(Closed) People already inviting other people to our wedding and the invites aren’t out.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Ugh, this stinks! I would just do what you mentioned and pretend like you haven’t heard anything. Wait for the invites to go out and hopefully people will take the hint. “Why didn’t I get an invitation?” “Probably because you weren’t invited.” Seriously though, just say that you’re trying to keep your wedding small and that you’re honored they’d like to celebrate your marriage, you have budgetary constraints and can’t invite everyone. Even if you don’t, people can’t really argue with money.. Can they?? Wink

Post # 4
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

the only thing i see getting out of hand in this situation is that your aunt’s bf is booking flights. typically flights are non-refundable.  however, people are entitled to travel when and where they want. so if they show up as a hotel guest the same week as your wedding, i still don’t think it is your problem. they just can’t attend the wedding because there is no space for them as you said. simple as that.  but as a courtesy, i *might* consider telling your aunt that you will have this limited seating and she may want to pass it onto her bf who is booking flights for her whole family!

Post # 6
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yeah, I’ll just cross my fingers for you that your Aunt and her Boyfriend or Best Friend think it’d be fun to hang out in Sonoma together and they’re making a larger trip where your Aunt will make a side trip to your wedding 🙂

 

Post # 7
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It never ceases to amaze me how many people “assume” they are invited to your wedding.  I would  not even go out of my way to contact them so they don’t book reservations….who cares? Let them book the flight and hotel and well, who DOES THAT when they don’t even have a wedding invite in hand? Hotels usually let you cancel months in advance and airlines will credit you the flight amount.  This is YOUR wedding, their stressors and unthoughtfulness is Not your problem….

sorry for the vent, I’m just so sick of people being so rude to the bride and groom!

Post # 9
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I totally feel you – this also happened to us (one of our guests, a single female, is bringing her best friend when we were only letting guests bring a spouse or fiance. We found out through a random forward email chain about a good flight deal that she forwarded to us, here the best friend had forward to her saying that “oh, too bad we already booked our flights”). This happened before the invitations were sent out.

I think that you need to be upfront about it. Talk to your grandma as tell her that you did not invite those cousin. For your aunt, I would have your mom or dad (whoever is the sibling) to talk to her. Obviously, your cousin who alerted you to this knows that it’s not right and that’s why she told you. Some people feel like a wedding is a party for them and their friends (free food and drinks, right?) and it’s not that. It’s to celebrate the marriage of your and your husband, with your friends and family that you want to share it with.

If the invites go out in 2 weeks, and your aunt has already booked these flights for her friends, it can get really sticky, so it might be wise to do something now. 

Post # 10
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

i hate when that happend. YOU INVITE THE PEOPLE, YOU HAD ON YPUR LIST. pretend you didnt know anything about your aunt inviting othjer people. THATS IT. you have enough excuses! just becouse you are the bride, you have the last word. IT YOUR WEDDING

Post # 12
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Mochacoca: Phone call time! Just explain that there was a misunderstanding and there are only seats for 2! I don’t understand why people don’t realize that weddings cost and its not their job to invite people for you!

Post # 13
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Jeeze Louise, I was worried about some of my friends inviting random guys as dates (we also only want people we’re close with) but your situation is WAY worse.. your aunt inviting an entire family? I’m not sure how much your wedding costs per plate but I would not want to be footing the bill for 5 extra people regardless. And people asking why they aren’t invited? SO rude!

Post # 15
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

It’s your Aunts mistake to fix, not yours. You need to tell her.

Post # 16
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would definitely speak with the aunt right away (well, Fiance can). if you don’t correct the situation now, it could happen again with other relatives inviting near-strangers to your wedding. you really have to be tough and strict when it comes to budget wedding since every extra person is a lot of extra expense that they’re not being considerate of. i had a situation where Future Mother-In-Law invited a distant cousin who my Fiance has never met. i told her that we are not sending this person we don’t know an invitation, but if she really really wants him there, she can pay for his meal.

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