Paying for ILs wedding album?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Just say politely and honestly – I haven’t ordered you an album. If you would like one the cost would be $400. Please let me know, I will give you the link to all the photos and a CD in due course when it’s available. Sorry if there has been a misunderstanding. 

Post # 47
Member
946 posts
Busy bee

Hmmm. Where I’m from we usually set aside a budget for both parents’ albums, so that they can each keep a small copy for themselves and not feel left out and hurt. Your IL shouldn’t assume, but imo the older generation (?) usually has the tradition (of giving the albums) in the past, at least where I live.

This feels a bit difficult and sensitive, since telling her your parents paid for the albums would just make her feel hurt that they didn’t consider her copy as well. 

Idk, couldn’t you make a small, quick, softcover one online (with like 10 pages)? It shouldn’t cost a bomb, unlike the traditional larger heavier ones.

Of course you could just go straight up and say you’ve never ordered and don’t intend to, which is perfectly fine, but do you really want to cause a strife this early in your marriage, over such a thing? She sounds like someone who would hold a grudge. Unless you live far away and your husband doesn’t give a damn about his family, I would consider solving this harmoniously.

Post # 48
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

400 bucks for an album?  Do they know it’s that much money?  

Post # 49
Member
13582 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

pinkcorsage :  No, I understand that perfectly well.  We just have a difference of opinion here.

Post # 50
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We paid for the albums for both sets of families. We figured it was a nice gift/gesture. We actually paid for the entire wedding ourselves. Most of the people I know gift their parents albums … so maybe they assumed the same. 

Post # 51
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

I didn’t get an album, for either of my daughter’s weddings, and we paid for just about everything, including the photographer. I have framed prints; we bought a large print package, for each daughter, and the prints were shared among the parents, grandparents, bridal party members, etc.

I don’t know if the POG bought anything; both couples had ownership of the edited proofs. I know one daughter bought her in-laws a large, canvas print (fairly inexpensively/not from the photgrapher). The other made a Shutterfly album, and gave it as an Xmas gift; it may have cost $40?

Post # 52
Member
7910 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I like PP’s ideas. Tell them your mom was the one paying for the photography and paid for her own album, then tell them how they can contact your photographer to order. It’s harder to be nice to some who is mean to you. 

Post # 53
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Gloucestershire, UK

I’d totally just play dumb in the first instance. She’s asking when her album will be delivered?

 

“Oh, I’m not sure. When did you place the order with [photographer]? I’m not sure what their turn around times are like… We’ve not gotten our album yet, which mom and dad paid for! Haha x”

 

If she pushes, THEN I’d explain that your parents gifted you the photography, which included an album for them and one for you. That $400 is out of your budget, as you didn’t assume she would be demanding one too. If that price range is too high for her, you’re happy to sit with her and help her choose some photos for her to order online to be printed, that way she can make her own album.

I disagree that telling her your parents paid for their album + yours would hurt MIL’s feelings. She has no right to be hurt – she’s a grown woman, no one should be paying for her stuff for her. Certainly not a $400 photo album. Those sort of luxuries are on her. 

For what it’s worth Bee, her assumption is totally out of order and you’re not in any way in the wrong.

Post # 54
Member
580 posts
Busy bee

If $400 is 1/4 of the cost for a wedding album….you’re saying your own album costs $1600?!???!!!??? 

Post # 55
Member
3540 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 29th, 2016

knickergold :  Ah, what a pickle! I made my own album and gifted one to my mother and grandmother and to my Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law. They were very grateful for them and didn’t expect them – it was a surprise. For your in-laws to flat out ask you when they’re going to get an album is a bit presumptuous, and with them being rude to you, I don’t know how I’d feel about the whole situation. If you were on better terms, I’d suggest gifting them one, but in this situation I’d probably send them a link to the pictures and let them make their own. 

Post # 56
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

knickergold :  I would put the photos in a dropbox and share it with them. Let them know you just received them. It appears they are bent out of shape because they think you have had the photos and not shared them.  They can download and use any of the photos as they like. If they insist on you providing an album, make them one from Mixbook or shutterfly for less than 100 bucks. There is no way I would spend 400 dollars I dont have on these people who are going to stick the albumn in a drawer.

Post # 57
Member
399 posts
Helper bee

I dont think they should be expecting a specific present. We got a few professional prints and frames for both sets of parents, but if they wanted an albumn they were on there own (honestly parent albumns were quite costly with my photographer. If you want, like PP mentioned you can make them one on shuterfly (I liked the quality of my shutterfly albumn and it wasnt very expensive.

Post # 58
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

I can’t agree with those saying your inlaws should have been included in the photography deal.  With that reasoning, if your parents bought your wedding dress and their own attire for the wedding, your inlaws could  have expected your parents to buy their attire, too. 

Post # 59
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Where is your husband in all of this? It’s his parents, I would ask him to deal with them. 

Post # 60
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee

Heavens, I feel petty after reading these. I would ignore the text. If IL’s had and issue they can take it up with THEIR SON who would sternly tell them that it takes a long time to get photos back and that they have not ordered and album so they will not be receiving one. 

I really don’t take kindly to people who are rude, entitled, and demanding – parents or not. And making comments about your dad? It would be a looooong time before that horrid man saw any wedding photos if it were up to me! 

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