Post # 46
So I’m guessing the answer is “no” I shouldn’t ask $200 from them. Should I state that they could chip in if they like to? I can take out a bigger loan but it would probably hurt us on getting the starter home we want. Or should I offer to pay a certain amount of their Airfare… say $200-$500 depending on how big their family unit is? I know if I did this then at least 5 would still definitely not be able to afford it, and it’s kinda iffy on another 6. Or while I can still cancel, I’ll cancel the sleeping accommodations, and use that to pay for their travel, and leave it up to them to get their own hotel, Airbnb, or use our 30% discount for the hotel where we’re having the ceremony, even though it’s around $500 a night. We were spending around 17K on the sleeping accommodations ( 3 villas with 11+ bedrooms each) we’re expecting at least 100 guests. Inviting around 230.
Post # 47
Why are you taking out a loan?!?!?!
Post # 48
I would invite who you want and not concern yourself with how they will get there. That is how DWs work. You run the risk of people not being able to come. Do not take out loans, do not ask people for contributions.
And you could be the closest person in the world to me and there is absolutely no chance I would take a bus for 17 hours to your wedding. And I love DWs.
Post # 49
Look, we’re trying to tell you that it’s just not going to happen. If the family members you want to be there can’t afford it, then asking them to chip in OR taking out a loan to pay for them to get there are both just terrible ideas. If you refuse to compromise on the location and date, then this is the thing you’ll have to compromise on-having all the people you want there. I’m sorry but that’s the way it goes sometime.
Also, if the alternative would have you be homeless and your husband deported then why on earth would you think your family wouldn’t understand why you had to get married earlier? I believe honesty is the best policy in these sorts of situations.
Post # 50
mrstaylor6882 : a bigger loan? So you are already taking one? Whyyy?
I would just stop arranging a way for them to get there if you can’t afford it, which is perfectly valid by. You went on and on about how your big family love to go on insanely long drives for vacations and you go every year with all 30 of you so clearly if they want to attend the wedding they can just drive themselves. You now keep saying they can’t fly or drive, but you also told us how they love driving vacations so this 17hr journey wouldn’t bother them.
Post # 51
You are married. Congratulations. To a lot of people the vows are what matters.
You still want to have a pretty party an airplane ride away from where everyone lives at the most expensive travel time of the year. Fine. But it’s foolish to go into debt to do so and rude to ask people who cannot afford to attend to go into debt for your dream party. Part of being adult is making adult decisions. You made the adult decision to marry now for practical reasons. Now make adult decision to celebrate with the people you love in a location practical for them. That would be the right thing to do. You and your husband can go to Orlando on your own.
Post # 52
To answer your question. Yes, I think it is rude to ask people to contribute.
What you are really asking is: What can I do to try to make this more affordable so more of my family can attend? This is actually a much harder question because the answer is probably different for different people. For instance, I am a family of 5. If I could find a cheap hotel room, the travel part would be a bigger expense. If I was a singleton, the hotel would be my biggest expense because I would be paying for a room for myself.
I would also need to take in account of how much money I have to spend on food etc….
In your case, I would think long and hard about who you absolutely with no doubt want at your wedding and make whatever unique arrangements you need to get them there. I think this is honestly the most you will be able to do.
I fear your other plans are just going to leave you disappointed. I know you come from this family and know them best so what strangers who have different circumstances think may not be relevant. But I would think long and hard before taking out a loan to help pay for guests. It is not a financially sound decision.
Lastly, Is the weather that important to you? Think long and hard about that. Because you could still have your date at another location and you are still having a tropical honeymoon. Cold weather weddings can be beautiful (i may be biased because I was married in January with snow and blood red roses…the pictures are amazing.) This little change may make all the difference in attendance.
Good luck. I see you getting frustrated by the not a real wedding comments. Everyone has an opinion on this type of thing and many of them are negative. People getting upset at finding out you are allready married is a real thing that happens, but if your not worried about it…who cares what random internet strangers think. They are not the ones who would have to potentially deal with your family.
Post # 53
Everything you just suggested is a no.
You. Don’t. Take. Out. Loans. For. Luxury. Parties.
You grow up. Cancel the luxury party you clearly cannot afford. Plan a party you can afford.
Thems the breaks. Welcome to adulthood. You don’t always get what you want. You don’t get the pretty princess day if you don’t make the pretty princess bucks. That’s just life.
Or you can have it on November 24th of any other year after you’ve saved up enough to do it properly so don’t have to take out a loan and your guests don’t have to open their wallets. After all, what’s the rush? You’re already married. At this point it doesn’t matter what year you do it.
Post # 54
zzar45 : I think op wants to appear to be the nice and generous one by giving them financial aid/scholarship to go to her wedding.
“I’m having a destination wedding that I know you can’t afford, so I am actually taking out a loan to get you there! Look how nice I am!” When really, just change the location and none of this will be needed.
Post # 55
It’s not the same anymore, lots of family drama, jail time, other stupid things, and now a lot of them do not have any lisences or physically can’t drive themselves anymore. I’m taking out a loan because I want everything to be perfect, the loan we are taking out is less than 10K which is something we can pay back in less than a year. Also to the poster above, yeah any other family would understand, but I’m the bully target of the family. Not trying to get bullied anymore. My family is close, true, But I’m not close enough to anyone except my husband. I still get teased about even dating him 2 years later. Let’s not get started on all the white jokes they make about him either. I think maybe I will just cancel their sleeping accommodations and pay for their travels, we are spending more on that then the 13K bus would cost. We could almost pay a majority of everyone’s travel if we did that. zzar45 :
Post # 56
So they bully you and treat you like crap, but you are putting yourself into major debt to make sure they are there to watch you get fake married?
Post # 57
It’s not fake. Sure we’re legally married. Never walked down an isle or exchanged vows, or rings. Also yes, they treat me like actual garbage half the time but I love them and I want all of them to go. Debt isn’t that big of a deal if you can afford to pay it off in a timely manner, which we can. I’m paying for my father who I haven’t even seen or talked to since I was 3, even though he has me on Facebook and is constantly talking about how great his wife and “all” his kids are.sharpshooter :
Post # 58
mrstaylor6882 : I don’t understand your logic, if they can’t afford the bus how would canceling the accommodation help?
Wow this has completely flipped from such a close family, couldn’t possible have the day without them to now them being ignorant assholes? Why on earth would you take out a loan for these people?
Also yes, they treat me like actual garbage half the time
I’m paying for my father who I haven’t even seen or talked to since I was 3, even though he has me on Facebook and is constantly talking about how great his wife and “all” his kids are
This doesn’t sound like a nice thing to do, this sounds like you are being naive and being taken complete advantage of.
Post # 59
I mean, everyone else here seems to have it covered. This is a terrible, tacky idea.
When you choose to have a destination wedding, you are also choosing to exclude those who cannot afford to travel. Tough luck.
Post # 60
mrstaylor6882 : No matter how big a loan you take out this sounds far from the recipe for a “perfect” day. Aft4er your updates I’m afraid you are setting yourself up for a big disappointment followed by a year of paying for it. Try to take a step back and consider all the variables you’ve described.