Post # 1
My husband and I got married at the courthouse on Valentine’s Day and we’re currently planning our wedding ceremony for everyone else. No currently knows we’re married so we’re planning on keeping it that way after the actual wedding. We are dead set on having our wedding on November 24th of next year and since it’s cold where we are we are having a destination wedding in Orlando. It’s about 16 hours away from us by car, and while his family comes from a background with more money, my family is pretty poor and probably can’t afford to go. All of his family will be flying out from Canada. I don’t think my family members with spouses and children will be able to afford transportation and some family members cannot drive there. We were thinking of renting a coach bus out that would cost us $13,000. Our plan was to pay half of the 13 and have every guest that opts in to the group transportation pay $200 each to cover the other half. Does this sound dumb or unreasonable? I don’t want compromise on our wedding date/location but I do want all of my family to be able to go. We were thinking if it was too unreasonable to ask we would just help cover bus fees for those who wouldn’t be able to come otherwise plane to kets around that time would be a little more than double what we would require of the guests for the transportation.
Post # 2
To clarify, I have around 30-35 guests who probably wouldn’t be able to come due to cost of travel or having no transportation. I would only be asking the specific 30-35 guests for the $200 fee for the coach bus, if we were to do this. My logic was that it’s way less than half the cost of a plane ticket, and cheaper than the cost of gas for the round trip. I just feel like it’s a dumb idea and no one will want to pay, or it’s very tasteless of me and I should just offer to cover half their bus ticket fees.
Post # 3
Why not just have the “wedding” locally where your family lives, and do a Disney honeymoon?
not gonna lie, the thought of a 16-hour bus ride would absolutely put me off of going to any wedding.
Post # 4
I’m very confused at this whole thing. You’re already married, but want to charge people to see a reenactment? You’re not willing to compromise your “wedding” but want your family to be there, are they even willing to do this arrangement? How long of a drive is this? Honestly it sounds awful – stuck on a bus for how many days?
Post # 5
I don’t want to compromise at all on the location or date of the wedding. We got legally married so soon only for legal reasons, so now we both definitely do not want to have anything less than our dream wedding. We are already honeymooning in Hawaii after the wedding. We were going to do California so my father could be there (he lives there) but then no one would definitely be able to come (30 hours away) so we already settled on Orlando and have picked the venue and such.
Post # 6
Will your family be able to afford the other expenses of a destination wedding, such as hotel, food, etc?
Can they afford to take several days off work to attend a destination wedding plus travel time? (Guessing 2 days each way on the bus, so what, at least 5-6 days?) assuming there are no delays due to winter weather and being a heavy time of year for travel.
What if only a few of the 30-35 people are interested in the bus option? Do you have to eat the cost?
It sounds like it would make a lot more sense to have a local wedding then go somewhere warm for your honeymoon.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
You’re making one set of guests pay for another set of guests to see your repeat wedding because you don’t want to compromise your wedding vision? Do you really think it’s acceptable to not only lie to your guests about what number ceremony it is that are witnessing (#2), but to have them foot the bill on top of it all? Incredibly inappropriate. Side note, no one wants to make a 32 hour bus ride to see someone’s makeup wedding.
ETA: You’re supposed to pay for your dream wedding, not your guests.
Post # 8
If you have 30-35 guest that wouldn’t be able to afford to go and you want them to attend your wedding then I just don’t understand why you insist on a destination wedding.
Unfortunately many of those 35 family members will probably miss your celebration and that is part and parcel of having a Destination Wedding. Honestly I would never travel 16 hours each way by bus for a wedding except maybe my sibling, but I definitely wouldn’t be happy about it.
It is in pretty poor taste to invite these people to your wedding, knowing it is a financial imposition for them and not even be up front with the fact that you are already married.
I never understand how someone’s “dream wedding” can have location higher up on the list than their close friends and family being able to attend. Why even invite them?
