Post # 1
I just wanted some advice on this because one of my bridesmaids got engaged last April and is planning her wedding for February. Just to give you a little background info, we’ve been friends since high school but I find that lately I’ve noticed that everything is about her. When I got engaged, she was one of the first people that I called. Her response was “I’m so happy for you! I think that SO will be asking me soon too!”. I was like ok fine.
Well he proposed to her in April and in June she sent us all a link on Ebay for bridesmaids dresses. We ordered them after asking her if she was sure this was what she wanted. My other friend who is a bridesmaids also, and I ordered them right away. When we received them, the cut wasn’t super flattering (sweetheart neckline, strapless dress) on me as I have a bigger chest. We receive an email from her 2 months later saying that she hates the dresses. We can’t return them because there was a 7-day return policy. After talking to her about it, she finally said she didn’t think that that much cleavage was appropriate for a church wedding. I told her I could put on straps and that would help a lot to solve my problem. She said No. I saw my grandmother and we just pinned temporary staps to give her an idea. she loved it. Crisis averted.
Today, I received an email from her (3 out of the 5 bridesmaids received it) saying that she ordered her flowers and that they came out to 30$ a bouquet and is it okay that we pay for our own? Thanks.
I couldn’t believe that she didn’t talk to us about it first and second I don’t think I’ve ever heard of this. I want to support her but with everything that has happened, it makes it very difficult. She hasn’t once asked how my wedding planning is going, which hurts since she keeps saying that she’s my best friend. This is the first time I’ve heard from her since her bridal shower/bachelorette (which ended up with her being super angry with us – but different story) which was 2 months ago.
I needed to vent about this but also, if anyone has any advice on how to approach this situation or what I can tell her it would be appreciated. I’ll end up paying for it because it’s not a huge amount but it’s just really frustrating. Sorry this is so long! Thanks to anyone who gets through it! 🙂
Post # 3
You guys need to tell her NO as a group, you do not pay for your flowers!
Post # 4
No, you should not pay for flowers for HER wedding. Tell her you don’t need to carry anything down the aisle. A dress and shoes are already expensive enough.
Post # 5
NONONO! Shit – why are brides so tacky sometimes?! You do not pay for your own flowers. If she has an issue with it say you’re just peachy going without flowers because what good are they anyway? They don’t do anything besides give you something to hold onto walking down the aisle. Men walk down without them just fine.
ETA Sorry about the swear I just got really worked up over the stupidity of that request.
Post # 6
Uh, that is insane.
Bridesmaids NEVER pay for their flowers. At least not that I’ve ever heard of.
It sounds like either she’s extremely inconsiderate, or (more likely) she has no idea what she’s supposed to be paying for and what you’re supposed to be paying for. Someone needs to tell her.
Post # 7
Really!???! So, she tried to make you buy 2 dresses because she changed her mind, and now wants you to pay for her wedding decor? This woman is ballsy. Ballsy and tacky.
Post # 8
I haven’t heard anything about bridesmaids EVER having to pay for their own flowers. Like PPs have said, all of you need to push back with a big NO.
Post # 9
Maybe she doesnt know what is standard?
I would probably respond if I didnt want to pay the $30 something like
“I wasnt aware we would pay for our own bouquets as its standard the bride pays for them. If you would like me to pay for my own I would prefer to carry a single flower of your choosing”
As an aside I would also make a comment to her (in a light hearted manner)
I havent seen or talked to you in so long. I would love to spend more time with you. I am in your wedding party after all arent we supposed to have fun together.
Post # 10
Ya you should not have to pay for your flowers. If she wants then that should be up to her to pay. That said I did have one bride tell me that she was having her bridesmaids pay for their bouquets, but thats the only other time I’ve heard of this.
Post # 11
Paying for flowers? Hell no. That’s not right. Flowers are not necessary for weddings (we’re not doing bouquets for anyone but me and I am going to do fake ones). And is she making her mom pay for her corsage or her groomsmen pay for their bouts? If not, you shouldn’t be expected to pay for these without having some say in the design.
Post # 12
I second ThreeMeers’ suggestion. I can’t believe she asked you to pay for your bouquet. That’s so…strange. Are they dried or brooch bouquets or something you can keep? Even so, I’ve never heard of that. Sorry it’s put you in an awkward position!
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
uhhh no no no. That’s not done. I would try to approach it lightheartedly at first, because maybe she really does’t know… and weddings can make normally sane people act kind of crazy, so I’d be gentle at first. But you SHOULD NOT have to pay for your flowers. It makes sense for bm’s to pay for their dresses and shoes, because they can keep them and potentially wear them again (you know, if you like it lol) or even try to sell them! But you can’t re-use flowers. I would be annoyed :/
Post # 14
Like the other ladies said No, no no no NOOOOOO!!
That is so unbelievable TACKY! I couldn’t imagine asking my girls to pay for much. I’m even paying for their dresses! It’s traditional for them to pay for dresses & shoes but FLOWERS? No way. You should get together with the other Bridesmaid or Best Man and confront her as a group. I’m worried if you do it alone, you will be the bad person and WWIII will start.
Post # 15
It is super inappropriate for her to ask you guys to pay for bouquets.
Post # 16
@californiaraisin: It’s all good, you should of heard what I said when I read her facebook! lol
@KoalaWalla: Yeah, when her sister received her dress, they sent it back right away (which was 2 months too late for us) She suggested we buy a dress for about 100$ and she would pay half of it.
@ThreeMeers: thanks for the suggestion!
@maryaz: Nope, they’re just plain old flowers! Nothing that we can keep. But I’m taking it home with me afterwards lol
From what I can tell, she’s only having her friends pay for the flowers because she didn’t include her sister of Future Sister-In-Law in the message, unless she talked to them privately.