Post # 1
We didn’t give guests that weren’t in a relationship a +1 because it’s already a large guest list and my parents are paying a ton to make it all happen. A few days ago we got an RSVP back from FMIL’s cousin and his wife. They RSVP’d and added their son, Joe. I’ve never met any of them, and we all live in the same town (and it’s a small town). I didn’t think much of it because I figured maybe it was one of FMIL’s younger cousins and Joe was a child that lived in their home, maybe 15 or 16. I asked Fiance and turns out Joe is 35, lives on his own, and Fiance doesn’t know him. He’s seen him at family reunions.
A few days later I began talking with a friend I invited who is not in a relationship and didn’t get a +1. She tells me she added her friend who is in town for the weekend to see her own family as her guest. We get the RSVP the next day and she said nothing about a +1! What?!
And then today. My cousin, who has not said anything about bringing a guy, rsvps with a +1, no name included. Just that there will be an extra person there.
My mom told me not to worry about it because most people won’t do this, and I don’t need the added stress. But, am I the only person that thinks it’s a little rude for someone to add a +1 when they weren’t invited?
Post # 3
@jo_5537: I definitely think its rude. Especially the friend bringing someone. Who the eff does that?!
Post # 4
We had two people I was TERRIFIED would bring a +1 they weren’t given. Luckily, neither of them tried it!
Sorry your guests suck, though!
Post # 5
@jo_5537: I feel like it is a standard mom job to fix that, depending on whose side the stranger is being added from. FI’s mom will be calling any of his single second cousins who try to add a random plus one. My mom will call any of our family friends who add their children. If it’s your own friend you can either call yourself or still have your mom call. Getting a phone call with an etiquette lesson from someone else’s mom is just what people like that need.
Post # 6
Etiquette Snob here… lol
YES IT IS RUDE… An Invite is only meant for those it is addressed to (which is WHY traditional Outside & Inside Envelopes work best for Weddings)
Many Brides though opt to also do the __ Seats Are Reserved In Your Honour (and write in how many people are invited… corresponding to the names on the Envelope)
You need to call / talk to these people and explain the situation.
“We are sorry, but we only have so much room at our Venue… and we have to keep numbers as tight as they are, so we cannnot add miscellaneous people beyond whom the Invites were addressed to. We are sorry, but we understand therefore if you cannot make it”
And then confirm with them what their plans are… coming or not
Solo in the case of the Friend… As a Couple in case of the Cousin & Wife.
Rinse – Repeat as often as necessary. Do not waiver
Sorry your Mother is wrong.
You let even ONE Person bring along a Plus One that you didn’t plan for, and with social media the word will spread like a wildfire… one will be 10, 20, 30 in no time. Then what ?
NIP THIS IN THE BUD NOW !!
Hope this helps,
Post # 7
PS… For many Brides the whole RSVP Reply Cycle is honestly the WORST PART OF WEDDING PLANNING
And this is sad… cause once upon a time it was one of the best things ever
But Guests are just so unmannered / unknowledgeable these days in such matters… no manners / no etiquette experience now that it turns out they are just a RUDE bunch to deal with
Consequently DRAMA & TRAUMA enmasse
GOOD NEWS… it’ll be over soon… as this is the end of the whole process. You’ll be married in no time.
Post # 8
@jo_5537: Definitely rude. The FMIL’s cousin inviting their adult son on their own accord is especially rude!
Did your invite wording indicate your parents as hosting the wedding for you and your husband to be?
We have a wedding website for our guests to RSVP and I have set it up so no ‘extras’ can be added.
Post # 9
@K_PopPop: I know! I’m like he’s 35 and lives on his own. If we had wanted to invite him we would have sent him an invitation. The invite reads Mr. & Mrs. Father & Mother would like to invite you to the marriage of their daughter, Jo, to Fiance, son of Father-In-Law & Future Mother-In-Law.
Part of me would be like hey, please don’t bring extras but then again my mother and I both work full time, she has a chronic illness, and I am just recovering from a bad case of the flu. I don’t have the energy this late in the game, especically since these were some of the last people to RSVP. I just want to enjoy what’s left and then enjoy my day. I have to say, though, I’m appalled by the way manners have gone by the wayside when it comes to weddings.
Post # 10
I’d definitely say it’s rude. I’m sorry your guests are doing this!