Post # 16
If she isn’t paying for it, then no aspect of it is any of her business. As all the other bees have stated, I would not bother with an explanation. She has some nerve bringing the issue up, unless in the context of her offering to help.
Post # 17
I would have laughed at her. It’s ridiculous that she thinks she can dictate how other people spend their money.
Post # 18
And Mother-In-Law should myob. Unless asked for her opinion she is rude and judgey. I would simply say “Thanks for your opinion, but this is what we have decided”. Every. Time. She mentions it repeat like a broken record.
Post # 19
Get in the habit of not explaining why to in laws. The term is Jadeing. Jadeing is when instead of just saying no, you say no and then explain why something is a no. That is an open invitation for that person to try to argue against each of your no reasons. Don’t give anyone that power. When your Mother-In-Law asks questions about decisions you and your fiance have made don’t explain just say, we decided to pay for the wedding ourselves and are happy with our decision. Then change the topic to further emphasize she has no business discussing it.
” We decided to pay for the wedding ourselves and are happy with our decision. How have your yoga classes been going?”
Another great phrase to have in your tool kit is, “That doesn’t work for us.” Which is a fancy no. Sounds like you might need a few of these if she feels like inserting herself in your decisions.
– We made that decision together and are happy with it.
– No, we aready decided on that but thank you.
– That doesn’t work for us.
– You will see at the wedding.
Post # 20
My explanation would be “I’m grown, and I do what I want.” In all seriousness, I would just stop the information train.
Post # 21
My Fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. We had no expectation of anyone giving us money. We’re both adults and this tradition is SO dead. If she’s so focused on tradition, I can assume his family will be paying for the rehearsal dinner?
Post # 22
“We’re more inclined to do what works best for our situation even when that means not adhering to tradition. That’s why we’re also super sexually active before marriage, too. Like, a whole LOT!” with a big shit eating grin.
Post # 23
Thanks for all of the help everyone! I feel more confident in our decision now that I see it’s more common.
Post # 24
ladyjane123 : I use this tactic all the time. I call it my “speaking to a five year old” tactic. Broken record. No explanation. Don’t justify don’t qualify. And smile. Change topic. When they learn they will always garner the same response they eventually shut the bleep up. Lol
Post # 25
Screw MiL – if she’s so concerned why is she not helping you pay..?
Tradition can go screw as well – why the hell should the brides family have to “foot the bill”? Will they be giving a dowry of 4 cows and a younger sister for his brother as well?
Most couples I know get help from parents thee days. We are, but we are also paying for most of it ourselves – gratefully accepting help.
Post # 26
I agree with the previous poster who said simply “it’s 2019.” There is absolutely no reason why a bride’s family has to pay for a wedding simple because she is a woman. That is SO old fashioned. And besides that, it’s none of her damn business who’s paying for what.
Post # 27
Is your mil offering to help pay?