(Closed) Paying for our own wedding, but FMIL seems to take issue with this

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I would just set a budget and tell her that…not who is footing the bill. It’s really none of her business anyways but you could also tell her traditions have changed and usually BOTH sets of parents as well as the couple put in money. So if she’s ready to donate then you will discuss that with her but NOT anyone else’s financial arrangements.

Post # 4
Member
1778 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t have any good advice for you… but I certainly hope she’ll be paying for the rehearsal dinner.  After all it would be bad form for her not to!  (yes I am being snarky, but she sounds like she deserves it).

Hold you head up high and be proud that you two know what you want and can make it happen!

Post # 5
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@chickenbee:  Your Fiance should tell her that bringing this up is making you upset. That her point has been made so she does not need to make it further (you are aware that she believes the bride’s parents should foot the bill). And that your parents are not in a position to contribute, nor do you want them to, so her mentioning is not helping but hurting.  And he should add that he agrees with you that the 2 of you should be paying (perhaps she thinks he’s being ‘taken advantage of’ as she assumed he would get a free wedding by virtue of having a penis)

Post # 6
Member
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@bearlove:  +1

I don’t understand at all one side of the parents trying to say who should be paying for what. Especially if they aren’t helping themselves, I have a friend in this exact position and I don’t know if your Future Mother-In-Law is contributing or not but hers isn’t,  and she just keeps going on about what everyone else should be doing!

Post # 8
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@chickenbee:  If she’s ignoring your requests to drop it, then you need to respond in the moment when she next makes a remark on it. If she says it, turn the tables on her. Put her on the spot and let her see how awkward it is (or force her to lay her cards on the table). Tell her “WHY do you think the bride’s parents should foot the bill? Don’t you think that’s a bit sexist?”

It may be a bit rude, but by repeatedly ignoring requests to let it go and doing it despite having been told it is upsetting you, then she is being rude, and I think it may be a good way to get her to either feel too awkward to bring it up again or to at least engage her in a conversation about it so that you can settle the issue.

Post # 9
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

maybe you can tell her that you guys decided to adopt another cultural custom (such as Chinese), and in that culture, the groom’s parents pay for the entire wedding.

Post # 11
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@jellybellybear:  I recently explained this to FI’s mom when she suggested my dad pay for the wedding. (we’re broke college students, haha) She laughed and said, “I guess that just means we’ll all have to chip in.” It was pretty sweet, actually. 😛

Post # 12
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Future Mother-In-Law is being incredibly rude. It’s really none of her business anyway- my in-laws don’t know what my family gifted us.

You can tell Future Mother-In-Law that per Emily Post, “just 27% of weddings are paid for solely by the bride’s parents.”

If she keeps bringing it up- I agree about confronting her about it- what exactly is her issue with it? Or tell her you won’t be discussing wedding plans with her if she doesn’t stop insulting your parents (which is honestly what it seems like)- that’ll stop her real quick! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Future Mother-In-Law pulled this with me precisely once (my dad is contributing, my mom is not, FIL’s are).

I shut her down immediately and told her where the money comes from is none of her business except what’s coming from her, and I wouldn’t discuss finances with her again after this point.  I’m usually pretty gentle with her and we get along really well, so I think this shocked her into silence, and we haven’t had a problem since.

Post # 14
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t see what the big deal is and why she cares.  I mean, if she’s so concerned with how things are done she better get it together for the rehearsal dinner.  Sheesh…I don’t get why she thinks it’s okay to stick her nose in all this.  It’s not like you’re asking her to pay for it either instead of your parents.

Post # 15
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

“I understand that you feel that way.” *bright smile*

“Yes, you’ve mentioned that!” *bright smile*

repeat as necessary.

Post # 16
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d be blunt and say the finances of the wedding are none of her business.

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