Post # 1
My FH is in a fraternity, and therefore has a ton of really close friends. I have a couple REALLY close girl friends I’ve had a long time. I dont easily make close new girl friends, which I never thought was a big deal….until recently.
Well, lately alot of his groomsmen have been pressuring me to ‘get more friends’ because they think he’ll have so many groomsmen. I have 4 bridesmaids picked out, and I think 4 is a perfectly normal number. I also wouldnt mind if he had 5 or 6 (matchy matchy is so old school.) FH is of course the sweetest thing and has never said anything like this to me, but the pressure from his friends (who I also consider my close friends) to ‘get more bridesmaids’ is beginning to hurt my feelings and make me feel like a loser. I know they’re probably joking, but still!
Has anyone else experienced ‘peer pressure’ to add more maids?
Post # 4
Yep. Had to come up with 6 bm because my Fiance couldnt eliminate any more from his list. I did it because this is one of the two things he has actually had an opinion on in the wedding. If you aren’t worried about the matching, then just tell your Fiance to stand up for you.
Post # 5
Do you feel like choosing them as your bridesmaids strengthened a previously ‘aquaintence’ relationship? Or do you think they felt a little put out spending money on a friend they arent super close with?
Post # 6
I just let my Fiance have an extra. I didn’t bother with the matchy-matchy either. I’d rather have girls I know, love and trust in my bridal party rather than take on a couple girls that will be nothing more than props in the photos!
Don’t let them pressure you in either direction. Do what feels right for you!
Post # 7
Ugh, I’m right there with you, except from family rather than friends. Fiance has a million close friends and family members, and we agreed that 5 was a good number for each (which included FI’s younger half sister, who’s like a sister to me). Apparently, FI’s stepmom assumed that his younger half brother would ALSO be in the wedding and is now posting passive aggressive Facbook statuses about being “suckerpunched” and feeling “so hurt.” I’m more eye-rolling than anything, but I feel really bad about myself that I couldn’t even come up with five freaking bridesmaids, and now this, plus Fiance wants ANOTHER groomsman.
Post # 8
@vorpalette: Ugh, that is terrible! Can you make him an ‘usher’ or something? Or do a reading at the ceremony?
Post # 9
@Mashiara: I really hate ceremony readings, so no to that. I hate the idea of ushers (because, really, our guests are all adults are all frigging adults and should know how to seat themselves within three rows of seats), but I might just let it go and say that he and FI’s other cousin can be ushers so that I don’t have to deal with the drama. Stepmom kept leaving the room while we were over there last night trying to hide her TEARS (YES SHE WAS CRYING BECAUSE HER TEENAGE SON ISN’T GOING TO BE A FCKING GROOMSMAN IN HIS ADULT HALF BROTHER’S WEDDING), and I almost lost it. I don’t deal with drama, especially stupid drama. I also suggested to Fiance that, because he hasn’t asked the two local guys yet (three of his GMs are out of town, so he’s asked them already), would he be okay with subbing one of the guys for this other guy. We’ll see. I told him, very calmly, that THIS EXACTLY was the reason why I was very upfront with the number in each party from the very beginning, and why we agreed on 5 each.
Post # 10
I was in this exact same position. I ended up adding more BMs (family members who I am not super close with but make appropriate BMs), because as a previous posted said, it was one of the only things Fiance had an opinion about in the whole wedding. BUT I am really happy now that I did it becuase I think it really has strengthened my relationship with these two girls and I think they felt really honored that I asked them.
A lot depends on your expectations of BMs– my expectations for these two I added are literally that they buy a dress and show up, so it’s very easy for them to meet those expectations. If you are someone who wants anyone who is a Bridesmaid or Best Man to be a lot more involved, then it might be a bad idea to add people you aren’t as close with just to have the right # and could create unnecessary drama.