(Closed) People assume they are invited…share your funny self-invite story!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Just after Fiance and I got engaged, we were visiting my mom, having a few drinks, and a neighbor stopped by. He was VERY excited and asked my Fiance whether he was invited! Poor Fiance, a few drinks in, didn’t know what to say so told him of course he was invited. After I found out, I told my mom to tell her neighbor that we would love to have him there, but that we were limited on space, so we didn’t know yet whether we could invite him! He asked her repeatedly whether we had made a decision and stressed how excited he was to attend. Months later, we had more declines on our intital invite list than we expected, and sent him an invite. He ended up declining. 

He will never hear the end of this. 🙂

Post # 17
67 posts
Worker bee

Lol I have kind of an opposite story…my fiances brother got married in last June and we were supposed to be living across country still but ended up moving home two weeks before wedding….all along he was in the wedding so he knew he was going, but we never got formal invitation that I was afraid I wasn’t invited and they weren’t expecting me to fly home for wedding thinking we’d still be living cross country…my Fiance kept calling me crazy but I was like well what if I show up and they’re all like umm what r u doing here or have to scramble to find a seat for me lol I was invited all along…I was being ridiculous, I tend to over analyze things lol

Post # 19
2668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

We haven’t even been engaged a month yet and we’re already facing this problem!

My Fiance has a great aunt whom the whole family views as a real pest – she tends to stick her nose in where it’s not wanted and makes really inappropriate comments. This woman doesn’t even know my name and, on the few occasions I’ve met her, has completely snubbed me. My Fiance was at a memorial a week ago for another extended family member, and this great aunt started asking him when our engagement party/wedding are being held so she can keep the dates free. Fiance just said it was close family and friends only, sorry if she’d been given the wrong impression.

We’ve also had a few friends assuming that they’ll be invited, but they never even crossed our minds because we hardly ever see them. There’s one girl in particular who has started sucking up to us since she found out we’re engaged – prior to this, we hadn’t spoken to her in close to a year. There’s also another couple who’ve mentioned to others (not to us) that they’ll be invited because we were at the party where they got engaged – um, what? We haven’t seen this couple in over 6 months – and for the last year we’ve been inviting them to stuff but they never even respond. So, needless to say, none of these people are on the list.

Post # 21
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - pier 5 hotel

When we first got engaged I had to struggle with whether or not I was going to invite my estranged biogical father to my wedding. I have only just recently started to patch our relationship. I had decided to invite him, my grandmother on his side and my uncle and his family. I was really happy with my final decision when my aunt messaged me on fb to give me a list of dates that wouldn’t work for that side of the family, including many other relatives I hadn’t even thought of inviting because I haven’t seen or heard of them in years. 

Post # 22
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019


Haven’t even planned our wedding, not even officially engaged. We wanted to elope to the Caribbean so we’ve been looking into doing so, and two of boyfriend’s friends said they’d come. Then his friend’s parents said they’d come too. Dudes, I said elope, you’re not invited, this isn’t a destination wedding.

We’re now looking at having a small intimate wedding instead. Another four of my friends (who I’m not particularly close to) have said to make sure they get an invite. Eh.

I started writing a provisional guest list just for my guests, not my boyfriend’s. So far I am up to 85, and that’s just my family. I’m sure I’ve missed some out too. My best friends alone come to 35 when I include their husbands/fiances and children and I do want children at my wedding.

When there are already 120 on my list for my small, intimate wedding and I need to divide it by 6 in order to fit them into the tiny London venue which is a small old library, and I’ve already bloody told you this (because you asked), safe to say you’ll not be getting the invite that you just asked me for. It’s so rude.

So we’re back to wanting to elope.

Post # 23
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
misswhereami:  I feel you! Went through a similar situation where his aunt (whom we see maybe once every two or three years even though we visit the state she lives in frequently) told us we couldn’t choose the weekend we chose because it was unavailable for her and her daughter. The daughter I have met once in 8 years. No. Just no. And we hadn’t even gotten to release the date on our own. His mother took the liberty upon herself, and as we were planning a very small immediate family wedding only, we had to do mega damage control. 

Post # 24
274 posts
Helper bee

Not engaged yet, but for my BF’s brother’s wedding their uncle’s brother (yes someone they are not related to) called to ask that their two teenage daughters be invited so they wouldn’t have to leave them home (45 minutes away) alone. Do they not have friends??? BF’s brother did end up inviting them. The whole family left right after dinner. The girls looked bored. They will NOT be invited to my wedding.


