@CherryWaves: I’ve come back to this topic because I just read your “Adieu” post, and I wanted to see if there had been any NEW developments.
First let me say, that I 100% understand. Farming as a Family Buisness is a tough road to hoe, and Inheritances with Family Farms (especially so when there are multi-generations involved) a difficult situation at the best of times.
I for one TOTALLY GET not wanting to pay for a house you don’t like, and more so for one that requires extensive renos, and has issues like mould etc. And I think that is the prime focus of this topic, and no doubt WHY you made it the title as well.
Others who have replied have spent more time dissing you for providing us with other info, that certainly comes into play when explaining the situation to others, and how that all relates… but the primary issue is YOU (more so than your Hubby) will be paying for an older house, that needs renovations… a house that not only you don’t like, but don’t have your name on the deed, or even know for sure will belong to the two of you when all is said in done (when Mother-In-Law passes… as there are others who also own 2/3 of the farm).
I see where others have posted about your MILs situation and the new house, and I do get that she has decided to leave the farm for a house in town now that her son has married. This is not unusual in a farming family. That the younger generation takes over the farm, and that the Parents move on…
So it is well and good the lifestyle she is living is essentially her retirement (I get it that she has worked hard on the farm all these years)… BUT someone should have told you that was how this was going to be upfront. Something that is “common knowledge” in rural Canada, isn’t necessarily so for those who don’t live out in the country around the farm.
The finer details of her son (and you) working on and ultimately inheriting a piece of this farm, should have been worked out ideally BEFORE you got married, but certainly BEFORE the Mother-In-Law had struck a deal with her son and moved to town !!
So I totally understand your concerns and worries in this regard. No one in their right mind would dish out 1000s of dollars in renos on a “rental”… nor would they pay $ 300 to $ 400 Thousand for a house that ultimately may never be theres.
That is, WHAT IS NUTS !! (Not you)
I wasn’t on these Boards back when you got engaged & married, so I don’t know the whole background story on your relationship… BUT it does sound to me from this post that your Hubby has been “conveniently” not telling you everything… and therefore that is a form of manipulation. Certainly emotional manipulation for not sharing info… but this does look too like financial abuse from where I sit (been there done that).
As I said in my last post, you need some good legal, real estate, and tax advice.
I am sorry to hear that this situation has become even more dire… and that you have posted today about seperating. BUT I do understand totally WHY. You need to protect what you came into this marriage with (that money from the sale of the condo). I hate to say it, but it does look to me like your investment was ear-marked as an easy inflow of CASH to a part of the farm that needed work.
Fine and dandy if that is what the two of you agreed on (a life on the farm)… BUT if it wasn’t… and it doesn’t look to be so from your initial posting… then it is probably good that you two are taking some time apart to think this all thru. Marriage can be difficult at times, especially when money is strained, and communications aren’t best. You guys need to get back on the same page.
If that isn’t possible… in that you have different ideas about your lives and where they are going… then better to move on while you are still young. It will be a painful lesson for you (I am sooo sorry you have to go thru this)… but in the long run you’ll be better off for it. You don’t want to be in a relationship where the Parents call the shots, and YOUR spouce cow-tows to their call. You want a man who puts you first in his life, and your life as a couple above that of what others think.
(( HUGS ))