Post # 1
So my boyfriend and I have been together for four years and own a house together. I paid the majority of our down payment because he was working on paying off his student loans (I never had any student loans). However he pays more monthly toward the house because I paid most of the down payment. He also has more bills/more expensive bills than I do and I have a lot of money saved up for not really much of a purpose.
I’m not asking for an expensive ring, and really don’t even need a ring at all, however he wants me to have a nice one. That being said, I don’t think it’s fair for him to have to spend his entire savings or even take out a loan for a ring for me when I have more than enough to help him or even pay for the entire thing.
Has anyone else paid half of their engagement ring? Or at least contributed? Thoughts?
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK
I would say my Darling Husband paid for mine but we were living together, sharing bills etc so in a way it was OUR money. I would actually have been annoyed if he’d spent more than he did on it as we were saving for the deposit on our house at the time.
Unless he isn’t ready to propose or would be offended that you were paying half/ contributed then I don’t see a problem at all.
Post # 3
I did not pay for any portion of my engagement ring, but Darling Husband had the savings and I have the student loan debt. But, I have heard of some people paying for half of their engagement ring so they could have exactly what they want. If it is really important for him to pay for the engagement ring on his own maybe you could increase your contribution towards all of your bills?
Post # 4
ericamarie55 : both of my erings have been pricey and while my fiancée paid them off, I contributed more to bills. I suppose you could think of it like “my money” paid for the ring while “my fiancée’s money” paid the bills or vice versa – but it doesn’t feel like I bought my own ring.
Discuss your finances, what you want and what feels important. If he wants you to have a ring but you’ll be paying for it, you certainly should have a big part to play in picking it out.
Post # 5
Thanks for your input!
He doesn’t mind the thought of me helping because he knows I have a lot more money than he does, but I think he wishes he had more money so he wouldn’t need me to help.
We tend to be pretty 50/50 with paying for things and considering we’re common law what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.
I do really like your idea of me paying for more of the bills to help him save more for the ring. I think he would be more open to this because he would still feel like he put the effort into saving and paying for the whole ring.
Post # 6
Do you two share a bank account? I know tons of people who share a bank account, before engagement – So basically they both paid for it. I use to be one of those who said “No, it is a gift from him and he should pay for it”. I wouldn’t do it only because my husband is a bit old school and if he were to get me a ring prior to living together and I wanted to pay half he would probably get a bit upset. But honestly it’s 2016 and everything goes. Everyone is different and it’s not a big deal! If your man has no issues with it I say go for it! You two live together and share everything/split the bills so I say technically it’s like both of your money (?) and not a big deal!
Post # 7
Do what you need/ want to do. Every relationship is different. If splitting the cost of the ring works for you then go for it!
Post # 8
sunshinenumber5 : Thanks for your advice! I definitely like the idea of me paying more for the bills and that way he’ll still technically pay for the whole ring.
We have gone looking at rings together so whatever he chooses likely won’t be much of a surprise. I tend to lean toward the same style but I want for him to pick the actual ring out.
Post # 9
Sweet.Sugar.Rose : we do have a shared bank account for our mortgage and bills however we still have separate accounts for our individual bills/savings. But you’re right. Considering we’re common law anyways it’s pretty much both of our money either way.
Post # 10
I didn’t, but I see absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t contribute if you want to and have the means to. It’s 2016!
Post # 11
ericamarie55 : Well since he is paying more towards the bills, if you pay for half of the ring it’s basically the same to me! Like, someone has to pay for the bills and someone for the ring. So if he pays for more bills or either for all of the ring it would all be the same to me! 🙂 You could definitely do like a PP suggested though and pay for more bills for a few months and let him save for the ring! Either totally works! 🙂
Post # 12
I’ve offered to chip in for mine, I really dont see it as a big deal. Not everything has to be done “by the book”. Heck, we’ve booked the wedding, invited people etc and I dont even have the ring yet.
Post # 13
I didn’t but I would have if it made sense for us to do so. Once we got married it was all joint anyways.
Post # 14
ericamarie55 : Do whatever feels right and works for you both. If you both feel comfortable splitting the cost by all means do it. Just because it’s not what’s common doesn’t mean it isn’t ok.
I did not contribute, and honestly my Darling Husband would have been horrified at the the thought of it. BUT…he’s pretty traditional about stuff like that. We’ve been together 16 years and even still he always pays the bill at restaurants (we do have a joint savings account, but maintain seperate personal accounts).
Post # 15
I actually paid for my whole engagement ring and my fiancé is paying me back interest-free, which I’ve never actually admitted to anyone who knows me personally! People can be judgy and I don’t want to hear their opinions, because it was just the right decision for us. My fiancé doesn’t make a lot, and I tend to like pricey things. I thought about whether or not it would be good for us as a team to have him in debt and paying interest just so I could have a nice ring, and that seemed like a terrible idea. I could have just gone for a ring he could afford outright, but me paying for it up front made us both happy. In short, do what works for both of you. There isn’t a “right” way.