(Closed) Paying for the bridal shower.

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m sorry you’re going through this without your mom, that got yo be hard. 

You shouldnot not be paying for your own shower though. It’s nice of you to want to help but you would basically be hosting your shower. A shower in no way has to cost thousands. Your bridesmaids could all split the cost and one of them could host it at their house to cut costs. You can have a beautiful shower at not a huge cost split between them. 

Post # 3
46404 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Normally the hosts do pay for the shower, but that is also usually a much smaller shower. From what I have read here on WeddingBee , is seems like the family (read Mom) is involved to a much greater degree with the hosting and financing of the shower in the USA than they are here in BC, Canada.

You went from not wanting a shower at all, to a guestlist of 60! Is there no happy medium?

Can you not pare down the guestlist to your 15-20 nearest and dearest and suggest to the Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids that they hold the shower in someone’s home? wine and cheese? tea and pastries? brunch on Saturday or Sunday?

Post # 4
2489 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I know people are sticklers about this, but I know in my area it’s actually weird if the parents don’t pay for the shower. Some people claim that isn’t right. But I don’t think I’ve heard of anyone who claims aunts (your dad’s sisters) couldn’t throw you one. That’s ridiculous, and your step-mom is acting like she stepped out of a fairy tale.

Post # 5
2698 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

LAX03:  Can you pay for it and just not tell your step-mom? I know it’s not completely honest, but it’s about you and what you’re comfortable with.

My maids are planning and paying for everything… but the guest list is MUCH smaller and we’re having it at my uncles house (one of my maids dads).

I agree with PPs, try to have it at someones house if you can. When is it? Backyard BBQ can accomodate more people and save on some costs.

Post # 6
2518 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

LAX03:  Maid/Matron of Honor pays.  The day after the deposits and payments are due, you give her a gift for her upcoming child – that may happen to be the exact amount she spent on your shower.  

I wouldn’t think twice about a parent of the bride footing the bill for a shower.  If they’re willing to pay and the host welcomes the payment, why not?  

Post # 7
2337 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

LAX03:  I’m paying for my shower too. My mother is in no financial position to afford such a event. Like you, my bridal shower guest list is 66 people because of large families and I refuse to let my Maid/Matron of Honor pay for it. She has enough on her plate as it is, and she doesn’t have money trees in the back yard. I am happily taking care of the bills while she plans it. I didn’t care to have a bridal shower because I don’t think it is necessary for me to have another MrsPiggles day! And I have every appliance and towel in existance…. but my mother is super excited about it so…. no biggie. 

Post # 8
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Why don’t you gift your Maid/Matron of Honor the ammount of your shower 🙂 lol I’d be like “O Maid/Matron of Honor just came into some money so now it is a none issue.”  Just kidding… I think.  I’d say in these circumstances just let your Maid/Matron of Honor plan and host the shower with your money. Is it following etiquette by the book? NOPE, but it really isn’t that big of a deal in the long run.  Tell your Step mom that this isn’t about her and her opinion really doesn’t matter at this point so she should butt out.  And if her family doesn’t come that is less people for you to pay for!

Post # 11
767 posts
Busy bee

LAX03:  Sorry your family is making this difficult on you!  You seem so considerate, and I think you are absolutely in the right here – don’t let anyone talk you out of that.  Personally, to keep the peace, I would pass along money to your bridesmaids to immediately turn over to whoever is organizing payment of the shower, and tell them not to reveal the source of the funds.  Sneaky yes, but your dad and step-mom are being ridiculous.  They have no right to demand if and how others spend their money.

Post # 12
1791 posts
Buzzing bee

It is traditional for the hosts to pay but it is also traditional that they plan the event they can afford.  The problem here is that you have people in their ear telling them they need this fancy restaurant bridal shower for 60 people.  I feel bad for your Maid/Matron of Honor and this may damage your friendship if now your Dad is calling her and telling her that she needs to pay for this 60 person shower at a restaurant.  What should happen here is the event starts over, your Maid/Matron of Honor says hey, I want to throw you a little punch and cake shower at my house, we can invite about 20 people, who do you want to invite?  If someone in your family wants to throw another bigger shower for more family then they can plan it and pay. 

Edited to add – I’m surprised your Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t just call you to discuss this?  If I were Maid/Matron of Honor I would call my friend up and say hey, your Dad is crazy, I love you but I can’t pay for any of this.  I’d be happy to have a few people over if we can get the other bridesmaids to help pitch in for cake or make appetizers or whatever.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Scarlett11.
Post # 13
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Scarlett11:  WEll to be fair a lot of MOH’s don’t want to involve the bride in certain drama to alleviate stress I’m guessing…

OP, I, like you, had my mom pass at a young age. To add onto it my father passed as well years later so I have no parental contributions to the wedding. I also offered to pay for my wedding shower and some people were up in arms.

At the end of the day I would say do whats considerate to your Maid/Matron of Honor — slip her the money under the table and don’t discuss it with your family. It’s really not their business who pays (IMO) and if you feel your friend could use the help and you seem to be able to afford it then do it!

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