(Closed) Paying for some BMs and not others?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

personally, i think if you are doing this there is no reason why the other bridesmaids have to know.  quietly arrange it with the girls, request they not say anything, and if someone DOES find out, be open and honest about your reasoning. 

Post # 4
4824 posts
Honey bee

I would say no. They should be treated equally. HOWEVER, if I was one of the bridesmaids that could afford something, I would understand if I found out why another one was paid for. But that doesnt mean everyone would understand.  

Because parents are paying for their daughters you are now involving the parents as well as the BM’s.  So you now run the risk of making made 3 times as many people. 

Post # 5
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That is a tough one. But if this is what you want to do, then do it. Just don’t make a big deal of it or go around telling the other girls what you are doing. And I’m sure if they found out and you explained why they would be understanding.

Post # 6
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Well I am paying for my JM Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and probably for her and make up. She is my niece and is only 13.  Her mom really can’t pay for it.  My other 2 BM’s know about this and are okay with it because JM Bridesmaid or Best Man is family. 



Post # 7
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I say do it and just don’t tell the others. It’s not really their business, and it’s not like they are out the money anyway. One of our groomsmen is very tight financially, and we’re helping him out a bit. I don’t think it’s a big deal.

Post # 8
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m doing the same.  I haven’t told any of the BMs what I’m doing either.  I’m paying for my Maid/Matron of Honor dress because she found out she’s preggers and they are are finanancially tight so I happily offered to cover it.  Also, I’m paying for another Bridesmaid or Best Man because she has been flying in for my e-party, shower, next my bach party, then the wedding.  I feel guilty for all the cost she’s incurring flying in for all of the events, even though she has never complained and is happy to do it, so in secret, I paid for dress. 🙂

So as long as the others don’t know, I say go for it.  Everyone is in diff financial situation, there’s no need to highlight it for everyone else to know.

They are all going to get bm gifts as well. 

Post # 9
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

In this day and age where job lay-offs are more common than not I don’t see a reason to advertise that you are helping out another Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Pay discreetly and advise them about this as well.

I will be paying for 3 of my BMs dresses as 2 are my sisters and they bought my dresses when I stood up in their weddings and the 3rd is my daughter.  I don’t plan on telling anyone except the seamstress.  No one needs to know.

Post # 10
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d do it and keep it quiet, no one else needs to know. I wouldn’t want any of my bridal party feel awkward with people knowing they had to have help with the financial side. However if anyone found out, i’d just explain as I’m sure the others would understand.

In a way I’m glad I’m paying for all the bridesmaid’s clothing, shoes, hair etc as it tends to be easier that way (but obviously more expensive!) as that’s just the way it’s done here in the UK.

Post # 13
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I paid for one of my bridesmaid’s hair and makeup, bc she makes very little money at her job and wouldn’t have been able to afford it otherwise. I didn’t say anything to any of the other BMs and I don’t think she did either.

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