Post # 1
I hate writing posts about being frustrated and upset by waiting, because I really don’t feel this way 90% of the time, but when I am upset I don’t feel like I can talk to many of my friends in real life, sooo… I come here to you supportive ladies!
I went out to dinner with 3 friends, one of whom was married a couple of weeks ago. She started asking when she’d get to help plan my wedding, and a second friend started badgering me about this too. I tried explaining that SO and I had talked about all of this and that we were SO CLOSE, but it was out of my hands. Married Friend starts saying “well I just gave hubby a picture of my ring and told him he had six months. It happened.” I don’t want to do that. Type A friend starts saying “I’ll talk to your SO for you, don’t worry, I’ll make him do it.” I’d be mortified and he would be furious. “Why hasn’t he asked yet? You guys talked about it. How long is he going to take?” Yeah, he said it would be soon a month ago… it hasn’t been that long! I ended up going home, locking myself in the bathroom, and crying. I saw another friend last week who I hadn’t seen in a year and she was asking when it would happen as well. I feel like the implication is that there’s something wrong with him or there’s something wrong with me since he hasn’t proposed yet. It’s embarassing to feel like all of my friends think that I’ve been jilted in some way by being made to wait for this.
And then I felt like a jerk because, come to find out, while I was out with my friends SO was talking to his parents and grandmother, telling them that he planned on proposing and kind of asking for their blessing. He came home excited to tell me they were excited and I came home upset and frustrated. He said he wants to call my dad next and asked about what general type of proposal I’d be comfortable with (public, private, big deal, small and intimate, etc…) since he’s really nervous about getting it right, and I couldn’t even be excited, I was just upset and frustrated feeling like we’d both been badgered into this. It was just the timing of it all, but why does it have to be that way? I know people mean well so I don’t want to lash out at them, but I am feeling so pressured when I want this to be a joyful time. Anybody else feeling this way?
Post # 3
@MadameX: Aww, I’m so sorry 🙁
My fella and I were getting a lot of this too. We had been together for about 5.5 years when he proposed, and it was SO FRUSTRATING to hear everyone’s (unasked for!) opinions all of the time. We’re both sort of contrary, so when we feel like we’re being pushed toward something, we dig in our heels.
I finally ended up having to flat out tell my friends to please shut up about it, since they were making it worse, and we’d get there in OUR OWN TIME.
Hang in there, and tell them you love them, but they need to butt out 😉
Post # 4
Oh hun, it’s ok. Sounds like he’s completely on the right track wtih making sure he does this the best way for you and for him. It’s just not always easy to explain to friends. And I think everyone who is waiting feels irrationaly upset by the pressure.
If it comes up again with your friends, try to just stay in control of the situation, and don’t give them too much info. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by questions when everyone is excited for you and wants answers and you don’t have all the answers because you don’t WANT these answers. Just assure them with “oh I know he’s doing it soon, but I’ve stopped asking for details because I want it to be a surprise! I know he’s been talking with his family!” and leave it at that.
Sounds like your friends are just excited to have another wedding in the future, if your friend’s was so recent. And it sounds like your SO is really excited to propose to you, so just focus on the happy stuff here. 🙂
Post # 5
Wow, your friends sound really annoying! You didn’t do anything wrong though – don’t feel guilty!
Post # 6
Yeah, it got old when even my mom was making “well there’s no ring on your finger!” comments.
But we treated it like our little secret. I knew we had the diamond, and then the ring. It made it a lot easier to say “Well, I don’t know, if we ever get engaged you’ll be the first to know!” If you can, keep it to yourself or only tell your one best girlfriend what’s going on. People ask because they care and don’t mean to upset you.
Post # 7
@MadameX: I hated the questions when I was waiting, but that’s really forward of your friends to probe like that! It’s okay to be frustrated, you’ll be able to take solace in the fact that you know it’ll come soon, and just ignore everyone else. Be happy you know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel! 🙂
Post # 8
Frick I’m sorry. How insensive of them. Maybe hey were meant well but shit. I broke down crying last week over people harassing me about having kids. I feel you. It sounds like your proposal is coming soon though. 🙂
Post # 9
@MadameX: I know exactly how you feel. Many times I am in your shoes. People say things to me that really hurt my feelings. They also look at me in disgust like whats wrong? And, it makes me really upset.
I am not upset by what people say. It’s just the things people say trigger how I am already feeling.
You would think your two friends also went through this and would know better than to prod you. Like do you think you or I would ever make someone else feel the way we do now? NEVER.
You know how women are. I guess you just have to try to ignore all these little comments, but they still hurt. Believe me, I know.
Post # 10
That makes me so mad! Don’t forget when people behave that way it says more about what’s going on for them than you! People who are too interested in other people’s relationships are usually projecting…
There is nothing wrong with him or you, your guys journey is your own, screw em!
Post # 11
@MadameX: I think you need to find a polite spine and tell your pushy, busy-body friends to butt out and drop it. If either one of them had the sense God gave a goose, they must know that wasn’t a conversation that was comfortable or enjoyable for you. Next time, tell them you’re not worried about it so they shouldn’t either then change the subject. Repeat as necessary.
Post # 12
@MadameX: People ask me this all the time and it really upsets me too. I honestly just try to give a simple answer like “it will happen soon” and then change the subject. I’m sorry ):
Post # 13
@MadameX: I’m in the same boat as you, but I know it’s coming soon and we are always talking about it now so all the animosity I was feeling before is going away. When I get people asking me annoying questions or pestering me like that, I just tell them that we went ring shopping together recently and that he must be saving up since he keeps talking about wedding stuff.
Then I let them gush about it, then I tell them to hold their horses Because the fun part will be coming up soon. 🙂
hope that helps!
Post # 14
@MadameX: I TOTALLY get this. I had about 2 years like this, people constantly badgering me/us to the point I would burst into tears when I got home. Ugh. I won’t ever do this to anyone, knowing how it feels. He took longer to be ready so these comments were salt in wound every. Damn. Time. It was less frustrating when I knew there was a ring in production, but still suuuper annoying.
It’s going to be ok. It sounds like your proposal is coming very soon. I think it’s ok if you politely tell the to back off for now. For sure you’re not alone though. People are jerks the world over, annoying soon to be engaged people and asking overly personal questions. Ugh! I want to jump in and tell them to shut the hell up for you!
Post # 15
Mr. Browneyes and me are together for 4 years and we have 2 kids together… we get this all. the. time. I got this up to yesterday from my Brother-In-Law.
I remember that there was a time I was having lunch with some coworkers. My SO brought my lunch and after he left they started up! At that point, I’ve been working with them for a lil over a year and never spoke of my personal life with them. I don’t even have lunch with them regularly! They were asking when we were going to get married so I told them that we were not ready for that as yet. They told me not to let him fool me with that excuse. That comment irritated me but I told them not to worry about that and that we were both fine with where we were. They continued with all sorts of “advice” to get him to propose. I clammed up until they clammed up. Maybe you could try the same next time you are under attack.
Post # 16
Thanks everybody… It’s good knowing I’m not the only one who hears comments like these. I think it was easy for these two women to speak the way they did; one gave her husband an ultimatum and he was happy to have the direction, the other has not been in a relationship in years because she hasn’t met anyone “good enough”. I think it’s just hard because I feel like these comments are like picking at old scabs; I was just beginning to feel really excited and confident about the future, to the point that I was almost wanting to put off getting engaged so I could draw out this excitement a little while longer, and now I remember that a few words can make me feel completely inadequate.
Thanks for the support, guys!