevant in this case, and wrong. Even traditionally, a bride who is out of the house and independent is responsible, together with her Fiance, for their own wedding. And it was always the prerogative of whomever wanted to make an offer to contribute to do so if they wished.
Post # 17
You’re paying, so you have unlimited power. You decide who lives and who dies (jk). But seriously, anyone who is not contributing (your parents, your Fiance, your Future Mother-In-Law and FFIL) have NO say. You, out of the goodness of your heart, allow them to invite people. That being said, tell them if they want more people they need to start ponying up the dough.
Post # 18
I have to admit that I read this the same way as other bees- they can’t be socially obligated to invite people to someone else’s celebration/party/wedding. You just don’t do that in any situation- and your wedding isn’t an exception to this.
you and your fiancé should make your list. Include who is important to the two of you. It’s your day and 150 people is still a large wedding.
Post # 19
Also, one is not socially obligated to issue an invitation just because someone invited them to their child’s wedding, even if it were their affair.
Post # 20
Wow, what is wrong with people? You are paying, you invite who you want! If they want people they are “socially obligated” to invite, then they should, at the very least, fork over some cash to cover those people. Traditions like who pays for what really need to die out – like thinking your family should pay. Good luck!
Post # 21
- Wedding: May 2016 - Rock Island Lake Club
I ran into this issue too!! But we nicely told his Mom that if she wanted extra people (her work friends) she would have to pay for them. Thankfully she agreed to it, so everyone is happy!
Post # 22
Thanks everyone! That really helps a lot. I think I get so worried about hurting everyone’s feelings, I’m worried I’m going to miss out on all of the things I want too! But I also want to make sure I’m not being unreasonable at the same time.