- 4 years ago
Hi bees. I haven’t been on here in a few weeks but wasn’t hoping to get some help!
Okay so, I have six bridesmaids. Four of them are already married and I was in thier weddings this includes my Maid/Matron of Honor, I was her Maid/Matron of Honor as well.
For all their bridal showers, the mother of the bride actually paid for the event. The bridal party hosted, planned, and provided decor/favors. But the mother of the bride paid for the food, wine, and venue.
My mother passed away several years ago. It has been extremely difficult for me to go through this phase of my life without her. I initially stated that I did not want to have a bridal shower, I am not getting married because I want gifts and don’t like being the center of attention. But everyone around me insisted I should have one because ‘you did it for everyone else’ (ie my bridesmaids, friends, and cousins.)
I offered to pay for my shower. The invite list would be over 60 people, as I am blessed to have many friends and both myself and my fiancé come from large families. I live near NYC so venue space and catering comes at a premium here. I did not want anyone spending thousands on a shower for me, and since everyone insisted I have one I offered to find a place and pay for the contract.
Except my step mother is adamant my Maid/Matron of Honor should pay for the WHOLE affair. I said I didn’t want a shower if it meant putting that financial burden on her. (She’s due with her first child in a month on top of everything else.) I asked my father to step in and assist my Maid/Matron of Honor since he thinks I should have a shower, but then my step mother convinced him that he, myself or his sisters (who also offered to help since my mom passed) should not be involved at all. And she has further convinced him how tacky it is for me to pay for the event.
My stepmother and I famously do not get along. Some of her recent antics have my father even appaled by her behavior. But yet again she manages to manipulate a situation to pin my father between choosing her or his daughter. She said that she will ensure her and none of her family come to a shower paid for by the bride or the brides family. (Which is ironic because my dad paid for her daughters baby shower, despite barely knowing her – but I chose not to bring that up.)
Anyway I guess I need advice on how to handle this. Is it seriously the end if the world if just pay, or give my dad money to give to my Maid/Matron of Honor to pay, or even if my dad paid? (He has more than the means to do so.) And even so at the end of the day I don’t need a shower, but feel my step mother would manage to find something else to put her two cents into.