(Closed) Paying For The House I Didn’t Want…

posted 10 years ago in Home
Post # 18
7380 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

So currently, it’s still in your MIL’s name, right?  If you and your husband were on the same page, I would say just don’t buy it from her.  Find something that you want.  Your Mother-In-Law can sell it to someone else if that’s what she wants.

You and your DH need to sit down and talk about what you want to do.

Post # 19
7380 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Another thing to think about is, how much is the land worth without the house?  If you were building a brand new house on the land, is it a location you like?  Often the land itself is what’s really expensive, not the house.

Post # 21
1741 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, I feel like you should just leave it in her name as long as she is not asking you to buy it from her and you are enjoying living there for free, why stir the pot. If something were to happen to DH you would not own the farm or house but since you never wanted it anyway, I can’t imagine you want to take over what appears to be a family businesss. If she is asking you guys to buy her out this is a differnet story and then you need to make yourself heard. However, if she is fine to leave it alone and in her name but her Will is clear that DH will get it, I don’t think you have a problem.

Post # 22
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Do not pay money towards a house that does not belong to you. I think the sensible thing to do would be either to get Mother-In-Law to transfer the deed to both of your names, or sell the house to you jointly. That way if, god forbid, something happened to your DH, you would inherit the house. Otherwise, Mother-In-Law could do what she likes with it, including kicking you to the curb.

Post # 23
1187 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you guys are going to be paying a mortgage then the house needs to be in your names. I would not want to pay your Mother-In-Law so that she can pay the mortgage, then you have no rights as homeowners because you would essentially be renters. I think you and your DH deserve a house you’re both happy with. If you are going to be paying $300-$400k then it should be for something you both want. Mother-In-Law should understand now that you two are married that the agreement made between her and her son may need to change since there is now a third person involved. I wouldn’t sit quiet and be forced into a purchase if that becomes the case. Good luck!

Post # 24
8941 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with others that I would have a serious talk that you don’t want to buy this house and would rather have your own.  Does your husband own any land that he could build on near the farm?  That seems like another problem because he would need to have rights to build another place on your grandmother’s land.  If you did move out, who would live in this farmhouse?

What exactly don’t you like about the house?  Is there any way you can do renovations on it so you would like it more, since it sounds like his mom doesn’t want to live in the country anymore?

Post # 25
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@slicey19:  I agree with this. 

If your DH really wants to live there, I would keep living there as long as it isn’t costing you anything. If your Mother-In-Law asks you to start paying for it (which is reasonable if you want to have it turned over into your name), I would move out. I think building on the same land is a very reasonable compromise and makes a lot more sense than paying for something you don’t want. There is no way I would pay for a house I didn’t even want. That is definitely a situation in which I would put my foot down. 

Post # 26
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sounds like you and your husband need to sit down and decide together, for real, where you want to live.  Would you feel better about living there if it were YOUR house and not hers?  Is he ok living with an unhappy wife?  Whatever you decide, promise to be ok with it. 

Then – if you want to stay – decide what you’re willing to pay for it (if anything).  Go have a nice sit down with Mum.  Ask her what she wants for the house.  Maybe even have it appraised.  Would she be willing to rent it to you?  Your hubby would be happy giving her some money, and you’d be happy to not mortgage your life for her.  If she insists on selling it, try to agree to a way to value it.  Like I said, maybe try to get it appraised.  Agree with hubby beforehand what you can afford and at what price you’ll just up and buy/rent something you DO like.

If you don’t want to stay – let her know that you’ll try to help her sell it, but you’re leaving.  Maybe she’ll realize that letting you stay is her best option. 

Sounds like a tough situation, but you and your hubby need to be on the same page before dealing at all with Mother-In-Law.  Good luck!

Post # 27
99 posts
Worker bee

Ok, so let me see if I understand this correctly.  Your Mother-In-Law doesn’t work, except for occasional mornings, but she has bought a house in town?  How did she pay for it/qualify for a mortgage? 

And now, suddenly your DH informs you (without discussing in advance) that he promised his M that you & he would mortgage the farm house for $300-$400K?  I call FISHY.  Without ownership of the surrounding acreage and business, it is very unlikely a rural  farm house could be worth that much money. No, I’m afraid that your DH is trying to pull the wool on you. This mortgage of which he speaks is likely the house in town PLUS the farm house.  He wants you to work so his mother doesn’t have to. If I were you, I’d be livid that he is unilaterally squandering your family’s resources (ie. you & he are a family unit) so his mother can live in the lap of luxury. 

I highly recommend that you contact a family law/divorce lawyer and a real estate lawyer as it sounds like your DH is setting you up to have no power in your marriage / no claim to any marital assets. In the interim, do not pay one red cent towards a mortgage for which you are not named on the title.  And double up on birth control until this is sorted to your satisfaction.  My greatest fear for you is that your DH is emotionally married to his mommy, and you’re just his maidservant & uterus provider to pop out babies for mumsy to raise.

Post # 30
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Depending on the house, yes, a farm house could be worth in excess of $300,000.

My mom taught me not to expect anything and you won’t be disapointed. We had family that expected inheritance from our grandparents. Some of them weren’t in the will. It’s not a person’s place to demand what they inherit.

I wouldn’t assume your DH is scamming you, but I’d let him know that you truly don’t understand the situation and you’d like to see (in writing) what the arrangement is.

A real estate lawyer can help if it isn’t already legal.

My brother recently moved into my mom’s house (also on a farm) and built our mom a smaller house for her to live in since my dad passed away. The house and land are my mom’s until she dies, but my brother is paying for the renovations/building. But there is paperwork to back up the agreement, and my brother does get the house when mom dies (but he’s also paying a mortgage now to cover the cost of renovations/building).

Especially if there are other family members that will be involved in a will/trust, you should make sure it’s all in writing and that you understand. But I feel like if you approach him assuming that he’s being dishonest, he’ll throw up his defenses and you’ll never know what’s clear.

Post # 31
4005 posts
Honey bee

@MissMaryMc:  Agree with everything you’ve said.

I think it’s pretty bold to have thought that your Mother-In-Law was just going to give you a house without paying anything for it. It may be worth $300-$400K, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that she’ll make you both pay that amount for the house. You’re also living in it for free right now which to me is also pretty generous. It may not be your problem that she’s in the hole with the farm now, but it’s also not her problem if you don’t want to pay for the house you’re living in right now. 

You need to sit down with your husband and make sure that the two of you are on the same page. I also wouldn’t start spending any money on the house until you have an agreement with your Mother-In-Law on what you’ll be paying for the house. All of those arrangements should be worked out first, but you need to talk to your DH about what you want too.

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