Paying for group transportation (destination wedding)?

posted 1 year ago in Destination Weddings
  • poll: Is asking $200 from each guest to provide group travel to the wedding unreasonable?

    Yes, it’s tasteless

    No, it’s helpful to those who can’t afford to come

    I think you should go with the bus tickets instead.

  • Post # 61
    Member
    3717 posts
    Sugar bee

    These people treat you like garbage and you are putting your financial future at risk to pay for them to come down to have a big lavish party?  For what?  To prove what?

    I mean this in the most sincerest way, but I highly recommend you find a therapist who can help you with your co-dependency on your family.  This is a very toxic and unhealthy dynamic.

     

    Post # 63
    Member
    3717 posts
    Sugar bee

    30 people per villa!?!??  I hope these places had a minimum of 12+ room and bathrooms.  

    Post # 64
    Member
    5909 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    View original reply
    mrstaylor6882 :  17k?  Look I think you are insane considering these people treat you like trash, bully, you, berate your husband.  It doesn’t sound like the close loving family you portray it at all, but surely if you are determined to go down this route you could pay for the accommodation and travel?  You were already covering 17k in accommodation and half the 13k bus so why don’t you just find them somewhere cheaper to stay and add the cost to the bus? 

    Hang on, if you are also looking at a $600 30 person villa I don’t see why you don’t just book that and use the savings from the fancy hotel to pay for them to get there? 

    Post # 66
    Member
    7506 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    View original reply
    mrstaylor6882 :  “Also yes, they treat me like actual garbage half the time but I love them and I want all of them to go.”

    If your motivation was *purely* to have them witness/celebrate your wedding, you’d just have it in a location that’s convenient for them. But you are putting yourself and your husband into debt and taking on a TON of stress and additional responsibility, so to me this says your motivation is either to kill them with kindness, or to shove your “generosity” in their faces and force them to like you.  Neither of those motivations are at all healthy.  You’re not going to buy their affections with bus rides and Disney weddings, and you’re not going to make them back off, either.

    What you’re doing is not normal. Repeat after me. Not normal. You need to seriously examine what it is you’re trying to accomplish and why.

    Post # 67
    Member
    3717 posts
    Sugar bee

    First of all, have all of these people RSVP’d yes to your wedding?  Or are you just prepaying and praying that they all decide they want to come.  Because even if this was an all expense paid trip to Orlando, I can tell you my response would be “respectfully DECLINES” if the transportation was 17 hours on a bus and then sharing a villa with 30 people.  

    Do you not see how this has potential to go completely sideways?  And you are spending a ton of money in the hopes that your family (who clearly doesn’t give two f*cks about you, btw), actually decides to show up?   

    Post # 68
    Member
    3717 posts
    Sugar bee

    Ok, well whatever.  You do what you want to do and come back and let us know how it went.  I’ll be shocked if this turns out to be a positive experience for anyone.  

    Post # 70
    Member
    5909 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    View original reply
    mrstaylor6882 :  If you were going to pay 17k for accommodation and at least 7k towards the bus anyway, and you insist on having a destination wedding but want all 35 people in your family to come then I would pick something cheaper accommodation wise and cover the travel and the accommodation.

    Personally I wouldn’t do it and I think it is a terrible idea since these people are awful to you, and it sounds like at least part of the ‘terrible life’ you are trying to leave behind and forget about stems from them.  This irrational need to be loved and wanted to the point of taking out a 10k loan to buy affection from these people isnt’ healthy. 

    Post # 71
    Hostess
    2515 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    View original reply
    mrstaylor6882 :  this is dillusional and childish to take out a huge loan for one day to say goodbye to your “old life”

    what happens if one of you looses a job? Unexpected expenses? Health problems? You’re still saddled with that loan regardless of your ability to pay it back or not and in the meantime weddings are about the marriage, not the party and your focus on this wedding being a turning point is troubling. You’re setting yourself up for failure with this wedding and your marriage.

    You’ve already been told your idea is a terrible one and you’re expecting too much of people I’m not sure what else you’re looking for. I highly doubt you’re going to get the validation you’re obviously seeking from random internet strangers? 

    Post # 72
    Member
    1516 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    Just FYI, I happen to know a lot about private charters. They have to stop pretty frequently to refuel. Also, most passengers will want to get out at refueling stops to stretch their legs. I would conservatively add three hours to the 16 hour trip.

     

    I would MUCH rather pay for my own plant ticket than sit on a bus for 19 hours. That sounds like hell.

    Post # 73
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    ‘I think maybe I will just cancel their sleeping accommodations and pay for their travels, we are spending more on that then the 13K bus would cost. We could almost pay a majority of everyone’s travel if we did that’

    How would this help? You’re just swapping one cost for another. If you pay their airfare they would still need to pay for accomodation. Or is there much cheaper places to stay close to your wedding location? Either way, i would say that’s up to them to sort out if they choose to come to your wedding. If not, that’s part of the deal of a destination wedding. 

    Post # 74
    Member
    1164 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

    This CANNOT be real. Someone please tell me this is a troll.

    Post # 75
    Member
    22 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I recently cancelled all my wedding plans and rearranged for a far destination wedding. Because it is out of the country we will “legally” sign our paperwork first. We were upfront about this with every one in attendance and at first some had issues with it. Once we explained there would be no vows/clergy/ring exchange at the courthouse everyone was understanding of our plan to have a “real” ceremony overseas. We also made it very clear upfront that no one was expected to come at all and we understood if it was too much to ask but we would love for them to be there. We also offered financial assistance to immediate family members although none accepted. It sounds to me like your best option is to be upfront with all invitees and tell them you are already married, but explain why this celebration is important to you. Once that is out in the open you can open up a group discussion of whether it is doable financially for everyone or work on some kind of plan as a group to make it affordable. 

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