We also had the opposite problem- BF’s brother’s Brother-In-Law invited us to his wedding. I got the STD and thought WTH?!? We see them about twice a year and they don’t really talk to us at those events. Not quite sure what to do about it now… 

Post # 25
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I haven’t really had anyone yet invite themselves to the wedding really, however the night we got engaged (we’ve been together 7 years and I snapchatted  few girls ) after we put it on Facebook an old friend of mine whom I haven’t really spoken to in a couple years immediately messaged the girl who ended up my Maid/Matron of Honor who was all in my bridal party and then eventually asked me myself and I told her (didn’t include her) well a couple days later she asks if she’s invited to my bachelorette party and i said yes… She goes I better be! Was surprised wasn’t a bridesmaid but whatever right?


really? You can’t ever even start a conversation with me yet expected to be in my wedding? Ha good one. 

Post # 26
2171 posts
Buzzing bee

It was maybe 3 months before our wedding and my mom told me one of my half brothers and his wife was looking forward to coming. They had not been invited, I hadn’t spoke to them in 8 years, didn’t have room for any more guests in the venue, and they have serious issues with homosexuality. The last thing is important because our officiant is a good friend of mine who is married to another good male friend of mine and they have an adopted daughter. Even if we had space for them (we did in the end after the rsvps came back but I genuinely thought we were a full house at the time) I would not want them around possibly saying something rude and intolerant to my friend. My half brothers wife would lecture me in college about how all my gay friends were going to hell and I should let them know that and try to convert them back to being straight. Yea, that’s not how it works. 

I messaged him on FB (the only way I have to contact him) and told him we didn’t have room in our venue for any additional guests. 

Post # 27
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I have had alot of people make comments about being at my wedding that I never intended to invite. One was an old family friend that we saw in walmart and was talking about how drunk they got at a wedding then told me not to worry she wouldn’t be like that at mine.. Another one I wasn’t planning on inviting keeps insisting she is my bridesmaid. She keeps telling me to let her know when I want to pick out the bridesmaid dresses ect. People are kinda crazy. I would never self-invite myself to a wedding. I would never mention it unless it was a tight family member.

Post # 28
9399 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
misswhereami:  wow.  I mean, since she’s an aunt I totally understand why she thinks she’s invited–eloping is relatively uncommon, especially if the engagement is made a big deal of.  (Not saying that means she was in the right, just that part of her actions didn’t really shock me at all).  But telling you not to pick X or Y date?!  WTH?  In letter form?  I mean it’s one thing if she brought it up in passing when you bump into each other but to feel the need to send you a letter stating that? lololol.

Also.. all of these stories are great.  Our wedding is so small and the additional cost of any one person is also so small (most of our costs are “fixed costs”… servers/bartenders/DJ/venue… the cost of an dditional plate is very low for us) that unless we didn’t LIKE the person, we’d probably be happy to invite anyone who wanted to come.  

Post # 29
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
babeba:  wait she has a wedding dress she wants you to wear? Or she has a dress to wear to the wedding? Either way she’s insane lol. 


Fiance and I have had a lot of high school friends reappear fishing for invites. We’ve just explained we’re trying to keep to a budget. We’ve also had an Uncle, who’s never been in a relationship the 4 years Fiance and I have been together, assume he’s getting a plus one so he can bring a random date. (when he asked about the plus one, I asked if he was dating someone and he said no.) Um no, we’re not having random people at our wedding. 

Post # 30
1321 posts
Bumble bee

We’ve been engaged officially for 2 months. Not so much people inviting themselves, but fmaily doing all the inviting for us, lol. So far, FI’s mom is inviting 8-9 friends, but Fiance explained we don’t have the money to pay for that many at $175 a plate (we are paying for almost everything by ourselves), so apparently they are paying for those plates. Our total guest list target is 100 people. It would have been awesome to have that amount towards the wedding regardless if they have it to spend, but if its their money they can spend it however they want.

Meanwhile, my poor father who is paying for my brother in college, paying allimony to my mom, etc. paid for my dress ($800) and offered to pay for a rehearsal dinner, no strings attached. He asked that we invite an aunt and an uncle of his, and maybe some cousins of his, since we only planned on inviting one of the cousins that I happen to be close to. He said they probably wouldn’t come, but it’d be nice. Since my dad is the only one to offer any financial support so far I kind of felt obligated to invite them.

THEN my grandmother and grandfather on my moms side (who I am very close with) say that I should invite my grandpa’s sisters from Australia, and my grandma’s sister from Uruguay. This would also mean inviting my grandpa’s brother that lives in the country that I am not at all close with. He actually showed up to my mom’s wedding late and without a gift and with his cheating ex-wife. Like what?! lol 

All together this is like an extra 20 people, and we are only shooting for 100! As it is, without all these invites we only have room for VERY close friends. I’m only inviting my bridal party (6) plus another 3-4 friends from college and 2 friends from grad school. Kinda not wanting my great uncle that I never see there. and we are still a year and a half out! lol

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