(Closed) Paying for unwanted family at destination wedding

posted 6 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 3
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

This is a really complicated situation that you just need figure out with your mom.

But, if it were me, I’d say the best policy is just to be equal here regardless of your relationships. Who have you bought rooms for? If you didn’t buy your FI’s grandma’s room, I wouldn’t pay for your grandma’s. 

However, is your mom asking you to pay for them because they don’t have the money? If this is the case, there’s no fair way to treat your grandma and FI’s grandma since they likely have different incomes. If they kindly ask you, I would pay for it. If they’re going to make a stink and demand it, I wouldn’t. 

Post # 4
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m really close to my grandma, and if I could afford it I would pay, but I’m going to try to be objective here…

You invited them, correct? That doesn’t mean you have to pay for their rooms, flight, etc. etc. etc.

If you can’t afford it, tell your mom, and say no.

If you just don’t want to pay for it, tell her it’s not your responsibility, say no.

If you’re not paying because you don’t want them there…well…don’t tell your mom that because that makes no sense…then you shouldn’t have invited them.

Post # 6
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you answered your own dilemma in your original post, you don’t even want them to come. You are not being selfish at all! You are gracious enough to cover a house for your immediate families and I think it’s rude that not only are they demanding to be in it, but they want their own rooms. I don’t think you have to play things equally either, I think people have a hard time giving advice because they have a different relationship with their grandmother. You already said you don’t want them there and it was nice enough that you extended an invitation. Who knows, maybe your mother keeps asking you because she is telling them you will take care of it. The next time you talk to your mother, just tell her that if they want to attend your wedding, they have to provide their own accommodations. Good luck!

Post # 7
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You could just be like ” look, mom. Fi and I talked about it and if  we pay for gma and aunt were gonna have to pay for everyone elce. If you want them to come so badly, by all means write them a check, however we will not be shouldering the redponcabliy for people you, not us want there.”

Then this will be your new Motto: no I’m sorry but it will not be possible 

Post # 8
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Given your situation, I would NOT make my mom push me into paying. Put your foot down.

But the thing is, the whole “I don’t want you to be there anyway” is going to ruffle some feathers. Also, be prepared for your maternal grandmother to be very hurt that she has to stay “separate from everyone else”. She comes from a different generation, and although our views are legit, she’s going to be hurt…like she’s not good enough to stay with you guys, or close enough, etc. I’m just saying, be ready for that relationship to suffer in one way or another.

Tell your mom she can pay for them to stay at the house with you? I dunno, just a more drama-free idea?

This sucks, so I feel for you.

Post # 9
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Don’t pay, it’s your wedding and your day….


Post # 10
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Don’t pay- you don’t want to and it sounds like a recipe for resentment.  You are already being more than generous by inviting people you don’t want there for your mom.  You don’t owe them anything.

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