Post # 9
So you are having a ceremony re-enactment for your families, but you’re making it as hard as you can for anyone to attend. Makes sense. You know that it’s a hardship on your family, but you’re putting your “vision” ahead of that. It’s pretty crappy all around to be honest.
Post # 10
Let’s keep it to constructive criticism, or don’t comment. Also why bother criticizing if you’re not even reading the OP? The bus ride would only be 17 hours with stops and refuels included. I don’t care if you like how we’re having a ceremony for our family later or not, that isn’t what this post is about. It’s what option should I offer to those who cannot afford to go at all. We have planned all expenses for everything except for this out, food, and hotel is included. We will be booking two Locations out for sleeping etc accommodations. The only thing our guests are required to pay for is any food they want to get on their own, and shopping they want to do, or however they wish to spend their money. We stood in front of a judge for 2 minutes while she sped read off a piece of paper and signed papers before leaving with our certificate in an envelope. We only got legally married for legal reasons at the time. We were already engaged and were planning the nov wedding, we just had legal issues that forced us to marry this month. Everything else we have in order, and yeah if some of those 30-35 guests didn’t want to pay, then we would foot the rest with a loan. I would offer them free plane tickets but that’s nowhere fair to the people who can afford to go. I’m only going to offer to these specific people. We have huge families that are super close, I doubt more than 10 of the 30-35 wouldn’t go if they could afford to fly.
Post # 11
I’m not sure what advice you want? It seems like a really bad plan that isn’t well thought out. What if only ten people can attend? Are you willing to front the extra 11k for the bus? Or will you rescind the offer depending on how full the bus will be?
It is incredibly unlikely that 35 people will be willing to travel “only 17” hours by bus for a wedding. If they can’t afford the flight they probably can’t afford to take so many days off work. I don’t see how you could make this work at all.
Post # 12
This is terribly thought out and horribly tacky.
You can’t provide transportation for your guests and then charge them for it, that’s like offering dinner and then saying they have to pay for a portion.
OP you’re getting advice you’re asking for if you don’t like it tough shit.
Also: “only 17 hrs” ? Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t get on a bus for that amount of time for my own vacation let alone to pay for someone else’s dream wedding. I’m sure other people would feel the same.
If you really wanted those people there you would’ve planned a local wedding.
Post # 13
It looks like the 24th is the Sunday before Thanksgiving? Seems like it would be a rough return trip on the bus with traffic. If you don’t do the coach bus option, which seems pretty problematic, what about approaching your family members and offer to help with renting a couple of mini vans? Of course, someone would have to drive, but it seems that would likely be within the budget you could cover. Although it is a very long drive that many people may just not want to do.
Post # 14
If you are not willing to give up your location, then you need to commit to it and be okay with not having certain people there. You can’t have your cake and eat it too when it involves charging other people for transportation. Missing a good chunk of people is just apart of the risk of having a destination wedding. And this is coming from a Destination Wedding bride myself. Sure it sucks that not everyone can be there, but if you want to be at that specific location then that’s the way it is.
Charging others doesn’t seem fair to me. I would let everyone pay their way who can, and then try to help out with expenses for those who you really want there but don’t have all the means to do so. For my wedding, we were prepared to pay for our grandparents to come if they wanted to, but physically they could not make the trip. Does it suck? Yes. But that’s a part of having a destination wedding.
Post # 15
Unfortunately this is just part of having a destination wedding- accepting that some people for whatever reason (timing, cost, etc.) will not be able to attend. If you really want them there, you need to pay for them yourselves but that’s only part of the equation- there’s also vacation time off and a 17 hour bus ride? (Also your charter idea might not work unless you hire multiple bus drivers as I believe there are limits on how many hours in a single day a charter bus driver can be working.)
The fact that you’re already married is kind of a red herring, since regardless this would be a pretty tasteless idea, but it just makes it even worse that they won’t be actually seeing you getting married. (Is the reason you’re not telling people that you’re already married because you’re worried they won’t come? Well, think about why that might be.)