(Closed) Paying rent to your parents

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
768 posts
Busy bee

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futuredoctorbee:  My situation is slightly different as I was raised in the EU where living with parents until right before marriage is not unusual. However, due to some difficult circumstances, I started paying rent at age16 (until 23). I went to school and worked part time as a waitress and paid approximately $600 per month. 

I am all for helping my future children as much as I can but I will need them to become financially independent and responsible while in college. They will be able to move back with us under certain conditions and that includes paying some rent.

Post # 32
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

We rent our 2 bedroom basement apartment from FI’s dad. We are super blessed to only have to pay 700 for rent but Fiance does do heavy lifting, carpentry and other work for his dad’s other apartment and rental houses on the weekends sometimes.

Post # 33
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We have actually had a couple living with the parents situations now. Before my parents basement, we rented Fiance basement. It was a stand alone suite with a bathroom and kitchen and we paid rent because his parents paid a mortgage an that was the right thing to do. 

When they decided to sell, my parents offered us their basement. It has a bathroom but no kitchen so we share the upstairs kitchen for now until ours is built. We dont pay rent anymore but the difference is that they’re not paying off their house anymore so there’s no mortgage hanging over their head. We contribute to the cooking and cleaning and house/yard maintenance and both of them work so much that they truly appreciate our help more than our money.

I guess it depends on everyones financial situation. Parents who have no mortgage have an easier time saying no problem because they’re not incurring that extra cost anyways Which can make the world of a difference. Had FI’s parents been able to give us free rent I’m sure they would have. If my parents had a mortgage, we’d help them out with it!

Post # 34
2864 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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futuredoctorbee: uhhh 33% of your pay to rent is a HUD guideline, so by public policy definition it is affordable. I don’t know what you mean by “fair”

i never moved back home, this is just what I paid in rent anywhere I lived. it was on me to find affordable housing. 

Post # 35
255 posts
Helper bee

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futuredoctorbee:  If she enjoys cooking. you can offer to clean! clean the kitchen after meals, wash her car on weekends, vacuum. I wouldn’t make it out to be like you’re the ‘live in maid’ lol and have a set chore list or anything. But just help out where you can and enjoy the experience. You’ll look back in a few years and cherish those tender moments with mom after you move away.

Post # 36
652 posts
Busy bee

My parents have always been clear that living with them during education advancements is an option. Their purpose in those times was/would have been to ensure that my brother or I could focus entirely on the education, without having to work multiple jobs, etc, that could negatively impact either the speed or success of the educational program.

That being said, I have no idea how they would have felt if the educational opportunities had either been extremely long (some Ph.D and Post Doc plans are *extremely* long term, I know) or were unlikely to produce a job (at least of some sort).

My brother took them up on this offer while he got his MBA and (engineering) masters. They would not accept any actual money from him, but my brother did make himself available to help with errands, chores, etc, as much as possible. They rarely let him, though, as they were very adamant that he focus on his classes, get grade grades, and get out of the program in the fastest time. He bought all his own ‘things’ – groceries (they didn’t often eat meals together), etc, so he really didn’t increase their bills – he was just taking up space in rooms they never used any way.

Amusingly, after he graduated, he just…..didn’t leave. I just don’t think it occurred to him that he should. He had gone through a terrible break up with his first long term Girlfriend during grad school (they were LD during) and I think he just liked the companionship of being with my parents. Because it wasn’t a real financial impact, my parents didn’t care about the bills – but they did want him to LEAVE THE NEST AGAIN! :p So they started charging him rent @ 1/3 the mortgage payment. (He was now gainfully employed, and could easily afford it.)

It made no difference. His reaction was essentially ‘oh, of course I should pay rent now that I’m graduated and employed, sorry I didn’t offer to before!’, but he still didn’t leave! He did finally leave, months later – but only after he had a date with a girl who wanted to pick him up at his place so they could drive one car somewhere….


Anyway, the tl;dr is that my parents refuse financial participation if we’re in school. The argument is “I’m not taking on a boarder to make extra cash. I’m trying to support my children in their professional development. Charging you rent during school doesn’t foster that goal.”


Post # 37
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I used to help with most of the expenses when I lived with my parents. I gave my mom about $600 a month when I got my first real job and then $800 a month once I got promoted- This lasted about a year until my now husband and I bought our house and moved out.

My husband lived with his parents until we bought our house 4 years ago. He was already in his late 20s at that point and he had been in his career since he was 20 and was making good money. His parent’s forced him to give them $200/week for all the years he lived at home. When we bought our house, we were trying to budget all the renovations (it was a total fixer upper) and his parent’s dropped the bomb (an extremely good one) that they had saved every penny he had ever given them for his future home. We were both so shocked and so grateful. I think we both cried like a baby as it ended up paying for all of the materials we needed for renovations and THEN SOME. It also put the money back in his account that he had used for the downpayment.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  MissJulianna.
Post # 38
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016


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futuredoctorbee:  My brother moved back home and my parents arent charging him rent, but my mother does complain to me about how he wont wash a dish or never helps with anything that they ask. So even if they dont charge you, even offering some help in buying groceries, cleaning up, and whatnot, it does help them.

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