Post # 1
My guy and I live in California and both of our families live out of state. We knew that with a wedding where people would have to fly, some of the family would not be able to afford to come (step-family, aunts, cousins) and we are okay with that.
However, I am very fortunate that my late father has put aside money for the big day with no big conditions on how I should spend the money for my wedding.
My step-mother, who currently has the money, mentioned that her daughter and family (5 ppl total) and my aunt and her family (dad’s sister) will not be able to afford it. Either way I would also offer to help my brother and his fam (4ppl) with travel.
I am thinking about using 1/2 the money to pay for family flights and lodging for 10 ppl. Am I crazy? I just have a gut feel it is something I would at least like to offer. My father has another sister that can afford it and I think it would be nice to have my two aunts and my stepmother there to hang out together and vacation. As far as stepsis and fam they were close to my dad too. Also am I rude not offering it to other family who I know can afford to fly by themselves? Like my step-mother?
Obviously this will impact the overall “wedding” budget. It would be different if I were paying for everything myself.
This is not an issue for my guy’s family so we wouldn’t help for their flights/lodging.
Post # 3
I think that is a personal decision that you need to make based on your family and how well you know them. That being said, I don’t think it is rude as long as you don’t announce that you paid for so-and-so to come out. If it is a private type of “gift” I think it is acceptable.
Post # 4
I agree with the last poster, I’d keep it quiet but if you want to pay for their travel so they can come, that’s a lovely idea.
Personally I would be in the same boat, but all my family lives in another state. If I had the wedding here (8 hours from them), I’d pay for their travel and lodging. However I chose to get married back home, which is much harder for me but easier for family! It’s the best way to make sure as many of your loved ones as possible attend the wedding.
Post # 5
@takemyhand: I will most like keep it private the challenge is my family is gossipy so not sure they will!
@kerensa: Thank you! I agree it would be easier for us to go to them but since my guy’s family is in a third state, people would have to travel no matter what.
Post # 6
We are paying the cruise fare and travel for ten of our guests for reasons similar to yours. It is a private arrangement between us and those involved and we are not divulging it to other people (in real life). Its a great thing to do and we diid it in order to have our most important people there that day.
Post # 7
@immanorcalbee: Hmm… that might be something you’d want to talk to them about. Would they keep it under wraps if you say something like “I really want you and *,* and * to come to my wedding and understand that it is hard in thi economy. To make sure you come, I would like to pay for your (flights), (hotel), (etc). However, I don’t have enough money to pay for everyone who isn’t able to come, and I don’t want to offend anyone. For the sake of my relationship with other family members, could you consider this a gift that is best kept quiet?”
My only concern would be that if they tell/brag/share with family, the family you cannot and do not pay to come to your wedding might be offended.